Growing like a Stanfield

If you would've told me...

2011-11-06T16:02:00.000-06:00

Okay, so I'm not as good at keeping up with this as I was. It just seems that now that I actually have time to do things, there are hundreds of other things that I want to do.

I stopped and thought today about where my kids are in life. I started this blog back in about 2007 or 2008. Back then my life revolved around bottles, diapers, and praying for sleep. I rarely sat down, the house was a disaster, and I felt like a chicken with my head cut off most times.

I'm sitting in my kitchen right now typing this as the kids play outside. I saw the neighbor boys go by to play football behind another neighbors house, so they followed. My boys are playing outside. By themselves. And I'm okay with that. If you would've told me a few years ago this time would come, I would call you crazy.

They also go to bed by themselves at night, gladly closing their eyes after we read a book or two. Sometimes they even tell me now that they are too tired for books, and just want to go to sleep.

Last week I started the bath, and had them both come in, one at a time, to take a bath. They bathed themselves entirely. They washed their own hair, washed their bodies, and then dried themselves off. They them, smiling, took their pajamas to the living room and got dressed themselves. Four years ago if you would've told me that, I wouldn't have believed you.

Its so neat to see them growing up, and how they change so fast. I also find it amazing how different my two boys are. I'm not sure they could be much different, but that's how they had to be in order to be brothers and best friends. One has to be in charge, and the other will gladly follow.

I wake up in the middle of the night now because I do - not because someone is crying. They tell me when they are hungry and even what they want to eat. They go to the bathroom by themselves, and (almost) wipe their own butt. That's kind of a big deal around here.

Every weekend with them is so fun to see what the activity will be. Today they have jumped between the XBox, the Wii, playing outside, and watching TV. Never spending too much time at one thing. Tyler will randomly ask me to make him some math problems, and Connor will want to read me a book. It's absolutely amazing that my boys can read to me me now.

Years ago when I cried for my sanity and wondered if I would ever sleep again, I wouldn't have believed you if you told me these days would come. I spent so much time living in that moment, that I couldn't even see something different in the future. But, I guess that's what I'm doing now. I don't want these boys to grow up or to change. I am loving just the way they are.

A sick day

2011-10-05T10:53:00.000-05:00

Tyler is on his second day of staying home this week for a fever, and he's definitely on the mend now. After having his fever getting up to 104 last night at 11:30 where he was delirious and crying and wasn't sure what to do, he's back down to 100.5 today, which for him is like nothing. I feel so bad for him. I remember those high fevers as a kid where all I wanted to do was cry.

Sick days are so much different now for us than they used to be. I remember as young kids, sick days meant fussiness and odd naptimes and refusing to eat or drink anything and just a very frustrating and exhausting day.

Fast forward to today... Tyler slept until 8:30 and woke up generally happy. Frustrated that he was missing school again, but once I told him we could go to the store later and maybe get him something for being so good, he was okay with it. Then he sat in the chair and watched cartoons for over an hour. After he was bored with that, he moved on to playing Wii video games.

Its the times like these that I realize how much the kids are growing up. Tyler doesn't need me to ask him if he needs to go to the bathroom, and tells me when he's hungry. He can start his own video game, and read the instructions on the screen. I have finished 4 loads of laundry, ran the dishwasher, and made some food for the rest of the week. I'm even cheering him on in his Wii Nerf game. So very different than it used to be.

I often find myself reflecting on how old the boys are getting, and how much they are changing. It helps me to cherish the moment if I remember how much the moments are evolving. So much more independence, conversation, laughs and smiles. Mostly, more personality in everything.

I've probably said it a million times, but it really hit me today how much these Stanfield boys are growing up. Too fast at times, but I'm going to soak in every moment, even on this sick day.

Wow, it's been a long time...

2011-08-23T19:28:00.000-05:00

I had someone at work tell me that they missed my blogs. Well, I do too. Thank you, you know who you are, for inspiring me to start these up again. The summer has been busy so I haven't been so good about keeping up with whats going on. That will change. As I look back through the posts I have written in the past, I realize I'm keeping a journal, for possibly my boys to read when they are older. I hope they enjoy it as much as I do.

So much has been going on between my new job, Kyle's new marketing adventure, and keeping up with everything else around the house. It feels awesome tonight though...we got our carpets cleaned today. It looks and smells clean in here. That makes me happy.

So about the boys...they are just getting big. It is so much fun to hang out with them, and since they can talk to me and tell me what they want to do, want to eat, and everything else, it never makes for a dull moment. I was thinking about it the other night, and Tyler is to the age where I definitely have memories still. For me, I remember snapshots of Kindergarten, and then more and more as it goes on. That big guy started 1st grade last week. Yes, 1st grade. I told him in 1st grade I learned how to read and do math. They taught him that in Kindergarten. It's amazing how advanced kids are today. We have a friend that has a senior in high school. She is taking Advanced Placements classes for everything to earn college credit while in High School. Amazing.

And Connor, his personality that is developing is amazing. They are both such different kids, and after taking personality training classes at work, they could not be more opposite. Connor is sitting here next to me while I type this, as close to me as he can. Tyler is pushing every limit he can (which is typical), because he wants to know exactly how much he can get away with before you completely lose it. Connor just wants to make you smile.

I find myself studying my boys more, interested in everything they are doing. I find it hilarious that they both like to watch old Tom & Jerry cartoons, and Tyler likes to watch Disney Channel TV shows that are made for pre-teens. "Good Luck Charlie" is his favorite. Tyler also likes Lego projects with instructions to build things. Connor would rather color and picture, and follow his own instructions.

I promise not to be a stranger here. Their lives are just getting interesting...

Tyler took this picture when we were on vacation this summer. He took about 10 pictures of his Stitch doll. It was cute, until we accidently left it there. They mailed it to us, and that was the happiest reunion, ever!

Catching up

2011-06-21T21:01:00.000-05:00

So I haven't been able to post here as often as I had wanted after school was finished, so I'm going to do a little catching up tonight.

My favorite story from recent is of Connor. We've had thunderstorm after thunderstorm after thunderstorm come through our area. Even as I look out the window right now I can see the gray clouds getting bigger in the west, which means we're usually in for another one. I think we have had a thunderstorm nearly every other night for weeks. It's been crazy.

One night I put the kids to bed, and Connor was having one of his nights where he just didn't quite want to go to sleep. He has those frequently just because he doesn't quite need as much sleep as Tyler. That's okay. He usually just sits in there and sings to himself. It's darling.

One night during a horrible thunderstorm, I thought for sure the storm was keeping him up so I walked in there and asked if he wanted me to lay with him (which I LOVE by the way, so I will gladly give in!), and he said "sure".

I got in bed with him and just pulled the covers over me. Connor then reached over and put his arms around me and said "It's okay Mom, I got 'cha." I'm pretty sure he thought he was comforting ME during the storm. In true Connor fashion, he stepped up to it and came in to provide comfort. He then proceeded to lay there and trace his finger over my face, which just makes me melt. I swear he was (sometimes) put on this earth to comfort me, calm me down, and just de-stress me.

___________________________________________

And then there's my new child, Tyler. On his medication he has done nearly a 180. I say "nearly" because I think we still have some tweaking to do (based on my observations, and his current teacher's), but he is just, different. I can't really explain it to people except to say that when I look in his eyes, there is something different there. I think that "different" is him. He's always been there, but just so distracted. By getting him to focus it's just amazing to see how he looks so deep within your eyes, with an intensity that just pierces your soul. I love it. Our conversations have just been amazing, even though it's usually about ghosts or Big Foot, which seem to be on the top of his mind right now.

Big Foot and ghosts.... it kind of cracks me up. This kid has the same quest for the supernatural that his mom does. We're having fun with it, and he LOVES it! There's a new show on Animal Planet called "Finding Bigfoot" where these people are actually out hunting for him in North Carolina. He watches it just like I used to watch the X-Files. Too funny.

We're all thoroughly enjoying me being done with school. Especially me. I didn't realize just how much I was missing......

Family

2011-05-31T12:58:00.001-05:00

This weekend was a family weekend. By family I don't only mean the 4 people that live in this house, but our extended family. Our in-laws, our friends, and the kids that we've watched grow up over the last 8 years we've lived in this house.

Little Dylan graduated from High School. And by little, I don't really mean little at all. He's taller than me and has two jobs right now. One of them is at the daycare center where we take our kids, and he's fantastic at it. The kids just love him, and so do the parents. He's always smiling, and will always give you a short "brief" on what the kids did that day. He tells me about good days, bad days, and everything in between.

It was so nice being with friends and family that know me so well. We can just talk and laugh and laugh some more. The graduation party on Sunday ended up lasting over 12 hours because no one really wanted to go home. It was fun, and there was enough food and drinks for an army, and the army that we had, ate and drank it all. The Ney's have never ran out of food and drink at their house, ever.

I ended up taking over 350 pictures that day at the party, since Vicki put me in charge of being "Wang" (the term all of my friends know me as, affectionately given to me in honor of the movie 'Caddyshack'.) Here are some of my favorites from the day that capture the moments, the fun, and just the reason that we have friends and family so close.

Two Peas. One Pod. =)

Dylan (right) and his friend, Tanner. Connor thinks Tanner is one of the coolest guys, ever.

A nasty rainstorm went through Sunday morning and created puddles everywhere. Never fear though, the kids know just what to do with them! (Chase is here having fun!)

Guess who else found the puddle? Connor had two showers that night to remove grass and mud from him, and went through at least 4 outfits. He had a blast.

Tyler's best adult friend, Bret. Bret has a jet ski and Tyler thinks he is the coolest guy, ever.

Connor was about floored when he noticed there were other teachers from Frog Hollow (his daycare) at the party (since they are friends with Dylan). He was so shy to talk to them, and it was so cute. You could tell he was trying to put it all together in his head, like his worlds were colliding. He finally warmed up enough to them, and hung around Alex, Nick and Kinsey for the rest of the evening.

Me and my sister-in-law, Kim. I cannot tell you how much fun we had that night, but my stomach is still sore from laughing.

This is one of my favorites of me and Kyle from the night. Maybe because he has cash in his hand...I'm not sure.

The girls getting crazy. Brenda, Sam and I having a laugh.

I will do everyone else a favor and not post the remaining pictures, because as you can see from the counter, fun was had by all!

Families are there for you all the time. In good, in bad, and in fun. I'm really glad this day could be one of the fun ones. It makes life just that much more fun when you know you have lots of people that you can count on, and that are counting on you.

The e-mail that made my day

2011-05-22T19:20:00.001-05:00

Last week was a crazy week. It was work times two, packing boxes to move to my new job, and lots of stuff at home. I was distracted, at best.

Friday afternoon I was walking back to my office and was checking my Blackberry to get caught up on e-mail. I was thrilled when I received the following message from his kindergarten teacher:

"Just wanted you to know that Tyler has been doing much better this week. He wrote a story today that had a detailed picture with it, used spaces, great handwriting, and he used several sentences to tell the story. He was very proud of his work!!! Have a great weekend."

It was one of the best times of my life. We're getting there. He is a totally different kid, and I wish I could explain it so it would make sense to others, but you know what, it just means the world to me.

Sometimes, with all of the distractions in life and everything else frustrating or worrysome, there are small miracles that happen all the time. Right in front of me.

Sharing

2011-05-16T16:34:00.000-05:00

It is again this time of the year. I'm not quite sure if it's my favorite, because I have a lot of favorites in the year. One that does stick in my mind though is the fresh green grass (when it's so new and soft) and when the sun stays out longer in the evening. I guess that would be now.

It was such a yucky weekend, so to see the sun finally poke it's head out on Sunday afternoon was wonderful. We were able to sit outside some, enjoy some beverages with friends, and grill some food. This picture just says "relaxing" to me.

We are also fans of sharing things around our house. One of the things we like to share is pinkeye. Tyler was home last Tuesday with it, and Connor woke up with a nasty case of it on Sunday. This is nothing compared to what his eye looked like in the morning. Poor guy, and he HATES the eye drops we have to give him. He will fight with every ounce of his strength to just not have those drops put in his eyes. By the way, I think he is stronger than I am. (Sorry for the gross picture, but you really get the point).

As he got up this morning, I didn't think I should send him to daycare looking how he did. Although he had been on the drops for 24 hours (their rule) his eye was still pretty blood shot so he stayed home with me. I had a day of vacation planned anyway, so it wasn't too bad. I got some things done, and had a buddy with me who I spoiled all day long.

Connor knows I'm a total pushover for him when we're alone, so as I stopped at Casey's to get gas, he asked for a donut. I didn't mind at all, and let him pick out whatever he wanted. He picked out powdered donuts and we ate them on the deck. He shared one with me, because he said I was his friend.

With school being done, I'm really enjoying getting back to life. I have about 15 pounds to lose that I gained over the 20 months of the program, and a new job to begin pretty soon too that I think will have me really challenged for a while.

Most of all, I'm enjoying getting back to my family. I've missed truly enjoying them.

Finally Back

2011-05-10T21:25:00.000-05:00

This is so nice... you have no idea. I'm sitting on my couch in the evening, just messing around on the computer. I actually did some work earlier, but am finally able to catch up on my heart and soul (my blog). This is the place where I dump "it" (my heart and soul), so that is what it might as well be called.

There are so many things to catch us up on. Too many to count. So many things I'm worried about, stressed about, proud about, and everything in between, it's just confusing. I don't even have enough to talk about all of them, so I'll talk about what's most important to me. My kids...

I've talked many times about Tyler. Finally, this spring in his school conference with his Kindergarten teacher, I just blurted it out... "Do you think Tyler could have......... issues?"... and then cringed for my answer.

His teacher is awesome. She just paused, and thought about her answer and said, "Yes, I think Tyler is definitely a child that could benefit from some testing to see how we could better work with him".

That moment was life-changing. I was relieved, and worried, all at the same time. I knew Tyler was a different child from the moment he was born, and to finally hear someone in the "professional world" acknowledge that for me was incredible.

I immediately made an appointment for Tyler at the recommendation of his teacher with a psychologist in town. She's incredible, and Tyler really likes her a lot. He will only refer to her as "Tricia", and I think she makes him feel really comfortable. We visited her 4 times, once for Kyle & I to talk to her about what we've seen, and two times to have him tested, and then for our follow up appointment We didn't get to see the tests, but only heard from Tyler that "they were hard".

I went to the follow up appointment last week to discuss his test resuts, and Kyle was not able to go due to a work committment he could not get out of. She talked to me for nearly a half an hour about the results of his tests, that showed he has attention and control issues that are worse that 90% of the kids his age. It was like looking at an Iowa Test of Basic Skills (something I took as a child that they still administer to kids in school) in reverse. All of his scores were worse than over 90% of "normal" kids. She said he really struggled, a lot. He struggled so much that she ended the last test early because he finally looked at her and said "I have no idea what you just said", when asked to repeat a simple sentence she read.

I knew this. None of this surprised me, really. Or his teacher, or Kyle, or his grandparents, or our friends, or anyone on this earth. Anyone that had met Tyler knew he was special.

It wasn't until after this that I got the shock.

I had people at work compare it to Down's Syndrome, and told me to not even tell the school because he would be labeled, and put in special classes. I had people tell me "But it's not like the end of the world, is it?", when they heard. I had people that told me about the special government programs that he would qualify for...

What what what? Really? Honest to God, he qualifies now as a child with a disability. Seriously. That about floored me. I had always heard about ADHD, and what you had to do about it, and the medication might make him not hungry, etc., but I had NEVER heard that he would have to be put on a special government program to ensure he gets the right education, and that we would be in a meeting next week with his teacher, the guidance counselor, his principle and his teacher, all at the same time, to discuss how Tyler can have the "right" education.

Really?

No one wants anything else for their children than for them to be "normal". And don't get me wrong, this is nothing as far as health issues go, but over the last week, I have learned that our life will be different with him for the next 12 years, and we will have to pick the right teacher, and ask that he sit in front of class, and he will be on medication, and we have to read special government websites and ensure there is a "plan" documented with the school so he gets the right education. Nothing you would ever expect to have to do with your otherwise totally normal child.

Okay, so maybe I'm making this out to be more than it is, and I've probably talked to more people about it than I should, but I was really confused at first, and now I'm just trying to figure this out.

So, here we start on this journey, and it worries me. I worry about that poor guy, because I've seen him struggle, and seen his pain, and seen his HUGE tears. He really wants what is right, but just can't connect the dots to get there, so that's what we're going to help him to try do. Pray for us through this journey, because I don't think it will be too hard for him, but it will be extremely hard for me. He's my boy. My oldest boy. The baby I knew first, and I know him like he's a part of my soul. I've cried more in the last week than I have about much lately, because I want nothing less for Tyler than to be able to achieve the wishes and dreams that everyone has. And we'll get him there...

Stay Tuned.....

2011-04-03T21:57:00.000-05:00

I haven't disappeared, yet.... Just trying to get through the next 5 weeks until Graduation. I have papers, and work, and kids, and housework, and laundry, and everything else that makes me insane.

Stay tuned...as soon as school is over, I promise to post regularly. =)

Things I will do when I graduate

2011-03-01T21:14:00.002-06:00

Although the last year and a half has gone fast, I simply cannot wait to be done with school. Our last day of class is on May 6th, and on May 13th I will once again, walk across a stage and receive a diploma. I am so excited and proud of that, but as I was sitting here tonight, procrastinating a final that I have to do, I just got to thinking.

Here are some things I want on my "Bucket List" for this summer, after I graduate. Just to have the weight of school off my shoulders will be total freedom, so I want to make sure I remember, and savor every minute of it.

So.... This summer, I will:

Not procrastinate any more papers/assignments/finals, etc. =)
Not rush the kids to bed because I have stupid paper/assignment/final to do.
I will look in the mirror every morning, and remember that I did it, and how much I was looking forward to being "done".
I will exercise regularly - meaning more than 4 times per week. When we started the program they warned us that we will gain about 10 pounds. They were right.
We will take a family vacation that is farther than the nearby lake.
I will lay in the grass in June, when it is the softest, and look at the sky and just.....think.
I will clean out my bedroom corner that has been collecting junk for years.
I will have breakfast with my parents at least once a month, and visit them at their house at least once a month too. (We LOVE to meet for breakfast at the Machine Shed in Davenport. It's nearly a halfway point for us, and their food is so awesome, I literally won't eat the rest of the day after having breakfast there.)
I will go visit my sister and spend a couple days with her, just her and I. We need to reconnect and just hang out, and rediscover who WE are.
I will smile more.

Hold me to these. I'm going to enjoy my family this summer like never before.

Wow

2011-02-22T22:10:00.001-06:00

First, I must suggest you listen to the link below:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9FBKa-bCasY&feature=related

If you don't have time, that's okay. I think you'll get the point.

That song is the old eToys commercials theme song. I have loved that song for years, especially after having my boys. It's so cute, so innocent, and just so...perfect.

Today, Tyler stayed home sick. That poor kid had a fever of 104.1 when I left for study group on Monday night. I felt so bad for him. He had reached the point where he was sitting in the chair, and looked at me, and just started crying. I don't think he knew what else to do, he felt so horrible. I gave him some Children's Motrin, and Daddy sat in the chair to hold him. He was almost too hot to hold.

I stayed home with him today. He was so sick that his poor little body slept and slept and slept. He woke up at 4am to go to the bathroom, and still had a fever. I gave him more Motrin, and he went back to sleep. I had to wake him up at 11:45 this morning. Yes, that would be lunchtime, folks. My child, that rarely sleeps beyond 7am, EVER. I finally thought it probably wasn't smart to sleep much longer. He had to be dehydrated, and if his fever broke (which I knew it did - I was checking on him every half hour) that he would likely be hungry. He really hadn't eaten since Sunday.

He was perfect. He sat up in bed - almost startled that I woke him up. He then climbed down out of bed and immediately asked where Connor was. I had to explain to him that it was lunchtime, and Connor was at school. It was then that I got to hear his squeaky voice. Although his fever was gone, so was his voice.

Tonight he was tired at bedtime, so it wasn't hard to get him into bed.  He climbed into bed, we read a few books, and then I left their room.

About 20 minutes later, I was sitting at the kitchen table, and Tyler walked out. He told me he wasn't tired, to which I wasn't surprised. After sleeping till noon (I'm not sure I remember the last time I slept that late, if I did ever.), I'm sure he wasn't tired. I wouldn't be either.

I asked him if he wanted to sit in the rocking chair. That is our routine, when he was a toddler. Tyler never liked the rocking chair, voluntarily, when he was a baby, but once he reached about two years old, he finally would sit in my lap.  We would read books, relax, and usually both end up falling asleep. That was awesome.

We sat in the rocking chair in the living room. This is the same rocking chair that we had in Tyler's room as a baby that we nursed/rocked/soothed in when he was a baby.  There are a lot of memories in that chair. A lot. We sat in the chair tonight and I had my Pandora going on my computer in the kitchen. I had been working when Tyler walked in, and had a perfect channel on to listen to.

As we sat in the chair, I grabbed the Toy Story fleece blanket from the basket, and wrapped up Tyler, and sat down with him. As we started rocking, a song from the kithcen, "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" started playing. It was awesome.

We just rocked, and rocked, and he cuddled up to me. He's so big now. That boy that was a little over 7 pounds at birth, is up to my chest now, at 6 years old. By junior high, he'll be taller than me. I'm going to enjoy every cuddling moment I can with him. I just relaxed and listened to the music, and rocked, and rocked. It was hard to even think of stopping. I remembered the days that I would just fall asleep (work was a bit less hectic those days), and it was beautiful.

Tonight I remembered what is really important. I worry a lot about what I'm doing, and even more about what I'm not doing. I'm not doing enough work, enough tasks, enough anything, but what is really important right now? I found it tonight.   It was right there in my arms.

Really?

2011-02-08T20:45:00.002-06:00

Some odd things that happened today (besides generally the whole day, that I really won't bore you with because it would probably contain a whole bunch of whining...)

I pick the kids up from daycare, and go through my normal routine...

a) Sign them out
b) Head to Connor's room
c)  Look for Connor
d) Have Connor run over to me yelling "MOMMY!" with his arms wide open. (I love that part!)
e) Grab stuff out of Connor's cubby

Okay, stop right there. I still laugh out loud about it. There was a paper in his cubby that said (and I quote):

"Dear Parents,
   Our records show that your child   EDDIE was enrolled in gymnastics lessons...."

Okay. Yea, yea, I forgot to pay Connor's Gymnastics Express tuition for the quarter. [They have an awesome bus that comes to the daycare center that has been retrofitted to be, basically, a gymnastics gym. Before you knock it, you should see it. I didn't believe it either, but it's amazing. The guy that runs it was in the Iowa Gymnastics program years ago, and just loves little kids. He also plays Santa Clause during their winter program (for a little added trivia).]

So, how did a paper for Eddie end up in Connor's cubby? I have no idea... And who is Eddie? And did he not pay his tuition either? Or has there been a big mix-up and Al from the Gymnastics Express has been calling Connor "Eddie" for the last year? I don't know why it made me laugh so much, but just the different combinations of how that could've happened, I find amusing.

Now I just have to plan to have Tyler picked up directly from school on Friday so he doesn't go back to daycare for his before and after school program. Why?...

There is a sign on the door announcing their Valentine Party they are having Friday afternoon. To participate just bring enough valentines to share with 59 STUDENTS?!?!?!?!?!?!? WHAT????? I did a triple-take. 59?????? I already bought two boxes of Valentine's for the kids actual school classes, and now they are having a party with the ENTIRE Before and After School program?

No. Mommy don't play dat. Sorry, Tyler. I can do 20 for your class, but 59 is crazy. Usually everyone includes candy in their Valentine as well, so that would mean about 59 pieces of candy/candy bars/sugar would be coming home and we would then fight about that all weekend. Nope. Not gonna do it. That's insane.

And... since Kyle and I communicate more via text and e-mail anymore, I sent Kyle this e-mail tonight:

Kyle-

Can you pick Tyler up directly from School on Friday? I REALLY REALLY REALLY don't want him to go back to Frog Hollow for their Valentine party, because I'm lazy. LAZY ENOUGH that I don't want do 59 more Valentine's. Are they kidding? 59. No way. He doesn't need to do 59 Valentine's, and certainly doesn't need the candy from 59 of them either.

Let me know if that would work. Otherwise, I need to go buy 4 more boxes of Valentine's at the store.

Crazy at home,

Jenny

So it's been an odd day all around. Every time stuff like that happens I look at it and go "okay, if that is the worst or craziest thing that has happened to me all day, we're in pretty good shape!"  And at least with the antics that happen with the kids, I can always laugh.

Just smile

2011-02-05T23:02:00.002-06:00

I have a few friends that are going through some tough times with their kids right now. It's anywhere from the always being sick phase, to the "do we give up the bottle/pacifier?" phase, to the "what on earth have I done phase?". I just smile when I hear of their frustrations, because I vividly remember them, and even still feel some of them (especially the "what have we done???"). It really makes me think back and remember...

I remember wondering if Tyler would EVER sleep through the night. At 8 months, that boy had not given me more than 2 full nights of sleep his whole life (and those were by accident, he was very sick), and I was tired, and exhausted, and frustrated, and just done. And it finally happened.

I remember the time when Tyler was 10 months old and he was so sick and Kyle called me at work and asked if he should call 911. I didn't feel like I should be missing so much work, but that call changed it all for me. I went home, and was lucky enough at that time to have a boss that called me before she went home that night and said these exact words (which I will never forget), "Jenny, take care of your family. They are your priority right now. We'll be fine. Help Tyler get better, and we'll see you when he's healthy. And please let us know if you need anything" I literally burst into tears, right while I was on the phone with her.

I used to hate it when people would tell me "You'll miss it when it's gone." because at that point, there was NOTHING I was going to miss about that time. I was stressed out, maxed out, and just spent.

Then I look back to that time, and although I know my mind has blocked some of the "bad parts" out, I'm still doing that today. Our days aren't perfect, and I have a mouthy 6 year old that has a favorite phrase of "that sucks" (which I hate), and a 3 year old that gets mad and likes to hit me. They both have seen time out more this weekend than I would have preferred.

Just to remind me of how good I have it, I like to look back through pictures. They make me smile, and just love those crazy little boys more than ever...

Tyler with Daddy. I think he was about 4-5 months old here. He wasn't sleeping at all, and I was insanely jealous that my husband was getting a full night sleep, since I was still nursing. He was literally sick every week, and was probably sick in this picture too. It was ridiculous.

Fast forward a little bit - Tyler had removed the register vent, and climbed into it. Seriously. I could not keep up with that kid to save my life.

Then we added another one. Connor was 6 days old in this picture. I love this picture more than any picture we have.

This was Connor in the hospital while having his pictures taken. They actually captured him giving us a "salute". So very cute. He was so little, and was just the cuddliest baby ever. Even the nurses said he was special. They did not say that with Tyler. I have since figured out why. (No offense, Tyler. When you are 30 years old I will explain to you what I mean.)

And then the cuddly baby started to eat food. He was 11 months old in this picture, and his favorite was lasagna, can you tell? It drove me crazy that he got so messy. We went from the high chair to the bath tub. What a good time that was though.

And my goodness, that kid was addicted to his pacifiers. If he didn't have one, he had two. And usually one was in his hand and one in his mouth. I was so worried that it would be so hard to get rid of them, but didn't actually appreciate the sane-ness they were giving me at the time. And people told me "don't use them if you don't have to", and "you'll be sorry". To this day, I love pacifiers, and think they are God's gift to Moms.

Sometimes I think I don't give Tyler enough credit for teaching Connor things. This is Tyler teaching his little brother how it's done in the pool. Connor was a little skeptical, at first, and then jumped right in. Tyler can be the most awesome big brother at time, and sometimes, the most absolute worst.

And then, before I knew it, Tyler graduated from Preschool. Graduated? From Preschool? Wait, where did the first 5 years go? How could they be gone? Where was I? How come I don't remember everything?

I use to think to myself "Why is this so difficult?", and "this is crazy - why on EARTH do people have children???". Those days were the worst. And then I realized why. I try to listen more carefully now to these little boys, and just hear what they are saying. I love their cute voices (Tyler sounds like a little boy, and Connor like a little man), and I even enjoy when they want to snuggle in bed with us in the morning.

Looking back now, I wish I could've made time slow down a little. It moved so fast, and though some of the times I wouldn't want to live again for anything, it was the whole package. It was getting up 15 times at night, but then having them give you a hug in the morning. It was getting puked on, and then realizing one day that they know your real first name. I'll never forget the day that Tyler called me "Jenny". It was almost as if I was finally a person, to him, and to me. I know that sounds strange, and I can't explain it, but that day brought tears to my eyes.

It's so easy in retrospect to say what I would have done different (because there are too many things), because as I type this, my 2 young boys are in the living watching Rambo. Yes, Rambo. And one is pointing a Nerf gun at me now. Gotta go.

Where has the time gone?

Our bed in the morning

2011-01-17T20:09:00.000-06:00

Over the last couple of weeks, there has been rarely a morning when I get out of my bed in the morning, and the only other person there is Kyle. 9 times out of 10 there is another body there, not for long, but none-the-less, there.

The boys started sharing a room over Christmas. This was the best idea we had ever had - because it took the room the was once Connor's (that he didn't use for anything except to sleep and it nicely stored toys along the walls), and it turned it into a functional office/game room. It. is. awesome!!! When you live in a three bedroom ranch with no basement, in the middle of the frozen tundra of Iowa (it's been so cold), it's so nice to just have someplace else to go. Kyle made himself an "office" (since he works from home frequently), and we set up a TV in there for the Wii. The boys love it, I love it, and I smile just thinking about it.

What that did though, is put our boys in one room. That has been working out great, except when they wake up at 4:30 or 5am. I would've usually just put them back in their bed, but am careful not to do that now, because I don't want to wake the other one up (they've been known to do that), and I guess, I kind-of like it.

This morning it was Tyler. He came in at about 5:30, and we know him too well. That kid only wakes up when he's hungry. He's so predictable. Since we had people over to watch football yesterday, he was distracted and didn't eat as much as he normally would. He did lay down, but tossed and turned and flipped and banged his hands on the headboard. Finally at about 6am I got up with him and we went out to the kitchen. I asked him what he wanted to eat... his response? "Anything..." Poor guy. He ate party potatoes, some oatmeal, some macaroni and cheese and some chicken. Wow.

2 days ago it was Connor in our bed. That kid can snore like nobody's business. Holy Lord. I had him on one side of me and Kyle on the other. Connor was snoring so loud, I gave up and decided to try to sneak out of bed. No luck. I accidently woke him up while attempting my stealthy moves, and then had a very crabby Connor for the rest of the morning. I should've just laid there, but my lord he's loud.

I can say one thing, and that is I certainly don't mind being woken up that way. Someone standing inches from my face, breathing on me, but usually just wanting me to help them. I gladly pull them up in bed, and try to suck every ounce of "kidness" out of them, because they are growing up so fast. Tyler is nearly 70 pounds and Connor is pretty much out of toddler clothes now. Pretty soon we'll be shopping the mens department and buying shoes online because their foot are too big to buy shoes in stores.

Until then.... I'm going to look forward to cuddling with my boys. Even if it means the morning comes much earlier than ever expected...

A season of smiles

2010-12-28T09:37:00.000-06:00

So yet another Christmas has come and gone, and it was my favorite, by far. I'm finding as the boys get older, everything we do with them is just so much fun. They can tell us funny stories and things that happened to them, and we had so much fun with the Santa stories this year. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to get them to do anything now, since Santa was the enforcer in our house for a long time...

But most fun of all was watching all of the smiles.

First, I must show you the Gingerbread house we made. The pictures actually make it look a LOT better than it was. Holy cow, it slide apart and candy fell off and I just referred to it as the "Gingerbread House of Horrors" until the boys ate all the candy off of it.

And then we have Christmas. Actually, this was Christmas Eve day since we head out of town on Christmas day. The boys got their presents from Santa on the 24th, and judging by the look on Connor's face, I'm not sure he could be more excited.

Connor was VERY excited to get shoes. Heck, when you're 3 years old, it's not necessarily the gift you get, but the fact that it is so exciting just opening something - even if it is stuff you would need anyway. Good thinking, Santa!

One of the coolest things, in my opinion, were the huge suckers Santa brought the boys. Santa picked these up at the airport in Amsterdam. They were awesome, it was actually a plastic container with 12 smaller suckers inside. I just thought they were especially cute, and they reminded me of something that would come from the North Pole.

One of the only gifts Tyler asked for was his Nintendo DS. I'm thinking this face says "SCORE"!

And just when I thought it couldn't get any better, we had the most beautiful snow outside. I also had to snap a picture of the decal of the "big guy" I have on our back door. It was definitely a White Christmas for us.

Christmas Eve we had over to the Stanfield house. This year, all the kids (young and old) played Bingo. It was a blast, and for the first time EVER, all the kids sat at the table and were enthralled as Grandpa Larry called out the Bingo numbers.

Fast forward to the next day at Grandpa Breuer's house. Another first... 3 kids laying on the floor on a blanket, all playing with their DS' (and Connor has his Leapster). Too cute.

Another super fun toy was the Paper Jamz guitar that Connor got. You know it's a fun toy when you find yourself, as a parent, even playing with it when your child isn't home. It is awesome, and sounds just like you are a professional guitar player.

This year was so much different than the others, and I can only see it getting better. The boys were not only excited for themselves, but for each other. Tyler loved to help show Connor how to play his games and just how everything works. Very cute.

It was such a great Christmas with all of our family, and it ended too fast, as it usually does. We'll soon have to take down the Christmas tree and all the decorations until next year. I did find this quote though that really made an impression on me:

"My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?" - Bob Hope

Exactly.

Just some memories...

2010-12-21T21:56:00.000-06:00

As Christmas closes in...I have spent a lot of time trying to think of ways to make Christmas memorable for my boys. Trying to find ways that I can make Christmas more of an event for my boys, than just toys. The toys. The toys are driving me crazy. I know they want them, but as I'm getting older old now, I try to remember back to what I remember about Christmas, and I can hardly remember one, single, toy.

I do remember the Christmas where Dad must've got a bonus. It was nice. There was a cardboard toy house, and my sister got a Ronald McDonald doll. I don't even remember what I got that day, but I remember her joy as she picked up the Ronald McDonald (she must've been around 5 or so) and just hugged and hugged him. That was so cute. But toys for me, I don't really remember.

What I do remember was what came along with every Christmas (bonus or not), and that was Grandma's house. Both Grandma's. At the time I didn't realize it, but it was just awesome.

To this day, I remember the smell when I walked into Grandma Breuer's house - and I can recreate it in my own home by just putting a ham in the oven. The beautiful smell of ham and potatoes and cookies and just... Christmas. That is the only way I can describe it, because that is what it was for me.

I remember trying to fit six cousins on one piano bench while we let her player piano play "White Christmas", while my oldest cousin, Tim, sang at the top of his lungs. (Being the oldest, he got the solo gig).

I remember the Crayola Caddy I would receive every Christmas. And although I'm not sure she knew the value to me, I would cherish it every day of the next coming year. I wish I could tell her that to this day.

I remember Christmas at her house like it was yesterday, because with my Grandma, you followed a strict routine. After dinner, the adults would sit at the table and possible enjoy a bottle of wine, while the kids went to the basement to ride on the big wheels and tricycles that lined her unfinished basement. The six of us would go around and around and around, and usually know when we pushed the limits with the noise we were making when Grandma herself, would open the door and take about two or three steps down the stairway into the basement, her heels making big "clacking" noises on the stairs. That's when we knew we really needed to be quiet (instead of the 10 times our own parents stuck their head through the door.)

We always spent time at one Grandma's house, and soon as that Christmas was closing, we headed over to the next Grandma's house. I'm sure the day was busy and stressful for my parents, but for me, it was awesome. When we got to the "next Grandma's" house, we had leftovers from her dinner, played her piano, and my sister and I usually retreated to her spare bedroom for some peace and quiet, which was much welcomed after the busy day we had already had. We were usually spent, but always happy to be at Grandma's house, because she was Grandma.

I could ramble on and on about my memories of Christmas, and what made them so special for me, but it would be so hard to summarize those because it was just about everything. It was everything that happened in the day that made it so special.

So I am so careful with my boys know. In my effort to make the day "perfect", I don't want to ruin the opportunity for the day to happen as it was supposed to. I find myself really, really trying to find the things that they will remember. I know it won't be the toys, and it won't be the clothes. It could be the smallest things like, what we had for dinner, or, what did the cousins do together after dinner?

This holiday season, think to yourself, what really make the holidays special for you? And what do you really want the day to end... feeling like? What is your perfect Christmas day?

Magic

2010-12-06T21:22:00.001-06:00

This weekend was, for lack of any better words...incredible. Sometimes it seemed as if I was living the life of my imagination years ago, where we would sit on the living room and play Uno, and sit in front of the fire and just cuddle, and bundle up and play in the new fallen snow, and bake Christmas cookies while listening to Christmas music.... because we did ALL of these. It was beautiful.

But the Queen-Mother of the weekend, was when we took a ride on the "North Pole Express". It's a train in a town south of us that is used for all sorts of different events, but at Christmas, they turn it into a re-creation of "The Polar Express".

The inside of the train was even decorated with garland and lights, and on the speakers in the train played the story of "The Polar Express". The train "drove" to the North Pole (I found out it actually went around in some circles, the windows were covered with a clear contact paper so you couldn't see clearly out of them), and then finally arrived (at a large warehouse where the train was parked inside). It was then when it got even more awesome...

There was hot chocolate and cookies for everyone, and Santa had his own traincar. It was just, magical.

The boys each got to sit on Santa's lap, which was a miracle in itself. We have not been able to get Tyler within a mile of any Santa his entire life. He has been terrified of him since he was a baby. Connor loved it, was ready to pose, and then actually turned into Ralphie from "A Christmas Story" when Santa asked him what he wanted for Christmas. He got all embarrassed, and needed a little coaching. I could just see him with the thoughts in his head like Ralphie did... "What did I want? Why can't I remember? A football, yes, a football.."

Again, I was totally amazed when Tyler sat on Santa's lap. For the first couple of seconds he did look like he was going to have a brief anxiety attack, and then calmed down and was actually able to tell Santa what he wanted.

The boys had a great time. They ate lots of cookies, drank lots of hot chocolate, played with trains, Connor made a craft (Tyler wanted to play more with the real train sets they had there), and then we boarded the train again for them to take us "back to Iowa". It was just amazing watching the boys faces to see how they took everything in.

Then Sunday brought another cold, cold day, so we found things in the house to keep us busy. We made Christmas cookies in the afternoon, which was fun, and even more special was watching to see how the boys decorated them.

The snowman below was one of the better looking guys of the bunch. Tyler made him all by himself. Pretty cute, if I must say...

And then the boys ate many of the cookies they were decorating. You can tell what happens to Connor when he eats too much sugar. Yes, it's like a crack addict when that kid gets into it. He had only had a couple cookies in this picture. It got MUCH much crazier as the afternoon went on...

Tyler wanted me to take a picture of the bell that Santa gave him. Again, it was so neat. Just like the movie. He will be talking about this for years, and has already give us instructions (multiple times) about cleaning out the fireplace the night before Christmas, and we even have an ornament on our tree that is a "key" for Santa, in case he can't fit down the chimney, he sends an elf down to get it and bring it up to unlock the door. (Tyler made that story up himself.)

Tyler then went over and placed it on the small Christmas tree we have in the kitchen (yes, we have two trees - I would have more if I could!). It was just an incredible weekend, and every year when others are just wishing it would hurry up and get over with, I am trying to suck every last minute out of Christmas that I can. Every song, every tree, every decoration, and every special moment that is a memory that we will keep with us forever.

The Sunrise

2010-12-01T22:06:00.001-06:00

This is the beautiful sunrise I woke up to yesterday morning. I hate to say it, but the sunrise I woke up to this morning was even more beautiful, but I couldn't take pictures, because the sun was so bright. All I had was my cell phone, and it's pictures are poor, at best.

After taking these pictures, I felt as if I needed to share them with someone. Mostly, my family. I e-mailed them and then to all that would care, I texted them, and even posted them on Facebook to the rest.

Then tonight I had the chance to go to dinner with a young lady just a couple years younger than me. As we were eating and sharing stories of our kids and our husbands and our insanity, she asked me...

"So, do you like traveling like you do?". She knows my crazy travel schedule, and has just as equal hard time leaving her home with two young boys.

The first response out of my mouth wanted to be "yes!", because I do love to travel. I love sitting in airports watching people, and finally getting to whatever destination it is that I'm headed to and just enjoying whatever it is. It may be the crisp of the mountains in Colorado, or the humidity of Florida or the trees of the Northeast or the heat of Phoenix. I usually love walking out of an airport to "wherever I am" and just enjoying the fact that I'm there. Then getting in the car an exploring whatever new destination it is I have arrived to.

But then I come back.

As much as I love travel and love the job that I'm doing, I'm realizing more and more that it's just not possible with my boys at their ages. They need their parents. They need the love and the comfort and the softness that mom brings, as well as the love, and the security and the "manliness" (for lack of a better word) that dad brings. But more importantly, I need them. And their dad. I need my family to ground me, to keep me real, to keep me who I am, and keep me going in the direction that I should be going in life. Without them for a few days, it feels as if I'm a top that has begun to spin off track, and I'm going in a direction that doesn't even make sense, for me, or for anything.

I do notice a change when I leave. It's almost as if the boys grow an "awnry streak" while I'm gone, and the longer and longer I'm gone, the worse it gets. They get crazy, and bad, and loud. They drive Kyle crazy, and then when I get home, are just totally out of control until they feel a "balance" in their world. It takes a few days, for all of us, to get our worlds grounded back together. And these are the same children that I tried for years to conceive because I wanted nothing more than to have a family.

They are like bees without the honey, and sun without the sunny when we aren't together. It's almost as if they need to wear the pair of shoes, and one isn't there. I even forget sometimes what our lives together look like, and get so caught up in my own crazy, insane world of selfishness and chaos, to remember the boys that need me at home.

I've met up with too many people in the last couple months that are caught up in their jobs, and are on the road more than they are at home, and they are sad, and sometimes divorced, and then to hear them talk about their kids like they know them, but you can tell they really can't, and probably haven't seen their children in weeks.

So, I'm not sure where to end this, but all I know, is that it's no where near the end. I planned my life so much different..... With the beautiful sunrises and sunsets, but with people to share them with.

Sleepyheads

2010-11-11T22:33:00.001-06:00

We've had a few moments in the last couple of days where I've been able to capture pictures of the kids sleeping. I love to watch boys when they are sleeping. They are so still, peaceful, and just serene - not very much like when they are awake...

Here's Connor when he was in our bed one morning. This is very rare, but for whatever reason, he woke up at 4am one day and he was scared of something and I could tell he wasn't going to go back to his bed without a meltdown, so I just pulled him up into our bed. Although I don't mind having him sleep with us (because it hardly ever happens - something really scared him), that usually means one or both of us doesn't sleep for the rest of the night because we get kicked and slapped and pushed, etc. That was also the case this night, but he looked so darn cute in the morning, I even had to take a picture.

And then there's Tyler, who is too old to admit when he's tired now, and would rather just fall asleep wherever he is in the evening. Tonight he pulled the old rocking chair into the middle of the living room (that he never would let me rock him in when he was little) and ended up falling asleep in it when I took Connor to bed. He kept telling me "Mommy, can I stay up if I'm good and just sit here?", so I told him okay. I think he was asleep in that chair by 8:15. Perfect.

And then I pulled the covers off of him, and even thought about moving him when it got later and I needed to put him in bed. He looked so darn comfy in his jammies that I didn't want to touch him. I did end up carrying him back to his room, but decided I'm going to buy him more of those long underwear that he wears as jammies, because I even want them.

I love my boys, all the time. When they are sleeping I get to see a side of them that I sometimes forget. The innocence. The complete and total calm that comes with a child. And just the total love you have for them.

It's nice to be reminded every once in a while, about what is really important...

My Favorite Part of Halloween

2010-10-31T20:38:00.003-05:00

So we carved pumpkins. It was fun, but that meant that mommy and daddy did most of the carving since it involved knives and intricate pictures. It was still fun, and the owl and scary guy turned out pretty good...

The Owl (made by yours truly, at Connor's request)

The super scary guy (made by Kyle at Tyler's request)

Then on Halloween we had a couple of real scary guys in our house. One was Batman!

And a hunter. What is funny is that Tyler puts on this outfit at least once a weekend, so the neighbors have seen him in this at least every weekend for the last year. So, this time we added face paint to at least make it a little different.

And then the Trick Or Treating started. I took this picture from our front door. Tyler and Connor with our neighbor, Joe, the penguin. I'm not sure where Tyler picked up the branch, but it complemented the outfit well!

And then after trick or treating we lit candles in the house....

And we lit a fire.....

And then had a 3-year-old that ate too much candy. He also didn't nap today because he was so excited for tonight. Connor on no sleep and too much sugar = a mess. Poor guy. This picture still just cracks me up though - it totally explains the moment.

And then Connor took a bath, got on his jammies, and with Daddy and Tyler still outside, we sat on the couch and watched a movie. At one point, he grabbed my hand. I'm not sure if he knew what he was doing, but I'm just glad my camera was still next to me from taking the other picture above earlier. So I took a picture of this. Connor giving me some of his Connor love. It was awesome. His hand took mine, and he grabbed every single one of my fingers. He sat there and his breath started to get deep and heavy as he got more and more tired. I love it when that happens. Just totally relaxed, all in like 5 minutes.

And it was my favorite part of Halloween so far....

Fieldtrip with Daddy

2010-10-23T17:46:00.001-05:00

Connor's class at daycare took a trip to Bloomsbury Farm a week ago, and based on the pictures, they had a blast! I really commend Kyle for going on a fieldtrip with 17 three-year-olds. I think he had as much fun as they did though. When I got home, there were 114 pictures he had taken on the camera. Holy cow - and they call me "Wang"!

Here are some of the ones I like the best. It looks like it was a great trip!

Connor's bus full of friends! I especially like how they put them all in bright, matching t-shirts for field trips. Makes it A LOT easier to find (and keep an eye on) all the kids!

Now THAT is a happy smile! He's so excited!

Connor on the huge jumping pillow! This is the perfect toy for a bunch of 3 year olds!

I wondered what they were all looking at, and realized that is a GINORMOUS pig!

Connor and Daddy going on the tractor ride.

Connor and his best buddy, Teagan. (That's a good grip, Connor! Hope Teagan could breathe!)

They also have a play house for little kids. They had a blast in here!

The entire Frog Hollow class of 3 year olds. That is 17 in all. Kyle said every single one of them fell asleep on the way home. I wonder if the parents did too???

I'm sensing a trend

2010-10-21T21:37:00.000-05:00

I'll let you be the judge.... I think it's cute...

I think he's been growing through a growth spurt lately. (Tyler that is, not Kyle). He's been eating everything he can find, and sleeping A LOT. I especially know when he's growing a lot because I need to cut his fingernails every week.

Taking pictures like this and watching him sleep reminds me of when he was a baby. I took all sorts of pictures when he was sleeping, because it was so rare, and he looked so cute. I think the "looking cute" part is still the case. He's growing up so fast...

Sunday in the Park

2010-10-10T21:17:00.001-05:00

I went crazy with the camera this weekend. Well, every weekend I go crazy with the camera, but especially so this weekend. The trees have really began to turn their beautiful colors, and I love to get pictures of the boys while outside in the beautiful fall colors. Maybe it is the trees, or maybe it is their hazel, or brown, or green eyes (depending on the light, what they are wearing and the background), which just amaze me to no end.

This weekend didn't disappoint me. We had a great time, but I'll let you be the judge...

This picture just smells of trouble...

My favorite smile!

I love this one.

I didn't like this picture at first, but then I realized the reason I didn't like it, is because Tyler looks so big here. I think he looks 12, not 6. I refuse to accept the fact that my little boy, is growing up...

Brothers having a blast together.

The very serious Tyler. He often gives me these looks. There is so much meaning, to me, behind them...

Both kids are napping...

2010-10-03T16:35:00.003-05:00

And since I don't remember the last time that happened and I actually chose to sit down instead of running around the house trying to get things done, I decided to catch up on this.. my "journal".

Lots of random things happening around the house lately. Here are a few of them, in pictures...

We built a shed in our backyard. And by "we" I mean Kyle and the guys/boys of the neighborhood. This includes anyone else that we could recruit. We did our best to keep the child labor laws in mind, and didn't pay the younger kids for anything they might've done to help. We at one time though, had a 15 year old doing the roof. He did a great job, seriously. I was surprised!

Our backyard looked like Menards threw up, for about a week. Now it's 99% finished, and just needs paint, and sorry I don't have a finished picture of it. Once it has paint, I'll post that too.

Someone had a 6th birthday. This was our own little birthday party we had at home. He loved it!

Tyler opening presents in the kitchen. It was like Christmas - and had so much fun!

We went to the University of Iowa Homecoming Parade on Friday night. I attempted many times to get cute pictures of the boys, and this is the best I got, seriously. The boys had a blast, and got tons of candy, toys, tattoos, and junk that they don't need. They loved it!

Another failed attempted while walking to the car. Yes, that is a Branstad for Govoner sticker on the back of Connor's shirt.

So, if I can't get a picture of the boys, I will take a picture of the beautiful Old Capital. While walking back to the car it was so beautiful, I couldn't help but take like 15 pictures. The sky was perfect, and it was just, well, perfect.

Come all alums of Iowa and blend your voices true

Sing praises to our Alma Mater as good Hawkeyes do

We'll keep within our hearts a fire to magnify her fame

Bring credit to these noble halls where glory and honor reign

The day is near when comrades here will bid farewell and part

But each Hawkeye carries on, thy spirit in his heart

Oh, Iowa, Iowa, we drink a toast to you.

We pledge our everlasting love

to dear old Iowa U.

Alma Mater Iowa.........

(by memory - compliments of the U of I Marching Band. We used to have to sing this song while standing in the tunnel before every game entrance. Very good memories...)

So, it happened again.

2010-09-26T21:36:00.002-05:00

It was a busy weekend, but a good one. We had a blast. Tyler's 6th Birthday party was Friday night with his friends. 20 friends exactly. It was crazy, but it was fun. This was the first birthday where Tyler actually invited people that he wanted there, and I didn't even realize it.

I sent him to school with a backpack full of invitations for his class, with a few extras, just in case I miscounted. The night of his party, there were a couple kids there, that I have to admit, I had no idea where they came from. One of them looked like he was in 3rd grade, and then Kyle told me...

"Yep, that's Ethan. He goes to Frog Hollow in the Before & After School Program with Tyler and Tyler talks about him every day. He must've give him an invitation at daycare."

And that's when I realized there's where one of the other boys came from. Jackson and Tyler have been friends for years in daycare, since they were babies- but I knew he wasn't in his kindergarten class, so I wondered where he got the invitation. Slyly, Tyler took an extra invitation out of his backpack at daycare and gave them to those two boys, that he likes. I think that was pretty cool. He's actually inviting his true friends now. Not just the people that I think are his friends.

Tyler in the foam pit.

Tyler and Connor, with their hair-dos. I never thought I would have boys that wanted their hair done. It's mohawks and flohawks everyday in our house.

The whole party.

Tyler with his friend Thomas. Tyler and Thomas have been friends since they were infants in daycare. To this day, they are like brothers. It's so cute to see them together. They are like soul-mates as friends.

The party was a blast, and fun was had by all. I had to keep Tyler awake on the drive home just so I could get him cleaned up and into bed. (He gets mad if you have to put him in bed on the bottom bunk now, and there is no way possible that we can get him in the top bunk if he's already asleep - unless we were to toss him. We have decided against that up to this point...)

Anyway...where I was going with the story.... and why it's such a milestone to have a 6th birthday party with his friends...

Tyler and I were outside today while Connor was napping. I love it when Connor naps and I'm home alone with Tyler, because it's like something happens to us and we just connect. We can talk, we just laugh, and have so much fun. It's amazing.

I was sitting in the driveway, and Tyler was talking to me about something - I don't even remember what. All I remember is at one point he looked up at me with this look in his eyes like he was looking in to my soul, and I was looking into his. It was amazing.

I love it when that happens. It's like weeks or months of struggle, and hassle and just getting so frustrated with each other, and in one second, it's like we finally stop. I wish I had words for it, but I don't. All I had this afternoon were tears. I held myself together until he finally ran away pushing a truck, and just let the tears finally fall. He's just the neatest kid in the world sometimes.

I feel like I ramble a lot about this on my blog, but I do it for me. Because it's so amazing, because he's Tyler. He's the kid who spent the first year of his life crying and fussing. He wouldn't sleep unless you bounced on that frickin' bouncy ball and it was so hard and exhausting, and I secretly hated it, and then hated myself for hating it. And after that he was just nuts and wouldn't calm down and was a total spaz and was on special diets and I worried. I worried so much that there was something wrong, and people told me he was way too hyper for a kid his age, and I was just sick sometimes. And then the notes started coming home from daycare that "Tyler had a rough day" and "Tyler wasn't nice to his friends today" and I hated it. I didn't know what to do. What do you tell a 3 year old that hits his friends? He doesn't understand 5 hours after it happened. What could I do with this child that seemed to be impossible?

Then he started to grow up, and I started to see that sparkle in his eyes. The sparkle that told me he was all there, when he wanted to be. When he wanted me to know that he loved me, and everything would be okay. And I didn't see it often at first, but that is exactly what I saw today. It was almost like looking into a mirror of myself. A very strong, determined, not ever-ever going to give up for anything, and at the same time saying "don't worry about me, Mom, I've got this figured out".

That's all I can say about it. It was so incredible. Sometimes I feel with Tyler, that I celebrate those little things, like it's the first time he walked or talked or rode a bike without training wheels. I've learned though, with Tyler, that's what I have to do - to remind myself of how far we've come, and how especially incredible he is.

On to the next chapter...

2010-09-09T12:35:00.000-05:00

This past weekend, Kyle and I cleaned out the garage. Whenever we clean out the garage, we start making a "dump pile" of things that need to go to our local landfill. It's kind of fun - because we get crazy (yes, stupid as it sounds) and REALLY start cleaning and throwing things out that we haven't used in years. It's refreshing to finally make room, especially to park both of our cars in the garage. Although such a small thing, it was a huge accomplishment for us!

As we were cleaning, I came upon the diaper bag in the garage. It somehow made it out of my car and never quite made it to the house a while ago, and just was sitting in a corner. This is the same diaper bag we used when Tyler was just weeks old, and we were making our first ventures to the mall or just for a drive. If the kids were with me, it was with me. The horror of being somewhere and not having a diaper if needed, was not fun, so I became a boy scout with that thing. It had EVERYTHING in it. It's silly, but it became a part of our lives. We tried bigger diaper bags, smaller ways to carry stuff, but this one just worked. It was enough for all we needed.

I picked it up and dug around inside. It had sunscreen from last summer, some pull-ups that were too small on Connor now, hand sanitizer, some underwear and shorts for Connor (in case of an emergency) and some free samples of baby soap and lotion that I received when Tyler was like a week old, and never needed to use. It even still had a little zipper pull that I picked up on my first business trip that I ever took after Tyler was born. It says "Virginia" and also has his name on it. Tyler was 13 months old when I got that.

I carefully removed everything from the bag, and set the stuff on the dryer. I wasn't sure what to do with it. I then looked at the bag.

I walked out to the garage, held it up and looked at Kyle. His eyes got big and he looked at me.

"Are you throwing that away?", he said.... sort of hesitating.

"I don't know," I said, "what do you think?"

We both were quiet, and I'm sure we were thinking the same thing. Could that be the end of the diaper bag??? Do we seriously have kids that are so grown up, that we don't need to worry about diapers or pull-ups or extra clothes or extra pacifiers or having the right bath soap or an extra bottle or extra onesies or even extra nursing pads "just in case". My head swam with all of the things that we have had to jam in there over the last almost 6 years.

I turned, and threw it in the garbage can. Although we did a little cheer, as I thought about it, it made me a little sad for those times too. Sometimes it's the silly little things that are so symbolic for me of certain times in the boys lives. They are now so grown up they dress themselves, tell me what they want to eat, and Tyler named for me the other night the planets, in the order that they appear in space.

So, we closed a chapter in our lives. And although the ended with the throwing away of a diaper bag, that bag was a part of so many stories...

The Simple Life

2010-08-28T21:02:00.002-05:00

Tonight it is a simple night at our house. Finally... We have had weekends of friends and boating and work and school and parties and stuff, so it is nice to finally just, relax. Yeah, all of those things are fun, but I really, REALLY, just enjoy a night at home watching movies. Even if the movies are Starsky & Hutch followed by Step Brothers. I love this.

Connor crashed over an hour ago. He didn't get a nap today, and for his poor, tired, 3-year-old body, that is just too much. He needs to nap to stay healthy, to grow and to be happy. He was anything but happy tonight, but we finally calmed him down with a bath and daddy's lap. He was out within minutes.

Tyler is laying next to me on the couch, and although I know he doesn't realize it, his foot is touching mine, and I love it, too He's all cuddled up in a blanket, and every once in a while he snuggles in a little bit more to the blanket he is in, and his foot always comes back to mine. I adore this.

I snuck on the computer to read some blogs tonight, and of course had to check out my favorite of all, Enjoying the Small Things. She is the most inspiring, joyful, happy person I have ever met through a blog before - EVER. Just reading her posts make me happy and more appreciative of life. She doesn't complain, doesn't whine, but captures the joy in just the everyday things. Maybe like we all should. Today on her blog I found the quote below, and could not pass it up. It's so true. This quote made me think about why we are here, what we are doing and what it all means. Although deep, it's so fitting. It always makes me think.

What are you here for?

"Strange is our situation here upon earth. Each of us comes for a short visit, not knowing why, yet sometimes seeming to a divine purpose. From the standpoint of daily life, however, there is one thing we do know: That we are here for the sake of others...for the countless unknown souls with whose fate we are connected by a bond of sympathy. Many times a day, I realize how much my outer and inner life is built upon the labors of people, both living and dead, and how earnestly I must exert myself in order to give in return as much as I have received.” Albert Einstein

Symbolism

2010-08-21T08:35:00.001-05:00

I took this picture on Tyler's first day of school. After I took it, I just started at it, and started thinking back to school myself.

I remember learning so much about symbolism in art and music. What is happening, and what could be happening? What could the artist be saying, and what is the artist trying to convey?

Although this wasn't Tyler's bus (since he's in the before and after school program, he takes the bus from daycare still), but I still loved how this turned out. I love how the older high school girl is standing there, patiently waiting for the doors to open, and how Tyler is positioned pretty far back, yet not as far back as Connor.

I'll let you put the rest of the stories together, but I liked it a lot. The first day of school went off without a hitch. When I talked to Tyler that night, he told me about how he a hamburger for lunch and EVEN got KETCHUP TOO!

Well, Tyler, if those are your expectations of kindergarten so far, and they've been exceeded, then I think this year is going to be incredible!

And here we go.....

2010-08-18T21:22:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow is the first day of kindergarten for Tyler. Seriously, kindergarten. Wasn't this the same boy I just brought home from the hospital, watched take his first steps, soothed when he was sick, and held so close to my heart because everything about him was me and Kyle? I remember bouncing with him in the middle of the night (for the first year, he HATED the rocking chair), and I remember when he had his tonsils out just after he turned two. I remember the day he started daycare, and I remember first time he told me "I love you, Mom". Even then, I thought he was such a big boy, but he was still so little.

And tomorrow, here we go. It's kindergarten, where he's such a big boy, yet so little. The youngest in the school. He will have to learn how to open his milk, get his lunch on a tray, and make sure he wipes his own butt. Although he has a great teacher, he's with the big kids now.

We had the "meet the teacher" last night and that was interesting. The school parking lot is made for about 30 cars, and there were, I'm pretty sure, over 200 there. We parked partially in the wet grass, and walked towards the hoards of people walked through the doors.

We finally found out who Tyler's teacher was, and went to her room. I was so excited myself to meet this woman that would make an impression on his life forever. I vividly remember my kindergarten teacher, and funny enough, I most remember about her how passionate she was about the pledge of allegiance. We had to say it every morning when the bell rang - at attention, with our hands on our hearts. I remember her bouffant hair, and big glasses, and her smile. I remember doing connect the dots, and I remember having peanuts and raisins for snack (I hated peanuts and raisins mixed together!). Regardless, I remember it all.

As we walked into the room, I could feel my emotions well up, just because of all the reasons above. Even though he didn't know it, this was going to be such a big step in his life. I fought so hard to keep the tears back, and was pretty successful, and was thankful I wear glasses where it is easy to hide my eyes.

The night was pretty uneventful for Tyler. I think he was most excited when we went and got ice-cream afterwards, because we, for the last year, told him that last night was the "ice cream social". We learned a couple of weeks ago that they stopped serving ice cream because it was too messy, so instead they had cookies and lemonade. He was okay with his sherbet from Isaac's Ice Cream Shop.

I am so excited to see how tomorrow goes for him. I have a friend tonight that told me how to expect him to grow so much this year. "His friends will become his life," she said, "and by first grade, you will be in second place. They grow so much, you will be amazed!" Although, she has had a couple of years to come to terms with that now. Me, not so much.

Although I think that is neat, we are still entering a whole new chapter in his life now. And a new chapter in ours. I'm going to hang on, because from what people say, the ride is just beginning.

Our new love

2010-08-10T21:01:00.000-05:00

Kyle and I bought our first boat from my dad. I happened to be talking to my dad the weekend before about wanting a boat, and told him to tell us when he was interested in selling his. He told me that he had actually talked to my mom about asking us if we were interested. It was just as if the time was perfect!

We didn't waste any time getting on the water. My parents said I have always been a water lover, and years ago my mom said I would be a boat owner someday. Little did she know then.....

It was so beautiful outside. I took pictures of everything to just soak in the moment and the beauty of just being outside on the water.

Tyler is our fish. Ironically, he has been called Fish since he was 2 days old. (Story: Kyle was outside doing yard work, and our neighbor, Vicki drove by with her then 7 year old, Chase. Vicki saw that Tyler had been born and asked Kyle how big he was. Kyle replied "7 pounds 2 ounces, 21 inches". Vicki said she drove off to the store, and about a block later, Chase turned to her and asked "Did Kyle catch a fish?". Since then, the nickname "Fish" was born!)

We found a beautiful cove we call "family cove". It's a LOT quieter than Party Cove, if you're not looking for loud music, and possibly people taking their clothes off. (I wish I was kidding. Saturday at Party Cove can be interesting...). So, we found a much quieter place to hang out where the kids can swim easier. The families that go there have kids, just want to relax, and have a good time.

I would say we were having a pretty good time in this picture. We have had a few beverages, and been just relaxing in the sun. Our favorite place to be.

I just love the water. I love being on it, in it, near it, and just enjoying the beauty of it. It's so relaxing, and so many times I just find myself smiling. This is something as a family that we do, that brings us all smiles.

What really hit me though, was a comment that someone made that I work with. In an instant message at work he said, "Have a great time picking up your boat tomorrow. You don't even know yet how many memories you will be creating for your kids!".

I'm sure he didn't even understand the impact of that statement at the time. I thought about it and thought about it. Some of the best memories I have of a child are boating with my parents and relatives, either on a local lake, or at our yearly vacation at Lake of the Ozarks. Either way, I now have the opportunity to create those same memories for my kids. And that really makes me smile.

True Love

2010-08-04T20:09:00.001-05:00

One evening. That is my computer on the left, and Kyle's computer on the right. We both got up to go do something, and I noticed the table, the chairs, and the computers. I thought it was cute.

Do we often get caught up in our jobs? Do we get caught up in the day? Do we forget about each other? Maybe less than we think. I often sit at my desk during the day and have random thoughts of home. I was looking at my cell phone today and didn't even realize it, but Kyle and I had shared at least 10 text messages back and forth. Today we talked about how Connor needs a "real" bed, because from head to toe, he practically touches the headboard and footboard of his toddler bed.

So maybe we're closer than we think. Sometimes it's the small things...

Texting Tyler

2010-07-21T12:53:00.000-05:00

Sitting here at work, in my office, and for some reason, I almost picked up my phone and texted Tyler. Yes, Tyler, my 5-year-old son (that doesn't have a phone).

Sometimes at work I just think about them, a lot. I wonder what they are doing.

I remember that today is Wednesday, which means it is "sprinkler day", so I hope that Tyler found his swimsuit and towel today at daycare. He has been known to lose them. They are good about holding the kids accountable for taking care of their things, so if they can't find their suit that day, they can't go swimming. I would say that is good motivation! But being a mom, I would drive down from Cedar Rapids and bring him another suit if that meant he got to go to the pool that day or play in the water, since that is his favorite thing to do. When it's happened before he just said "Yea, I couldn't find my suit today until after swimming, so I stayed here with some of the kids. It was okay. I played with Legos. I need to be more careful of what I do with my stuff. I found my suit in the clean laundry basket anyway because I didn't pick it up when they asked me to..." (Holy Crap! This is my kid??? Holding himself accountable?)

I had to run to Walgreens at lunch, and they had a sale on those silly bracelets that are in style with kids these days. Those bracelets that are all different shapes that they trade and stuff. (Reminds me of the rubber bracelets I had as a kid.) I picked him up 4 packages of them (as he loses them quickly).

It really made me stop, when I thought "I should text Tyler and tell him I picked up some of the bracelets he had been eyeing at the mall...", but quickly remember... I can't.

I wish there was a way I could send him messages in the day, just to tell him I love him and Connor. And I'll see them tonight... that they can help me cut the grass, and we'll play outside and enjoy the warm evening air.

Someday I will... I'm missing you boys right now.....

Pure Joy

2010-07-13T21:24:00.003-05:00

We have some of the most awesome friends that asked us to go boating with them this past Saturday. I haven't been out in a boat on the Coralville Reservoir in years. I grew up boating with my parents, and my mom and dad always used to tell me that I was born to be on a boat, and I now believe them. It was one of the most awesome days I have had in a looooong time. It was just purely beautiful...

Connor was all decked out and ready to go the minute we hit the water. He had such a blast, and I think he's going to be just like me with the water.

Connor sat on my lap for most of the trip (mostly so I could hold on to him), but you can tell by this smile that he's having a blast. I think you can tell by my smile that I am too. (Please pardon the Flock of Seagulls hairdo I have going on - the boat was going pretty fast when I took this!)

It was nice to see the old bridge again. The bridge that gets painted with friendly graffiti every time the water gets as high as it is now. The water on the lake is extremely high in this picture, but made it extra nice for us since they were limiting boats on the water. The early boaters got the lake to themselves.

The boys were so excited to tube. We even got Tyler in the tube with goofy Kyle and our neighbor, Dylan.

We stopped in a cove and just sat in the sun or floated around. Your choice. I sat in the boat and soaked in the sun with the most absolute joy I have had in a while. Although my lips are still sunburned, and my forehead and nose are peeling, I would do it again in a minute. (In this picture, I think Kyle and Connor were having a very deep conversation.)

The best part of the day was when I got to ski. I hadn't skied in twelve years. Yes, twelve. So, it took me three tries to finally get up on the skis, but when I was up, I remember being pulled along and just smiling from ear to ear, and trying to soak it all in as fast as possible. There is just such a freedom, to me, when you're being pulled along the water, that it just made me the happiest person in the world at that moment. It was incredible.

I got to hang out with my friend Sarah, who had her LAST chemo treatment today for breast cancer. Her tumor has shrunk with every chemo treatment, and will have surgery here soon, but they are confident that the chemo was successful. She had such a blast too. We drank beer, and talked, and just laughed.

I love being on the water, and about halfway through out day, I looked at Kyle, and he looked at me. We knew exactly what each other was thinking at that moment...

"I love this..." he said.

"I do too." I replied, "5 year plan?"

"Yep, 5 year plan." he replied, "buy a boat."

I couldn't wipe the smile off my face for the rest of the day. Nor, did I want to....

Heartbreak

2010-07-11T22:10:00.001-05:00

Tyler's excitement as he watched a gator at The Rainforest Cafe when we were in Chicago.

Today was the day.

It was the first day that Tyler decided he wanted to take his OWN money to the store and buy a toy. He usually gets cards for his birthday and holiday from his grandparents with money in it, and has been sticking it in his bank for a long time. He recently starting putting some of that money into to his wallet that Grandpa got him. He was "cool" doing this.

Connor took a nap (and I SO wanted to also, but since Kyle was already napping on the couch, I decided it would be a very bad idea to have both of us napping with a 5 year old running around - so I forced myself out of the chair). I went and found Tyler, and asked him if he wanted to go to the store. "YES!" He immediately answered, "but only if I can bring my wallet because I want a toy!", he replied.

"Awesome", I thought to myself, "he finally wants to start taking this into his own hands." So, we head off to the store with myself, Tyler and his wallet containing $28. I stopped at Starbucks and got a triple shot of espresso (seriously, I was that tired), and I was good to go.

We arrived at Wal-Mart, and we double counted his money just to make sure. We took out one $2 bill and I explained to him why we couldn't possibly spend that, but the rest was good to go. $26 was good to spend on anything he could afford in the store.

We got into the store, and made a beeline to the toy department, where he immediately found the Nerf gun section. To me, what a total waste of money, but to a 5 year old boy, that must be the Holy Grail, because there was no other aisle he was even closely interested in except Legos, which cost $50 for any set he wanted.

He picked out his gun that he drooled over for a couple of minutes, and it was $19.96. He was so proud. He smiled from ear to ear, and picked it up, and his whole face just beamed with happiness. I don't know if I have seen him that happy in a long time...

"This will be MY gun, Mommy, that I bought with my OWN money...." he said very proudly.

"Yes it will, Tyler, yes it will..." I replied, with tears in my eyes. Seriously. (I don't know why - maybe because I realized how fast he is growing up.)

We had to meander through the store back to the infants department to get Connor some pull-ups for nighttime, and then walked to the registers. The whole time, he just talked and talked about random things, and it was so nice. We had so much fun. It just makes me smile to think about it.

As we walked to the register, I found one that was open, and as we walked toward it, I asked him if he was ready to pay for his gun, and then looked at his hands. All he had was his gun. His wallet was gone.

"Tyler, where's your wallet?" I asked him. He looked at me with the most panicked look on his face.

"I don't know, Mommy, I don't know, where is it, where is it???" he started to say... having an absolute panic attack.

"We'll walk back through the store at anyplace where you may have set it down, and see if we can find it... it's okay...it's okay..." I told him. I had to keep telling him it would be okay. He was nervous, and the tears were starting to form.

We looked and looked, and we didn't find it. He was heartbroken. I was heartbroken. I told him I would pay for the toy and he could pay me back WHEN we find his wallet, and he just stood at the cash register and cried and cried. I have never seen a more heartbroken cry from Tyler, ever. He was so disappointed in himself, he didn't even know what to do.

We walked to the Customer Service counter, and gave them our name and number, and a description of it, and the whole way home, I had to explain why we might not see it again, but hopefully a nice honest person will find it and turn it in. Then I had to explain what honest meant, and that it could, but why it might not possibly turn up.

I kept telling Tyler that this was a good lesson learned, and everyone has lost a wallet, and I bet he'll (I'll) never do that again. I'll make sure we have it in hand at all times, just so I don't have to see that heartbreak again.

But, I'm checking my cell phone every 5 minutes to make sure I haven't received a call from the store saying they have Tyler's wallet, and heart, for us to pick up.

The Explosive Child (My very long post)

2010-07-09T23:03:00.001-05:00

All I can say, is it's been difficult lately. Tyler has had a tremendously difficult summer. I'm not sure if he's growing into himself, getting extremely tired, just frustrated at life, or if it's a combination of everything. In the picture below, I am sitting with Tyler on a Saturday morning. I think Connor took this picture (as he randomly will pick up the camera and start taking pictures of things - and yes - I'm still in my pretty pajamas. Yes, sporting my classy beer shirt.) It wasn't until I saw this picture, until I realized what I really needed to do.

Could you imagine a more unhappy 5 year old? And if I remember correctly, there really wasn't anything that spurred this. This is a normal emotional reaction for Tyler.

Today I had some time, so I sat on our deck and read the book "The Explosive Child". I had a good friend I met on the internet recommend this to me a while ago, and when I got it, I read the first page that was the story of a 15 year old child, and thought, "This book certainly isn't for me...", and put it away. I'm not sure what spurred me to pick it up today, but I think it might've been out of pure desperation, hope, and maybe prayer that guided me to this book that is going to be a total savior.

I always knew Tyler was a "different" child. And by different, I cannot describe it to anyone. My friends don't understand, my family doesn't understand, and sometimes, even Kyle doesn't understand. He was different from the day he was born. From the day we had to blow up that stupid "bouncy ball" in the living room (the exercise ball that to my dying day, I will hate) just in order to soothe him. He did not like to be rocked, and did not like to be left alone. He wanted to be bounced, constantly, and it. was. exhausting. And that is putting it lightly.

Okay, okay... everyone reading this will say, "Yea, yea, babies are babies, and he couldn't have been that bad...", but seriously, to this day, I have never had a sitter for more than an hour that wasn't family. Wasn't someone that I could bare my soul to, and tell them just how it was going to be, and would still love me when it was all over.

This summer, Tyler had T-ball. What an awesome opportunity to meet some new friends, play a sport he liked, and hang out with daddy, who was going to be one of the coaches. But it didn't turn out that way.

Daddy pitching to Tyler, the last time Tyler hit for the season, right before a massive meltdown.

It was horrible. Just, plain, horrible. I dreaded the nights as they came, because we knew what we were in for. Tyler would decide about 2 minutes into the game not to play, and would just sit on the bench, as the rest of his team was on the field, and then would throw the most MASSIVE fit in the world when we wouldn't let him hit the time it was his turn, because he wouldn't play the outfield when it was his turn. It was embarrassing, it was exhausting, and it was just plain horrible (I've run out of words to describe it).

Tyler getting "gloved up" before he hit.

We threatened to take him home, to shave off his mohawk when he had it, and take toys away. Nothing worked. When Tyler decided he didn't want to do anything, he wasn't going to do it.

So it was a combination of all of this, that made me pick up this book today, and I actually cried while reading it. Chapter 2 is titled "Children Do Well If They Can". Reading the following part brought the tears to my eyes:

"Some children are inflexible and easily frustrated from the moment they pop into the world. For example, infants with difficult temperaments may be colicky, have irregular sleep patterns, have difficulties with feeding, may be difficult to comfort or soothe, may overreact to noises, lights, and discomfort (hunger, cold, a wet diaper, etc.), and respond poorly to changes. Other children may not begin to have difficulty with flexibility and frustration tolerance until later, when demands increase for skills such as language, organization, impulse control, regulation of emotions, and social skills.

Here's the important point: The children about whom this book is written do not choose to be explosive - any more than a child would choose to have a reading disability - but they are delayed in the process of developing the skills essential for flexibility and frustration tolerance. It follows that conventional explanations as to why children explode or refuse to do as they are told - "He's doing it for attention", "He just wants his own way", "He's manipulating us", "He could do better if he really wanted to", "He does just fine when he chooses to" - miss the mark. There's a big difference between viewing explosive behavior as the result of the failure to progress developmentally and viewing it as learned, planned, intentional, goal-oriented, and purposeful. That's because your interpretation of a child's explosive behavior will be closely linked to how you try to change this behavior. In other words, your explanation guides your intervention."

Wow, I kept thinking to myself. This is Tyler. You can see in his eyes how he just doesn't understand what is happening at times, why he is the way he is, and how embarrassed he is after an "episode". I even made a list of their "suggested triggers" for one of his meltdowns, and on their suggested list of "possible" triggers, I did not need to go far beyond it. Getting ready for school, taking a different route home from school, stopping at the store - unexpectedly, or sometimes just a tag in a shirt, is enough to send him totally over the edge, into a complete meltdown. I've been late for work before because he had a meltdown over the socks he was wearing. Socks. Seriously.

I'm really excited to put into practice some of the suggestions the book made, and even used one, very proudly tonight. We were at a friends house across town, and Tyler wanted me to just go home and get his scooter because there were other boys in the neighborhood on scooters. I got down to his level, and talked to him. Instead of simply barking a "NO" at him and yelling "I am NOT going home Tyler, that is NOT an option", we talked through it. Why it really wouldn't be a good idea to drive all the way across down for a scooter, and since that wasn't an option, is there anything else we could do that would help make him not so mad. (And seriously, I used that simple of language).

Guess what - no meltdown. No tears. And I kept my cool - something that normally wouldn't happening in that situation. The books say you will feel like you are "giving in" to them, and in a way, I did, because he didn't get mad, but that's the point. I am finding a way to communicate with Tyler in a way he understands. I'm teaching Kyle what I learned too, and it's amazing. I'm excited to see where this takes us, and where we can take Tyler now.

Maybe it's the hidden psychologist in me that is just dying to come out. I've listened to CDs about brain development, and read books about "What's Going on in There", which explains the brain development of children, and all children are different. I knew Tyler was a different, but not different, special, child, from about the time he was 2 weeks old. I knew most kids weren't like him, and I knew it would take me, changing myself, to help get us (both him and I) to where he needs to be.

Kyle and I talked to what do we do next summer, with T-ball. Do we register him and not have him play a full game again, or just save our $20 and forget it? I think we'll make it now.

And as one of my favorite bloggers, Kelle Hampton says, "Look for good, and you will find it..."

I love this look!

2010-06-28T21:49:00.001-05:00

This was the look Connor sported before our bike ride tonight. He went and found the sunglasses himself. He says he doesn't like the way the sun gets in his eyes when he's trying to peddle!

I think he's going to do just fine in life....he just wants to make you smile...

The meeting at the gas station

2010-06-24T22:34:00.000-05:00

I'm pretty sure I had seen it before, but tonight, I saw the part of it I don't think I ever wanted to see. I was on my way to pick up the boys from daycare, and passed the corner convenience store.

There they were, two cars. One car with a lady and a girl. The girl being about 7 years old or so, that seemed very excited. The car next to theirs was a car with a man in it, who was getting out of his car, excitedly as well.

He opened up the back door of the car that was next to him, and the girl almost lept into his arms, while her mom dug for some imaginary thing she had dropped on the floor of the car, never looking at the man that was embracing her daughter like he hadn't seen her in years.

It was so precious, yet so disturbing, all in the same moment. I was stopped at a stop light, so I witnessed the whole thing. The mother digging around on her floor, the father so excited to see his, what I would guess to be, daughter, and the little girl just about ready to turn inside out she was so excited for what was about to happen.

The whole thing just made me kind of sad. Actually, really sad. How does your life get deteriorated to the point where you are meeting at corner convenience stores to "exchange" children? I'm only assuming that is what happened, but I've witnessed that a couple times in the town that I live. And unfortunately, for the parents, it is never a happy moment. What happens to get you to the point?

For whatever reason, I just had to blog about this. Maybe because it just touched me, affected me, bothered me, and everything else in between.

I drove the next 15 seconds to daycare, and when I picked up my boys, gave them an extra hard hug that day, which they gladly received. I just love picking them up. The glow on their faces when they see me is just priceless, like they hadn't seen me in forever, and are just so excited that I showed up. I just love those moments. And they aren't happening in a gas station parking lot. They are happening in their "second home". Their daycare, with their friends, their security, and familarness.

I'm going to try to get over this now, but it is still weighing on my mind. What will this girl remember in 20 years??? Will she remember a gas station, or the thrill of her father or mother picking her up? Will she remember what got her to that point, or will she remember the love they have for her when they are alone?

My years of psychology classes have trained me to think this way, which I love, but sometimes leaves me thinking about things that have no answer - at least now.........

Happy Father's Day, Kyle...

2010-06-20T20:59:00.001-05:00

It's been nearly ten years that we've been married, and nearly 20 that we've known each other, and I don't think there has been a time that I have love you more, until now. We've had our challenges (and we'll leave it at that), but know each other so well now, that we've seemed to have reached a perfect place. As every relationship, we have learned, is not about challenges, but about loving the other person for everything. For their perfect-ness and less-than-desireable parts. It took us a while to figure that out, but after especially the last couple of months, we've come to a new place of love. Thank you for being an awesome father for your boys too...

You do such a perfect job teaching them how to appreciate nature. Although Connor was scared to death of these fish that were as big as him, you coaxed him up to the tank, and had him laughing and giggling in no time.

The boys would follow you anywhere, as long as you lead. This has more meanings than I could even type.

You do such a good job at taking them places that they would otherwise not go on their own. Connor would go beyond the 2 foot deep water, until you coaxed him into the deep end, and had him actually having fun.

You are such a kid at heart too. I have always noticed how kids are drawn to you. At first I thought it was just your freckles, because they made you look different. Kids always smiled at you. I think though, it's just your young heart. This sense of a kid that you carry with you everywhere.

I appreciated how you teach the boys to stop sometimes, and just enjoy what they are doing. For living in a home with three boys that go 100 miles per hour most times, you seem to have taught them to enjoy what they need to enjoy. Just stop and look.

And the goofball in you is always there....

Always having fun...

And still doing your part to save us money. Even if it means Tyler gets the mohawk that he has been asking for for months. This still makes me cringe, but that fact that you are okay with it, makes me smile. Happy Father's Day, Kyle!!!

The first lost tooth

2010-06-05T21:59:00.002-05:00

It all started earlier this week. Tyler said his tooth was loose, which is what he had been telling us for months. Apparently, most of his friends at daycare had started loosing teeth, and Tyler, not to be one left behind, starting to make fictitious loose teeth in his mouth.

This past week he started talking about his "loose tooth" more and more, and I finally checked. Sure enough, his bottom front tooth (the first tooth that came in as a baby) had become loose.

By today, it was so loose, it was gross. I can do poop, and I can do puke, and just about anything else that can happen to a child, but I can't do loose teeth. Oh. my. goodness. It gives me the heebey-jeevies like no other. Yuck.

All day long, Tyler played with this tooth. A couple times he asked me to pull it out for him, which in my attempt to even touch anywhere close to his lip, had him laying in a lump on the floor totally terrified that he would experience the most pain ever. So, I left it alone (which was TOTALLY okay with me!). Knowing Tyler, this was NOT going to come with an excessive amount of drama. He is our Drama King.

Tonight while sitting outside, he must've finally had enough of it wiggling around in his mouth. (It was so loose, it makes me cringe to think about it right now. It was wobbly and wiggly and just plain , yucky!). He finally pulled it out. It was a totally, non-climatic event. And now he lays in his bed, asleep, with his tooth in a sandwich bag in hopes that the tooth fairy will bring him $150. Seriously, that is what he told me right before he went to sleep. I told him not to be too disappointed, because if she started giving out $150 per tooth, I might start knocking my own teeth out.

But my little baby Tyler is growing up. Soon his adult teeth will be coming through, and while sitting with the neighbors tonight, I got a glimpse into the teenage drama we will have yet to endure as well. Some days time seems to move at a snails pace, and sometimes, it moves way too fast, and I can envision cars and girlfriends and college.

Although I love the fact that every day they are a little bit more independent, a little bit bigger, and litter bit closer to that goal of adulthood that they both seem to posses, it still makes me a little sad.

Such a little tooth, but such a big milestone.

Love them more

2010-06-02T22:15:00.001-05:00

Sometimes our evenings are a bit more difficult than others. Tonight was one of those...

Connor had a bad night from nearly the minute he stepped out of the car. He didn't talk, he just whined. And if he wasn't whining, he was crying, and if he wasn't crying, it was an all out tantrum. It was difficult. It was one of those nights where I could've just totally lost it, but somehow managed to keep it together.

On nights like tonight, I find myself even more intrigued when I got to check on them in bed. After a night of nearly wanting to give them away to the next passing car, I find that my love for them grows. It's so hard to be a little boy, and follow rules and directions, and just do what you don't want to do, when you don't want to ever ever do it.

As I checked on them in their beds tonight, I paused a little bit longer over them. Tyler is usually buried in his pillow so deep that you have to actually find him in his bed. I adjusted his blankets so he would be comfortable, then kissed his head. He gets so warm in his covers, and I always stop to think if I should leave the ceiling fan on or not.

When I checked on Connor, he was totally passed out on his back, as he usually is. I just stopped and studied him as he slept, watching his chest rise and fall, and watch how he had his "rag" (an old burp rag that he seriously uses as a blanket) tucked into his neck (which is how he usually falls asleep), with his puppy laying next to him, having been apparently tucked in by Connor himself. I studied his tan face and hair that keeps getting blonder every day. He looks like a little beach boy now. How could that cute little face have given me such fits just hours before?

I find on nights like tonight, I just love them even more. And then when I look through pictures like these, they make me laugh. These boys are just awesome, and make me smile every day.

Connor sitting next to the pool.

Don't let him fool you, he is not innocent at all...

Here is the entire "gang" in the pool. Chase is the neighbor boy who is 13, but really a little boy at heart, still. He loves to come over and play with the boys, and especially their toys!

Tyler's stunt of jumping into the pool from a running start. I think he did this nearly 100 times!

Connor, of course, has to copy Tyler. He did a running leap too, and loved it!

But my favorite picture from the weekend is this one. Tyler had dug a hole that is about a foot deep, and put his cones (that are usually used for soccer or as bases for a baseball game) to put around the hole so no one would fall in. I laughed so hard when I saw this, and didn't see him do it. I guess Tyler even thinks "Safety First" sometimes. What a hoot!

The beautiful smell of summer...

2010-05-30T07:43:00.000-05:00

The other night we got home a bit later than normal. It was that most perfect time of night where the sky was beautiful, the air was beautiful, and just everything about the evening was absolutely perfect. I got out of the car, and just smiled. And kept smiling as memories raced through my head as to just WHY I love those nights...

It was one of those evenings where the air is the perfect temperature, the sky is so gorgeous you just want to take pictures of it to keep it forever. I remember bike rides as a kid, playing on swingsets, and running around and screaming, just because we could.

The grass becomes the perfect grass that you just want to walk through because it is the perfect texture and just feels good. As a kid, I remember just laying in it because it was also just right.

I remember sparklers and fireworks. I remember baseball games and parks. I remember boat rides. I guess I just remember happy. And those perfect evenings just bring everything back.

Most of all, I remember the smell. The smell of dusk. The perfect air temperature where you wish the evening would never end so you could enjoy it forever.

So, I did take pictures of it so I could enjoy it forever. Now, if I could just figure out a way to bottle up that smell, I'm pretty sure I could sell it and make a million.

The big accomplishment

2010-05-21T22:14:00.001-05:00

The Frog Hollow Class of 2010!

Tyler graduated from Preschool on Wednesday. Yes, preschool. I barely held it together the whole ceremony (with just a slight tear during the Pledge of Allegiance) and thought I would be able to get through it without totally bursting into tears, and then Tyler's teacher read a poem called, "When I was a Preschooler". She started bawling and so did I. Luckily my friend in front of my handed me a kleenex so I could stop non-chalantly using my hand to wipe my nose.

It was so darling though, and I think the best part, the kids were all so darn proud. I'm sure they don't quite get the jist of it, but Tyler thinks he's an official "big kid", now, with the diploma and all. I was impressed with the caps and gowns, but for the mint we are paying that place, I'm surprised they didn't also contribute to their college fund.

I took 77 pictures in all that night. 77. And people call me Wang (from Caddyshack - you know who you are!).

Tyler wants to know when he can graduate again. I took him probably kindergarten we'll celebrate, and then he'll have a long road to high school. Then he asked about graduating from college, to which I jumped all over (keep those higher education thoughts coming!), and told him yes - and he'll even get to wear Hawkeye colors that day in his cap and gown! (Okay - so I can hope!) He can't wait!

Tyler leading in the group! Walking with his teacher, Miss Alishia

He was so excited to get his diploma! That was the hardest handshake I had ever seen!

Tyler with Miss Alishia - he just LOVES her!

The group after receiving their diplomas!

Just a need

2010-05-18T23:01:00.000-05:00

I was hoping to already have pictures of Connor's 3rd birthday posted, but since I'm not on my home computer which contains those pictures, but my work computer, you'll just have to put up with my rambling. I really just need to capture some things on my blog before I lose them.

"Things I have noticed lately" - by Jenny Stanfield

How much I love summer. Tonight we went to Tyler's T-ball game, and then played at the park. After that, we came home, and grilled chicken and baked potatoes and just sat outside. We came in and all took baths and showers, and it's still 71 degrees in the house. THAT is why I love summer. For all of those reasons. Because we don't sit in front of the mindless TV talking about silly things that TV thinks are important - but are enjoying the moments that really are.
Every week I am less and less interested in work. I used to be Mrs. Career Woman - and no one was going to stand in my way, justwatchmeI'llbesomeonesomeday lady. Not anymore. I'm not sure what has changed in me, but it seemed gradual. It's not like I woke up one day and it was there, but I seem to be making different choices, a little bit easier now. I go to work later, and leave a little earlier. Not because I don't like it - but because I know something so much more important is waiting for me at home. Okay, so somedays the job does consume me, but those are fewer and fewer between now. I will not answer my cell phone at night if someone calls, and will not work on the weekends. It's strange, and I don't know what caused it, but I'm kind of liking it.
I am just totally totally totally fascinated with my boys. I especially love bedtime, when they have calmed down and just want to be with me. I've realized that sometimes this is just a stalling technique, but it is still so fun to actually talk to them. People always told me "just wait until they can talk to you", and they weren't kidding. It's amazing to have your (now) 3 year old say, "I love you Mommy, see you in the morning!", and even more amazing when your 5 year old tells you stories about their day and what they do when you can't be with them. I absolutely love it, and am brought to tears every night. I have learned to hide them well, but get big tears in my eyes every time I put those stinkers to bed. It's just so fun.
Last but not least, Tyler will be graduating from Preschool tomorrow. (Insert me bawling here...) I have actually not been looking forward to this because I really don't know how I'm going to hold it together. I'm an emotional blabber-mess anymore anyway (seriously, not sure what changed, but my hormones are not on my side), and will cry at anything. (I have had to stop listening to the "LOVE" station on XM Radio on my way into work - just that bad.) And tomorrow, to see my baby graduate from preschool. They have gowns and everything. I have heard a preview of the songs they are going to sing, and Tyler said they have been practicing every day. I just can't believe that we are already here??? Isn't this the same boy that I just dropped off for his first day of daycare, like, yesterday? And the little boy that I took to his 1 year, and 2 year and 3 year and etc. etc. appointments. It's amazaing how fast it goes, especially when you're going through all the motions. Every day is just another day, until it hits you just what is going on.

So just what is going on? My boys are growing up. I love it, and hate it. I want to soak in every minute of where they are now, but also can't wait to see what's next. I want them to stay just who they are and what they are, but also cannot wait to see where their independent hearts take them in life.

Since I can't freeze time where it is, I think the "what's next" will win, and I'll have to go with that. I guess that means I will get to see where they go and what they do. For some reason, it just feels like everything is coming together sometimes. Especially now.

"Tyler said the F-word"

2010-05-15T07:38:00.000-05:00

Well, actually, he didn't.

Connor doesn't actually know what the f-word is, which I guess I should be thankful for. Every time Tyler says "stupid", Connor tells us, "Tyler said the F-word".

Both boys have figured out that by calling us "stupid", that they press about every button we have. Boy, that ticks me off. So that usually means someone ends up in time-out, and then crying, and me yelling, and then me getting called "stupid" again. Sometimes we have a blast at this cycle for an hour. Oh, joy.

This morning we seem to be teetering on "nice day" and "total meltdown" (I've only been told "Tyler said the F-word" once). I think we'd better get moving before total meltdown happens!

I found our stroller in storage yesterday

2010-05-10T21:01:00.002-05:00

I was digging through the garage yesterday looking for some pots for the entirely too many plants I bought, and came across our stroller. Our Jeep stroller that we purchased back in 2005 for Tyler. It was quite the stroller back then, one of the first models that had 3 wheels. It was cool.

"How did it end up hidden in the corner of the storage area in the garage?", I thought to myself. "When did we put it there?"

I assume that during Kyle's cleaning escapade of the garage last fall (I do not recommend being present for one of those - it ain't pretty), that it ended up there. I actually don't remember the last time we used it, and I think that is what shocked me the most. Isn't using a stroller something you realize, and are conscious of? How did I miss that one?

Then I started to think of all the other things I have forgotten about with the kids. I forgot what our living room would look like on a Saturday morning, with the exersaucer and bouncy seat, and toys everywhere. I had forgotten about the burp rags thrown all over, and the multitudes of bottles in the dishwasher. While that is going on, you don't realize how much of your life it really is. Now that it isn't there, I can't say I really "miss" it (the mess that is), but it just means the boys are growing up so fast.

Connor will be three tomorrow! (Already!) And he has just grown up to be such a big boy. Although he's still my baby, that kid can pack a punch - or I should say "pinch", as that is what he does when he's mad. And Holy Cow - it hurts. That same sweetheart sang himself to sleep last night. Kyle and I could recognize "We Will Rock You", "Imma Be" and "Bad Boys" (yes, the Cops theme). We just giggled and giggled to ourselves as we listened to him. Hey - if that's what helps him get to sleep, so be it.

Tonight Tyler didn't quite want to go to bed. The same boy that I used to rock with (before there were two) for hours. The same boy that I used to fall asleep in the rocking chair with almost nightly when I was pregnant with Connor and ready for bed at 8pm myself. I watched that boy put himself to sleep tonight.

Tyler had been in his room tossing and turning, coming out of his room, laying sideways, taking off his clothes, etc. I went in there for one last time, and told him what I usually tell him, "Okay, Tyler, goodnight. You have to stay in bed now, or I'm going to turn out your light and shut the door." (He likes to go to bed with the light on and door open.) That usually does the trick, so I usually save it for last.

I then went into the bathroom and just watched. His eyes had been getting heavy, and sometimes I just watch him because he's amazing. Of course he is, he's my oldest son.

I peeked around the corner, and watched him look around the room. His blinks getting slower and slower, until they almost looked like they were in slow motion. I watched him hold his little stuffed leopard in his hand, his eyes slowing wandering around the room. I wondered what he was thinking, but with Tyler, you never know. It could be about what he ate at school today, or a ninja fight. Take your pick.

Both boys have grown up so fast, some days I feel as if I just can't drink them in fast enough. I watch them and just stare, and people probably think I'm crazy. I'm just so in love with those stinkers. They have created a whole new world for me that I never thought was possible. A whole new set of priorities for my stubborn self, and a whole new life for two people who said no one would ever rock their world.

And to think, with Connor's singing, he did just that last night. :-)

There's no place like home

2010-04-29T11:46:00.002-05:00

I am currently sitting in a hotel room in Munich, Germany. What an opportunity I had this week to spend the week in Ulm, visiting with other Procurement Professionals from various companies all over Europe. It was absolutely incredible!

I did take note of some interesting things though that seemed at first like small things, but grew to be bigger issues as the week went on...

A taxi from Munich to Ulm costs 200 Euro, when the train breaks down. Yes, I had purchased my train tickets to get from the Munich Airport to Ulm, and was sitting on the train just waiting to see where it would take me. This was after I spent nearly a half hour looking at the freaking map to see if I could tell where I was going. As we were sitting there, some guy got on the train and started yelling at everyone in German, so everyone started getting off the train. Being the stupid American, I followed. He ended up telling everyone that the train had broken down, and there was no estimated completion time. We were to go upstairs and get our money back. (He was just about that friendly about it too.) I went upstairs, noticed the 200 people in line waiting for a refund, said "forget that", and found the taxi stand. Met a wonderful cab driver that was originally from Hungary, who nearly cried and hugged me when I tipped her generously for driving all the way to Ulm for me. The group I was with made fun of me all week because of this cab ride. "Stupid American".

If I see another bottle of mineral water, I will throw up. I drink lots of water - and by lots, I mean LOTS. Literally, probably more than a two gallons a day. We did not have water this week except in my hotel room from the faucet. There is no bottled water in the conference room, or offered at dinner, lunch or breakfast. I drank a lot of apple juice, and started getting used to the mineral water - but I did notice that no one drank a lot. You see us in meetings at work and people are sitting there with their big coffee cups, Mountain Dew, etc. Nope. Nothing like that at all. I was so thirsty when I finally got to the hotel tonight, I drank about 6 glasses of water.

It frustrated me beyond belief that I could not speak German. I found it so rude that when I was addressed in German, I would have to respond in English. Everyone I met spoke good English, so it was okay, but I almost felt ashamed. I was with a group of 35 people, all nearly my age, and all fluent in at least 2, if not 3 language. Sure, I can speak broken Spanish if I have to - but that didn't work in Germany. I did enjoy hearing all of the accents, and find myself using such simple English when I speak now so I can be understood.

Along with the German language issue, I found it frustrating that when I approached a door, I couldn't tell if it opened out or in. The door tells you, but you have to understand what it's saying. THAT was frustrating. Imagine me at a door, trying to nonchalantly trying to figure out whether to push or pull.

There are 863 different ways to flush toilets here. Seriously, every one is different. I laughed at myself once as I found myself staring at the toilet/wall/floor, etc., trying to figure out how to flush it.

Germany is so exceptionally clean, it is unbelievable. We went on a tour today of a large facility in Ulm, and I could not even find a trash can to spit out my gum. All the cans are labeled for their type of recycling, so I didn't want to put it in the wrong can. Spearmint Gum after 3 hours is kind of disgusting.

Everyone I have met is in such good shape. I have not found one obese person, and on the other hand, I would call them quite lean. I noticed that no one really snacked. It seems in the US our events revolve around food. In Germany, their events revolve around the company. You spend lots and lots of time talking and socializing, and eat very slow. The first night I got my salad and main dish from the buffet at the same time. Everyone looked at me like I had lobsters coming out of my ears.

I was surprised at how little of sleep I can actually survive on. I'm sure it will catch up with me this weekend, but I think I have had no more than 15 hours of sleep since Sunday. Had a whole 1 hour on the way over, and was up pretty late every night (dinner would go until 10pm or later every night). Last night I went to bed at 4am.

It is not a good idea to drink lots and lots and lots of beer with your new found friends, and then ask them to teach you German. You will not remember any of it. Everyone was having such a good time with the German Phrase Book I bought before my trip. Seriously, it is a book the size of a cell phone that contains "critical phrases". Those critical phrases include:

"Bieten Sie Enthaarungen an?" (Do you wax?)

"Du riechst so gut." (You smell so good)

"Gen nicht. Ich mach dir Fruhstuck." (Stay. I'll make you breakfast)

"Ich mochte eine herausfordernde Tour unternehmen, aber keine Sauerstoffflaschen mitnehmen." (I'd like a challenging climb but I don't want to take oxygen)

Seriously, the Europeans I was with with literally doubled over with laughter, so apparently the $7.99 I paid at Barnes & Noble was a hit. On a more serious note, why on EARTH would these be considered critical phrases??? If you have got to the point where you are using these phrases, will you seriously be using your Phrase Book? And maybe you require a some therapy.

I can't wait to get home to see my boys. I talked to them almost every morning before they went to daycare after I finished lunch. I asked the question, "When are you coming home" nearly 100 times, but that's just fine. As far as I'm concerned, I can't be home soon enough either!

Random Heartache

2010-04-20T21:59:00.002-05:00

Today I had to run an errand during lunch. I typically don't leave the building for lunch, my less go anywhere in my car, so today was pretty unique.

As I was driving down the road, some song came on the radio. I don't even remember what song it was, but for whatever reason, at that instant, I missed my kids horribly. It was almost as if a rush of "Protective Mother" came washing over me, and I felt like I instantly needed to go get my kids and just be with them. It was as if my heart instantly became heavy. I didn't even know what I would do when I got there... I just knew I needed to "be"there.

For that moment, almost 1000 thoughts went through my head...

"Why am I doing this? Why do I work? Why am I not home with my children? They are MY children. Right now, what are they doing???..."

I looked at the clock, it was 11:40. "They are probably eating lunch," I said to myself, but knew it would soon be naptime for them, where Connor naps for the solid 90 minutes, and Tyler usually just rests, as he's growing out of the napping phase. (Luckily, the daily sheets that come home with them give me a slight clue of what happens throughout the day.)

That minute seemed to last for an hour. I even went to the "Why do I have someone else watching my kids? What if I just quit my job and stayed home with them?" place with that thought. The guilt just building up with every second of the thought I was having.

I arrived at my destination, and was again, distracted by the moment of the urgent that I needed to do. That is usually how I spend most of my day at work, which is why that thought today was so new. I had those moments when the boys were babies, but not recently. Not the longing of absolutely needing to be there. The moment then passed.

Maybe I'll always have these thoughts. I see parents walking with their children when I'm down on the University of Iowa campus, and I see the looks those parents have in their eyes. Those parents visiting their son or daughter for the day or weekend. So much pride for their children, so much hope, and so much love. All in just a look in their eye. So maybe that is what I'm longing for when I have those thoughts. Just to see my children so I can feel the most pure sense of pride, the feeling of hope and absolute love for my boys. Maybe that feeling isn't so bad after all...

(Just as I typed that last line, "My Airplane" flew over. And that is why that silly airplane makes me so happy...)

Monday, already?

2010-04-19T15:30:00.002-05:00

What a fast weekend, as they all seem to be anymore. Not a dull moment, though, which I guess is good. As it seems to be a trend I'm starting, here are some highlights from the weekend:

It took Tyler 3 days of riding his bike without training wheels before he totally biffed in the street. Poor kid. I was in the house on Friday night, and all of a sudden heard screaming. Within seconds Kyle had him in the house, and sitting at the kitchen table. When I got a look at his face, I got the "supplies" and we started doctoring him up.

Apparently Tyler was moving pretty fast down the street, and hit a patch of sand. He skidded on the left side, because it looks like someone took a cheese grater to the whole left side of his body. His cheek, chin, shoulder, wrist and knee are all scraped up. He did not like this at all, of course, and especially didn't like it when he looked at himself in the mirror.

The rest of the night, we had a hard time distinguishing between Tyler being actually "hurt" and the drama that he can bring. Oh yes, my young 5 year old is such a Drama King. Holy. Lord. He can milk it - and sometimes he's really hurt, but after a couple hours of literally clinging to me, I figured he was just looking for sympathy, but I think the fall scared him more than anything. He did have a helmet on, thankfully, which did absolutely nothing for him the way he fell. The first impact point was his face.

Next interesting subject, Connor peed in the parking lot of King's Material in Coralville and also on the corner of Dubuque Street and Linder Drive. That kid had to pee constantly yesterday, so in what would usually be a quick trip around town, necessitated a couple of non-standard stops. I always panic when Connor says from the backseat "Mommy, need to go PEE!", because he's not kidding. I asked him to hold it once for about a minute, and he couldn't. He wet his entire seat which meant not only his clothes got changed, but the entire carseat needed to be ripped apart to be cleaned. One good thing, at least he's a boy. That makes it a bit easier. No wonder my boys prefer peeing outside to the bathroom.

At the end of this trip, I decided to take the boys to the Coralville Reservoir to see how high it was. (By the way, at a perfectly normal level now), so we went to the "outflow" of the dam. The dam is open nearly all the way, so the water coming out of it is CRAZY! I was hoping the boys would be able to feel a small mist or get a little splash.

Little did I know... I was bending over to help Tyler with his shoe, when a GUSHER of a splash came over the wall. Poor Tyler and Connor were soaked from head to toe, and my back was soaked! Both of them started crying, so I had to strip them, and put them in the car with only their wet underwear on. Thankfully I didn't get stopped on the way home. Connor was wearing my pink Columbia fleece and Tyler had on a sweater that I need to take to the cleaners (that I found in the back!). My new phone doesn't have a camera, but I think I will carry one from now on just for instances like that. Tyler in a woman's sweater, with buttons the size of quarters - buttoned crooked. It was hilarious!

I've decided Tyler has the most comfortable bed in the house. Sunday morning at about 4am Tyler walked into our room and said he had a bad dream. I always try to coax him back to his bed (he does NOT do good sharing a bed, and being 50 pounds being a tall 5 year old, there is just not enough room, even in our king bed.

I put Ty in bed with us (I was not going to have a 4am tantrum by fighting him back to his room), and attempted to go back to sleep. Within 20 seconds I was kicked in the back, and had my hair pulled so hard I almost cried. I then got out of bed and went to Tyler's room and spent the rest of the morning in Tyler's bed, until both a confused Tyler and Connor came and woke me up around 7am. Connor must've been looking for me in bed, and woke Tyler up too. They thought it was funny. I was happy to just have been able to go back to sleep.

As always, the weekend went too fast, and ended with the typical Sunday night grilling (this time steaks) and a few beers. With the gorgeous weather outside, it seems we cannot spend enough time out on the deck!

The weekend, more or less...

2010-04-12T05:48:00.002-05:00

Some interesting things that happened around our house this weekend:

The big one! Kyle bought a smoker. I've never had food off of a smoker (from my own backyard), and IT. IS. AWESOME! We smoked chicken on Saturday and ribs on Sunday. The best part about the smoker, since you have to kind of hang around while it's smoking, it makes for great time as a family. The kids playing outside, Kyle and I can sit and talk and just enjoy the day, and the neighbors all wander over because it smells so darn good! It was worth every penny.

We got to enjoy the firepit on Saturday night. Firepit+smoker+friends+drinks= awesome good time.

I cleaned the kitchen floor three times this weekend. The only way I clean the floor is on my hands and knees (a trick learned from my dad), with my special Melaleuca cleaner that also has a disinfectant in it. Smoker+friends+drinks=a lot of people in the house. I'll take it though..... so relaxing.

Tyler and I went to the store together. This, in and of itself, does not seem like a big deal, but I am just mesmerized with that kid. I love spending one-on-one time with him, just talking. We went to Wal-Mart and walked around the garden center and talked about the plants and flowers, until Tyler had to go to the bathroom. Again, why with needing to go to the bathroom at Wal-Mart!?!?!? It seems I'm doomed whenever I go into the store with one of the kids. At least now, Tyler can run into the restroom by himself while I wait outside. He actually prefers that.

I just love spending time with Tyler. The more we talk, the more I learn about him, and the more impressed I am with him. I especially love to watch his eyes when he talks. He has the most amazing green, hazel, red, light brown eyes that seem to change color while he's talking, depending on the intensity of the conversation. That, and the fact that his freckles (thanks Kyle, these kids don't have a chance!) are starting to spring up all over his face, are so darn cute. I could watch him for hours.

This same "big boy" fell asleep on my lap last night while watching the movie UP. He was so tired from the weekend, and after staying up until after 10pm on Saturday, and no nap on Sunday, he was ready to crash. Before 7:30 he was sawing logs on my lap, while I rubbed his forehead, which totally relaxes him. I could've stayed there all night, if it wasn't for Connor then trying to poke Tyler's eyes out. Sleeping big brother+little brother who is usually the one picked on=a good time for Connor.

Speaking of the movie UP, we watched it twice this weekend (well, it was on twice, and I saw bits and pieces of it). The more times I see that movie, the more I like it. Really not a kids movie at all (as most of those types of movies are). I actually get tears in my eyes towards the end. It has such deep meaning (even with the talking dogs), and it's nice that the kids enjoy it too!

The weekend ended at 3:45 this morning when I woke up in a panic attack with everything that is looking me in the face this week. By next Saturday night, I'm pretty sure I will be off the wagon again.

My Airplane

2010-04-08T22:20:00.003-05:00

I love to hear the noise of the airplane.

Every night at about 10:22pm (give or take 10 minutes) there is an airplane that flies over our house. That plane has had the same flight pattern for a couple of years now, so it's almost become a part of my routine.

I'm not always awake when the plane flies over, but if I am, it always makes me smile. I think it makes me happy because when it flies over I'm usually laying in bed, next to my husband, watching something good on TV. Any opportunity to watch TV is good. Any opportunity to just lay still is good.

I am safe and warm in my bed. My boys sleeping in their beds in the rooms just outside of ours, and sometimes, even my own husband sleeping too.

It's my reminder every night. A reminder of everything I have. It makes me feel so blessed. I'm the luckiest person in the world...

Tyler's New Obsession

2010-04-06T06:19:00.005-05:00

A tornado.

Seriously. This kid is absolutely terrified at the even thought of a tornado. The thunderstorm and hail we had last night helped. Holy cow - we had 1,000 questions.

"Mom, is there going to be a tornado? Where are they? How will we know if we have to hide? Does the sky suck the ice off the ground to make hail? Why is there lightening in a tornado?", etc. etc. etc.

I'm not sure what spawned this. My only guess is that they started doing tornado drills at daycare (where he told me they have to go into the women's restroom in the main hallway - so he is paying attention). My guess is that the combination of the activity to shuffle everyone in the bathroom, then sitting there for who-knows-how-long probably scares the bejesus out of him.

We did happen to be flipping through channels on Sunday night, and noticed that this week is "Tornado Week" on the Weather Channel. So, every night we've been watching shows about tornadoes. It's actually neat to watch him learn. He's asking about how hail is made, and why do tornadoes turn in circles, etc. Fortunately, since I also had a tornado obsession when I was in elementary school, I can answer those questions for him.

He never ceases to amaze me. Just when I think I have him figured out, he finds a new hobby, a new interest, or something new to worry about. Now we have to convince him every night that a tornado won't come to our house in the middle of the night.

I remember having nightmares as a child that I was standing at our picture window watching a tornado come right towards the house. Maybe he is a lot more like me than I thought....

We will miss you, Jason

2010-03-29T21:41:00.003-05:00

Jason and Jackie, after our fundraiser garage sale last summer. Jason has just got out of the hospital after spending 6 months there, just a few days before this picture was taken. He unfortunately relapsed 2 months later.

Jason Eckrich passed away at 6:45am on Saturday, March 27th. His parents both at his side in the PICU at the University of Iowa Hospitals and Clinics. The doctors and nurses said they believe it was heart and lung failure, although his kidneys and liver had been failing the week before. His body just could not fight after he got the blood infection a couple of weeks ago. A blood infection after a round of chemo is not a good combination.

Kyle talked to Jason's dad, Steve, today, and I talked to Jackie tonight. We have learned things about what happens when a child dies, that no one should ever have to experience. Jackie told us the PICU staff told them they would do CPR on Jason until they were comfortable enough to make the call to stop. Jackie said her and Steve struggled for 35 minutes before they could say those words. She also said the PICU staff had Jason cleaned up, wires out of him, etc., in less than 5 minutes, and gave Steve and Jackie all the time they wanted to just lay next to Jason and say their goodbyes. Then they called the nurse up from the 3rd floor that always gave Jason his baths, to give him his last bath. When the person came up to transport Jason to the morgue, he recognized that they weren't ready yet, and said he would wait outside until they were. He then offered for them to walk with him if they wanted, or he could take Jason away too.

They also learned that one of the funeral homes in town will do everything at cost, and offer their services for free. They will not be in the business of making money when children die. What a noble thing to do as a business.

The casket that was picked out for Jason, was made from wood that was blessed by Monks before the tree was even cut down. I think that is pretty special.

It just amazes me that Steve and Jackie had to make these decisions. Making these decisions about a loved one would be hard enough, but for a child that fought so hard, went through so much, and was at one time, so full of life, just doesn't make sense.

Tyler and I have talked about it some more tonight, and I think he might understand it more than I give him credit for sometimes. Tonight he told me, out of the blue, "Mommy, it isn't fair that kids have to die." Exactly.

Please keep the Eckrich family in your prayers.

Tyler in college

2010-03-22T21:06:00.003-05:00

I had the opportunity to spend a few minutes alone with Tyler today. That rarely happens, but the conversations we have are priceless...

Tonight we had to go to downtown Iowa City, and whenever we go into Iowa City, I explain to him what the University of Iowa is, and how he can go to college there someday if he wants to - and then, try explaining to a 5 year old what a "dorm" is. It's not as easy as it sounds.

"Mommy, I don't want to go to college when I'm 8." He said.

"Tyler, you don't have to go to college when you're 8, but 18, if you want." I told him.

The conversation then proceeded, and got a bit deeper...

"Mommy, but I don't want to go to college, because I don't want to live in a home without you, and I don't want you to forget about me."

(insert my breaking heart here....)

"Tyler, I would never forget you, even if you go to college. By that time, you'll have a cell phone, and you can call me whenever you want." I tell him.

"What's your phone number, Mom?" He asked. "I can call you every day then? Here, write your phone number down on this piece of paper" he told me, and found a scrap piece of paper in the back seat.

"Yes, you can call me every day" I told him. "You could even text me if you want to."

"Can you show me how to text?" he said. "I will text you every day to tell you that I love you."

Wow, Tyler. You never cease to amaze me, and really hope you can follow through with that promise, in about 13 years!

That's My Son

2010-03-14T10:02:00.005-05:00

Last week while leaving Charlotte, I had a while before my flight left, so I just wandered around. I found a bookstore - which is really never a good thing. I cannot enter a bookstore without buying something, and LOVE browsing books. I usually end up buying at least one book, but usually only read 80% of it. (One of my odd quirks.) I found a rack with an interesting compilation: how to be a better leader, a better friend, a better cook, etc... and then found this book:Call me strange, but books usually "speak" to me. Just a glance at the cover and a flip through the book, gives me enough confidence to buy it.

While still in the bookstore, I opened this book to the Introduction, and read this:

"You hear his little feet stomping up the wooden porch steps fast as they can go on a summer's afternoon. You yell, "Don't small the screen do--" SLAM!

"Mom! Mom!" he hollers, so out of breath he can hardly get the words out. (Why are boys so loud? you think.) You hand him a glass of water, and he attemps to drink and tell his oh-so-important story at the time.

"Mom - GULP - I - GULP - saw - GULP, PANT, PANT - the most - GULP - biggest - GULP, PANT, PANT....."

You smile at him and gently push the hair from his eyes, lovingly studying his countenance. What you see causes your heart to melt like the chocolate bar he left on your dashboard in the hot sun. His smudged face, his dirt t-shirt, and the grass-stained knees of his jeans tell you he's been on some outrageous adventure about which you can only guess. His hair is damp with sweat, and he's got that incredible boy smell about him - one part fresh-cut grass, one part odor of dog, one part unwashed hands that have been who knows where, and one part long-lost dreams from your own childhood. You gaze at him with love, wondering what he will be like as a man..."

Instantly my eyes welled up with tears. I cannot even count how many times I do this. I will find myself just staring at him as he plays, watched his eyes and trying to figure out what's going through his mind just at that time.

This book was absolutely incredible, and I ended up reading the whole thing (GASP!) within about a hour and a half. I don't think I blinked the entire time. I hung on nearly every word, and have used a lot of what the book suggested already.

The book talks about how to discipline appropriately, how to get your son to listen to you, how to play with them, how to praise them, etc. It was amazing, and especially amazing is just how well it has worked so far! To get Tyler's attention now, I whisper at him, instead of yelling. He stops in his tracks, every time!

This book actually made me feel....normal. My boys have always been so.... crazy. I've had women raise their eyebrows at me in the stores, and I've become so frustrated at times that I just sat down on the floor, and cried. Knowing that most boys are crazy, rambunctious, loud, and don't stop moving, made me feel like I hadn't done something wrong. Most important, it helped me learn how to become a better and stronger mom so my boys will grow up understand what it means to be a man, by what behaviors to encourage and which to discourage.

It was nice to know we are pretty normal, after all....

The boys, after building a "fort" in Tyler's room. In this picture, every blanket we own is behind the mattress that is yes, on its side, and they are jumping on the bed, having an absolute BLAST! (This isn't something they do to cause trouble, or make a mess, but is truly a way they develop and learn, and have fun while doing it!)

I have to find a snowplow

2010-03-01T18:56:00.002-06:00

I had to go out of town for work this week, so I'm sitting in a hotel in North Carolina.

I remember when I was a little... my dad would go out of town for work and would come home with cool stuff for us. Now that I think back, I think he just gave us stuff that the supplier that he went to visit, gave him (flashlights, rulers, pens, etc.), but to me as a kid, it was COOL! I loved that stuff, and would usually bring it for show and tell.

Now, every time before I have to go somewhere that will keep me overnight, I ask Tyler what he would like me to bring him. (Out of a tremendous sense of guilt, I guess, I will buy him a toy/snack/fill in the blank - pretty much whatever he asks for). This time, he asked for a snowplow. Yes, a snowplow.

I have no idea where this came from. He apparently wants a truck that looks like a snowplow. The only thing I can think that would be close is when we were at Wal-Mart yesterday, we stopped to looked at the toy cars. I think I remember seeing a John Deere that had a blade on it. Tyler must've seen it too, and just got in his mind that he wanted it.

So, I'm in North Carolina, looking for a snowplow.

I apologize in advance Tyler, but I don't think there will be much of an opportunity to get a snowplow, unless I go to Wal-Mart and get one, which would be ridiculous because we have a Wal-Mart 2 miles from our house. And, it doesn't snow here, really at all. They are talking about it "possibly snowing in Charlotte" on the news (Insert Newscaster's "GASP!" here), but seriously, it was 52 degrees when I got here today, and there are flowers planted in the ground.

I love you're thinking though, Tyler. You're always on it, your mind always going. Your big, huge, green/hazel eyes looking at me, telling me to have a good trip, was awesome! Thanks buddy! I needed that!

The Brick

2010-02-28T21:33:00.005-06:00

Reading posts like this just infuriate me. Mostly, infuriate me with myself.

http://laylagrace.org/

I complain when the boys wake up too much at night. I complain when they don't listen. I complain when I take them to Wal-Mart and we need to use their bathrooms. I complain when they spill pancake batter on the floor.

And then I get hit with a brick.

"A brick" is when reality comes and smacks me in the head, and reminds me of just how good I have it. Little Jason across the street from us, is a "brick". His leukemia has returned, once again, and his family is currently on their Make-A-Wish trip to Disney World while the doctors here try to figure out what to do next. At this point, he's become an experiment. Nothing proven to have worked on individuals in the past, works on him. They are now searching for other doctors that have found other miracles, and trying to figure out what chemo treatment to use next that his body won't recognize, because he's had so many.

And "a brick" is coming across a blog where someone isn't complaining about their kids making messes, or not listening, or screaming too loud - but dying too slow.

Hug your kids, and enjoy every minute with them. It makes me so frustrated that it takes a brick to knock me back into reality, and really be thankful for what I truly have. A wonderful, beautiful, healthy, full-of-life, family.

From one of the blog posts:

"Towards the end of a pregnancy, a mother will wake up to go to the bathroom every few hours. I think this is the body’s way of preparing you for a newborn and the sleepless nights that come along with it. Layla now spends most of her days sleeping. 30-45 minutes after she wakes up, she is ready to lay down and sleep again. Is this God’s way of preparing me for all the quiet time that is coming soon? The house is quiet. I am able to go through the motions of laundry, dishes, cooking and picking up without interruptions. But I WANT interruptions. I WANT Layla to be under my feet asking for cookies. I WANT to hear her playing with her toys. I WANT to take 45 minutes to unload the dishwasher because she keeps trying to help. For every time I uttered the words “I just can’t get anything done with these kids under my feet all day” I am eternally regretful. The days that I looked forward to naptime so I could get a grocery list made, or finally fold all the piles of laundry…I regret those days too. If I could do it all again, I’d enjoy EVERY SINGLE WAKING MOMENT I had with her. I would never wish for her to sit still or take a nap or go to bed early. I would never look forward to the days when she could sit through an entire episode of Dora silently. I would treasure every second with her."

For those of you that want kids, STOP!

2010-02-25T21:14:00.002-06:00

Okay, well... maybe not stop, but proceed with caution.

I had a great idea today. (You can see where this might be going...) I thought since we had to get a couple things at the store, that we could possible make a "family night" of it. You know, a trip to Wal-Mart with the kiddos and the hubby. We could even grab a sandwich at Subway, leisurely walk through the store and pick up a few things that we need, and grab a birthday present for the party Tyler has tomorrow night. (This kid is officially invited to more parties than I am now!) Kyle also agreed that was a great idea.

Next time, we decided we are both going to either have to be drunk, or heavily medicated. Both, if at all possible.

We got to Subway as the boys were starving, and ordered two $5 foot longs (now the song will be going through your head over and over and over and over again too!). Both Chicken, because the boys love chicken. Since the boys wanted chips, Kyle and I both got a value meal - hey we're saving money already and haven't even started shopping yet! 2 chips, 2 drinks and 2 foot long sandwiches. That could certainly feed a quaint family of four!

Holy Lord

Tyler was furious that he didn't get his own drink. This is about when everything started going downhill. He stood at the pop machine whining for about 5 minutes about how he wanted Diet Pepsi, but Kyle had already filled his glass with Lemonade. Oh - the Horror!!!! (Tyler, you are a total drama king, if there is such a thing! And, I wouldn't give you Diet Pepsi at 6pm if my life depended on it!)

After we finally convinced Tyler to sit down with us and eat, preferably without whining, I cut my sandwich in half. God forbid, a sliver of lettuce had landed on his side of the sandwich! You would've thought someone had attempted to cut off his leg with the body writhing and squirming that proceeded. I picked off the lettuce, and any possible "lettuce juice" it left behind, and convinced him that if he ate his sandwich, it would help him grow big muscles.

We finally finished eating, and Connor needed to go potty. Awesome. Everyone knows how much I love the Wal-Mart bathrooms, and we got to experience them, yet again. At least this time I could suspend him in the air and aim - a definite benefit to having a boy. We didn't have to touch anything, and they had actually replaced the dead flowers on the sink with fresh ones. Lovely.

Once we got to shopping, Connor found the candy. At that point, I had already reached the "whatever" stage and let him grab what he wanted. It was one of those ring suckers, and he carried it around the whole store. Tyler freaked out about halfway through the store when he noticed Connor had one and he didn't. (Insert me cussing under my breath here.)

We got the necessities. Seriously, we needed milk, bread, butter, etc. Stuff that you would normally only buy before a snow storm, or every other day around here - based on the recent weather. We then needed to go to the toy section to buy something for the party Tyler has tomorrow night.

Never. Again. Never again will I take Tyler to buy a present for someone else, especially when that someone else is another 5 year old boy that has the same interests as Tyler.

After we decided on a toy (a cool Nerf gun), Tyler proceeded to throw another semi-tantrum in the toy section because HE WANTED ONE TOO!!!!! Now, Kyle and I were both beyond reasoning with him, and seriously, at least twice, considered leaving him at the store, or pretending that we didn't know who he was. He was awful.

He drug the toy with him through the store, all the while saying "This is MY gun, MINE, I want this gun, this isn't for Jackson, this is for ME!", and on and on and on and on. It was ridiculous.

At the cash registered, Connor spotted more candy, and gum. Tyler had a death grip on that stupid gun, and then knocked a whole pack of candy on the floor while flipping it around while trying to keep it from us. Candy went everywhere. Kyle was beyond frustrated because we were at the "self-checkout" which wouldn't scan half of our items, and if I heard that lady say "Please Put the Item in the Bagging Area" one more time, I was going to absolutely lose it, right then and there.

We got home, and nothing really improved. Tyler had tantrum after tantrum out of pure exhaustion. Kyle and I got to the point where we fought about how to disciple a kid that is misbehaving, but also tired, so we started yelling at each other. Tyler was so tired tonight, I think Kyle literally hog tied him and put him in bed at about 7:50. He was out in 2 seconds.

The night continued with a lovely chorus of cuss words out of Kyle because he couldn't get our home computer to work and me trying to finish my paper for school while typing with only my left hand because Connor was at one time, glued to my right leg.

Connor closed the night for us by getting out of bed 1,584 times.

I'm exhausted, and although I love my kids to death and wouldn't trade them for the world, I'm glad no one asked me why I had kids, at 6:25 tonight.

Advice from a 5 year old

2010-02-21T13:50:00.003-06:00

I have been so forgetful lately. So forgetful, it's almost embarrassing. Two weeks ago, I got 23 miles into my commute, when I realized my computer was on the kitchen counter at home. I've forgotten my purse at least twice in the last couple of weeks, but at least I noticed that before I gotten out of town. It's got to the point where Kyle isn't even surprised when I walk back in the door anymore at home after just leaving.

Friday morning, I drove the kids to daycare. I had class all day Friday, and I'm usually frazzled on the mornings before school. I'm not sure why, maybe just because I want to get there, get it started, and get it done. I'm worried if we did the homework correctly, would I get called on that day, would there be a surprise presentation, etc.

As we were about halfway to daycare, I looked at the passenger seat beside me. I had my computer, I had my school bag, but no purse. I think I punched the steering wheel, and starting using code swear words... "frick, frick, ffffffffffff, dangit, crap, crap, crap!" was all that would come out of my mouth. I took the next turn I could, and started heading back home.

Tyler asked, of course, why we weren't going the right way to daycare. I told him I had forgot my purse at home, again....

Tyler: "Why did you forget your purse again, Mommy?"

Me: "Because I forget everything these days!" (I was still very frustrated!)

Tyler: "Why do you forget everything?"

I actually thought about how I should answer this, and figured the truth would be the best in this case.

Me: "Because I have too much on my mind sometimes, Tyler. I just forget stuff."

Tyler: "Maybe you could take some stuff off your mind." he suggested.

Now I'm smirking, because I realize I'm about to get a good dose of "Tyler advice". Tyler advice is the best advice you could get, because it usually brings me back to reality, calms me down, and makes me giggle a little.

Me: "So, how should I take stuff off my mind?" I replied.

Tyler: "Well, maybe you could put some of it in your purse." He told me. "Maybe you could take one of your old purses, and put it in there, and then you could take it to Wal-Mart, and then you could leave that purse there. Then it would be off your mind, and gone."

Perfect, Tyler. Again, thank you for making these things that seem so big, and seem to ruin my day at times, so simple and so unimportant in the big picture of life!

I jinxed myself

2010-02-11T05:57:00.003-06:00

Yesterday morning I was talking to one of the other parents at daycare, and she mentioned how everyone in her house had been sick, so it had already been through her family. I jinxed myself by saying, "We've been healthy all winter, it's actually been odd..."

Connor didn't sleep well that night before. It took him over 2 hours to fall asleep, and he cried. Connor doesn't cry when he's going to sleep. He had gas, so we thought it was something he maybe ate, and gave him some antacid. He also woke up at 2am crying. Not like him, at all.

Kyle called me on my way home and said daycare had called and said Connor had a 103 fever, and gunk draining out of his hear. Awesome. Fever means he can't go back to daycare until Friday, and the gunk means a ruptured eardrum and ear infection.

The doctor gave us Zithromax and ear drops, so we headed to Wal-Mart to fill those. I needed to get stuff for Tyler's Valentine's Day Party today anyway, so that worked out okay.

While in the Valentine's aisle at Wal-Mart, Connor announced to me that he had to poop. I zoomed to the back of the store (FYI - Wal-Mart's halfway clean bathrooms are usually in the back!), and we made it. He pooped, and everyone was happy.

While back in the Valentine's aisle again, I could smell poop. "Please God, let that not be Connor..." I said. But, Connor announced to me that he pooped in his pants. He wasn't done pooping when he told me he was earlier. Awesome again.

We headed to the bathroom that is one aisle away, which is the one in front of the store.

Pause, for editorial comment to Wal-Mart: Dear Wal-Mart - What do you have against cleaning bathrooms? Seriously, I don't think I have stepped foot in a dirtier truck stop restroom, than yours was last night. The toilets looked like they hadn't been cleaned in weeks, and the dead flowers on the sink added such a nice touch. You know that greeter that stands there and does not a whole lot all day? How about giving him a scrub brush sometime... or maybe using cleaner when you clean the restrooms. Seriously, a 97 cent bottle of bleach could do wonders in there...

As we were in the bathroom, I took off Connor clothes. I had no diaper bag with me, so made an executive decision. The underwear just had to go. I cleaned him up the best I could, while getting poop on his shoes, his socks, and the floor. I threw the underwear in the toilet and flushed. Sorry, Wal-Mart. If your bathroom hadn't had me near puking, I might've figured something else out.

I got his clothes back on, and we finally got out of the store without a hitch, minus one pair of underwear.

I always have believe in jinxing, and now it has been confirmed. Next time, I will keep my mouth shut!

Maybe I should be worried...

2010-02-07T14:13:00.003-06:00

Tyler has his camo backpack that he uses for everything! We take it to swimming lessons, he takes his show and tell stuff to daycare in it, and lately, he uses it to haul around his weapons.

Yes, weapons.

This kid is all boy. And although when he was a baby I said "my son will not play with guns, etc., etc.", here we are. He loves them, and plays such good imaginary play with them.

The other day I found his backpack on the couch, and he had all of these items in the bag:

2 guns
a small baseball bat
a play saw
a small play sword
play handcuffs
and gum

Yikes, Tyler. Maybe we should chill out on the weapons??? And the gum?

Dear Tyler & Connor

2010-02-02T06:16:00.004-06:00

Dear Tyler & Connor,

Seriously. What is going on?

On Saturday and Sunday morning, it is nearly impossible to get you to sleep past 6am. Last Sunday, we had the joy of 5:10am, Tyler, when you announced you wanted to go to the living room, then melted into a pile of tantrum on our bedroom floor, before the sun was even up. You did that because you were still tired. People that are still tired, sleep.

During the week, I am fighting a grouchy, grumpy 5 year old out of bed with a stick. It's crazy. You don't want to move, and when you do wake up, go right to the couch where you want to cuddle up in a blanket.

Let's start a new trend, boys. Lets sleep in on the weekend! Monday thru Friday, that's 5 DAYS of the week, you can get up at 5:30. Heck, you can get up at 5am if you want!!! But Saturday & Sunday, let's at least sleep past 6am. I would take 6:30, and would give my right arm for 7am, but hey - beggars can't be choosers, right?

Think about it. =)

Love,
Mommy

Strange Saturday Morning

2010-01-31T06:45:00.002-06:00

It was such a strange Saturday morning yesterday. Not really a whole lot normal about it.

My alarm went off at 5am. I still had homework to finish before class started at 8:30.
Just after I got out of the shower, Tyler walked in. It was 5:45.
Once in the living room, he didn't want to watch cartoons. He wanted to watch retro episodes of The Incredible Hulk. Yes - the 1980s versions. ("Don't make me angry... You wouldn't like it when I'm angry.")
Connor was up at 6:15, and was NOT in a good mood.
I made Tyler his peanut butter & jelly sandwich (usual breakfast), in between doing laundry.
I emptied the dishwasher, homework has still not been started.
Connor wants to wear his Spiderman outfit, and while wearing it, golfs in the living room.
Tyler puts on all of his camo, and wants to go outside. It's 7:15am, and 8 degrees outside.
I have 2 loads of laundry done by 7am, we've watched the Incredible Hulk, and how the boys want to watch the movie "I am Legend" with Will Smith. Seriously?
I finally head out to class at about 7:50. Homework never was finished. I watched almost a whole movie, finished laundry, and emptied the dishwasher.

I texted Kyle once I got to class: "FYI, Connor isn't wearing underwear, and please give Tyler a nap today - I don't care if you have to hog tie him!"

Hope no one is monitoring my texts... that one might come off a bit strange, but certainly fits with the morning!

By the time 9pm came around last night, it felt like I had 2 days in one!!!

Guess what Mom!?!?!

2010-01-27T19:43:00.002-06:00

When I walked in the door tonight, Tyler was thrilled. He ran up to me and quickly announced that he had pooped on his own today at daycare, and was able to wipe his own butt!!!!! He was thrilled!!! At least he had a better day than I did.

Our conversation continued later, and it was funny, but deep.

He asked me about why I was brushing my teeth after dinner.

"Mommy, why are you brushing your teeth?" he asked.

"Because I just ate, and I brush my teeth after I eat" I replied.

"What did you eat?" he asked.

"Goulash." I replied (he knew that!).

"Why did you eat, were you hungry?" he asked again.

"Yep, I was. I didn't have a snack today at work." I replied, thinking I would put this into perspective for him.

"I had a snack at daycare today," he added, "You didn't have a snack today at work?"

"No, I didn't have a snack today, but I did yesterday. Just not today", I replied, thinking this conversation would have to soon end.

"Are they mean to you at work?" He asked. I just stopped.

Wow, that was deep. I actually am still thinking about that one. Are they mean? No, not usually, and sometimes, not on purpose. But could we all be nicer to each other? Always. That's actually been first and foremost in my thoughts lately at work, as we try to accomplish some very difficult goals, with less staffing than ever. The challenges are neverending, and the "opportunities" are everywhere.

That was the deepest thing I heard all day. Thanks Tyler for always keeping it in perspective for me, and reminding me what is important, always.

My kid, the bully

2010-01-25T21:06:00.002-06:00

Last weekend when I was in school, Kyle took the boys to our nephew's basketball game. This seemingly innocent event, turned out quite interesting...

Kyle said when the game ended, he spent some time talking to a girl we went to high school with. She has three boys. Her middle son, Troy, is in Tyler's room at daycare, and her oldest was playing basketball that day.

I didn't catch the whole story of how it happened, but Kyle said they were talking, and Tyler, who had been around the corner, came walking back. No big deal. Then, all of a sudden, Troy came running up to his mom in tears. He said Tyler had put him in a locker and shut the door. Someone else had to open the locker, after hearing Troy banging on it.

O. M. G.

Kyle said he apologized profusely to Jill, and I'm sure almost killed Tyler out of embarrassment and trying to make a point that putting people in lockers is not something anyone does, EVER. When I got home from school and Kyle told me the story, the look I gave Tyler immediately brought him to tears. I'm not sure what my face looked like, but he collapsed to the ground in tears out of embarrassment.

I still feel really bad, and believe me, we've talked about it a lot with Tyler. I guess we all will always worry about what "type" of kid we will have. I can assure you though, after that incident, that is first and foremost on our radar, and we're working on "how we treat our friends", and putting them in lockers is not an option. To us that is a logical conversation, but with a 5 year old, it becomes interesting.

I happened to run into Troy's dad at work today. I knew this had happened, and although Jill was okay with it when Kyle left that day, I know how I would've felt if someone put my kid in a locker. I tried to kind of avoid him. Troy's dad, Jason, just said, "Heard your kid is putting little kids in lockers...hehehe." He actually was smiling, and I starting apologizing like crazy. I told him how bad I felt, and now I'm having visions of being the mom of the "school bully", etc., etc.

His response, as he was laughing: "Yep, and I'm having those same visions of my kid being the wimp that is put in lockers."

Touche.

One weekend, one two year old, seven baths

2010-01-24T13:50:00.002-06:00

Just when I think this kid couldn't poop anymore, he does.

This all started early Friday morning. Connor opened his door at about 3:30 and started crying, really loud. That is very unlike him, so I ran to grab him, and as I picked him up, he puked all over me. I thought maybe it was a combination of all the food he had to eat that night, so I cleaned him up, changed him, and put him back to sleep. He seemed great all day Friday.

During the middle of the night Friday, I checked on Connor. It stunk horrible in his room, but that didn't surprise me too much. That kid can pass gas with the best of them. Saturday morning at 5:50am, he opened his bedroom door. I tapped Kyle (which is secret code for "Your Turn!!!"), so Kyle went to try to possibly get him back to sleep, or head out to the living room with him.

Before long, I hear the water running in the bathroom. I got out of bed to see what was going on.

Connor had completely filled his Pull-Up, and then tried to remove it himself in his bedroom before he opened the door. Then I looked at his bed, which he had apparently puked in hours ago (thus the smell). It stunk so bad in his room, it was horrible.

Kyle bathed Connor and tried to scrub the smell out of him. I stripped his bed, and picked up all the poop I could. Then Kyle got the carpet shampooer. By this time, the whole house was awake, and it wasn't even 6am yet.

We got the carpets shampooed, twice. We then turned on the ceiling fan, and I even lit a candle to try to get rid of the smell. As he went through the day, he seemed okay, then took a nap - and repeat the process above, again. Poop in bed, soak through everything, bath again, more laundry. I've done so much laundry this weekend, but all of our clothes aren't even clean yet, because I keep washing sheets and blankets and pajamas and towels, etc.

This morning, same thing. 6am, poop all over bed, bath. This is getting exhausting.

I just left a Pull-Up on him today, much to his disliking. He keeps begging for "undaware", but we tried that, twice this morning. And all that generated was more laundry.

He's taking a nap again. Yesterday was a 4 hour nap, and just started hour 2 today. Hopefully he can kick this flu bug. I'm not sure our washing machine can keep up!!

Conversations with the kids

2010-01-23T10:37:00.002-06:00

"Mommy, can I watch a movie with guns?" Tyler asked me the other night.

No problem, I thought. "Sure, how about GI Joe?" I answered.

"Well, maybe not THAT many guns..." he said.

I guess he knows what he wants.

He ended up picking out the movie in our DVD collection, "I am Legend" with Will Smith. That was an AWESOME movie, and I can't believe I hadn't watched it before!!! Good choice, Tyler!

____________________________________

Here is a typical conversation with Connor:

"Mommy, can I have candy?"

My answer, "No, no candy right now."

Connor: "What'd you say?"

Me: "No candy right now."

Connor: "What'd you say?

Repeat this in about every conversation. I found myself saying it to Kyle last night "What'd you say?". So, gee... wonder where he gets it!

I know him too well...

2010-01-16T20:06:00.003-06:00

Last night was interesting... I had tons of studying to do for class today, and Kyle was planning on heading to the Ney's (our neighbors) for an evening of dinner, some drinks, and probably a movie (if no good sports event was on). He took Tyler, and I stayed home with Connor. I knew I could possibly read while watching Stuart Little for the 284th time.

By 9:30, Kyle and Tyler were still not home. I knew Tyler had not taken a nap that day, had been up since 6:20am, and went sledding with his daycare class at a local golf course. He had to be totally exhausted. I texted Kyle...

"Send Tyler home, I'll put him to bed. If you don't, you will have a whiny mess all day tomorrow..."

Trying to think ahead, Kyle's most annoying thing in the world, is a tired Tyler. Tired Tyler is a mess. He whines, he cries, he is mean, he throws fits, etc. It's not pretty. I was trying to look out for Kyle's best interest.

Finally, at about 9:55, I see them walking home. "Awesome." I think to myself. "Tyler is going to be a mess tomorrow."

I got home from class at 5pm today. Kyle said he had an awesome day. I could hardly believe it. That all ended about 2 hours ago. We went to Mike and Vicki's for "Taco Night", and when Tyler finally threw a golf ball at Connor's nose, causing it to bleed, I picked him up sideways, and brought him home.

I feel so bad for Tyler when he gets into that mood. He's just totally miserable. You can tell he just hurts from being so tired.

I got him into his pajamas, by some act of God, and sat on his bed with him. I could tell it was going to take a little bit more to calm him down, because he was just that out of control.

I took him to Connor's room, and we sat in the rocking chair. Tyler was out in about 10 seconds, and then he just was there, passed out in my arms.

It was at that time that I can remember him being a baby. He was a very sensitive baby, and actually cried a lot. He was very hard to soothe, and if you weren't sitting on the "bouncy ball" (the exercise ball) in our living room, he usually wasn't quiet. He was the epitome of a colicky baby, but when he finally passed out, he was out. Just like tonight.

I looked at his face. This now, so big face. That used to be my 7 pound 2 ounce baby. He still cries like he did when he was first born. So intense, but so needy. Like he just needs someone, to help him calm down. Usually its me helping him calm down, and its so peaceful to see him finally just relax.

He hasn't changed a bit.

Spiderman Soup

2010-01-08T06:11:00.004-06:00

Sometime last September, Tyler decided he wanted to "the Black Spiderman" for Halloween. I think I posted about that decision on a Friday evening to take Tyler to Target and get him that Halloween outfit, although it was a) 7 weeks before Halloween, b) he threw a tantrum for it, and c) it was against all of my better judgement.

We did get him the costume, and because it scared the crap out of Connor, (seriously, he cried and cried when he saw Tyler in it), we talked Tyler into another costume. Connor ended up being the "Red Spiderman".

That black spiderman costume was at our neighbors house for months. We sent it to the "fixers" (as far as Tyler knew) to get a hole repairs. Those "fixer people" sure take a long time, because they have so many costumes that need to be repaired.... hehehe. It was nice to have the costume gone, because then I could finally detach Connor from my leg.

About 2 weeks ago Vicki reminded us that the costume was still at her house. We decided to bring it home (what could be the harm), and so both spiderman costumes are wandering around our house, every day now.

Every night when the boys get home, that is the first thing they do. Spiderman costumes are found, clothes are stripped off, and they run around with their costumes on. Connor loves his too, and hilariously refers to it as his "Spiderman Soup". I'm not sure if he can't say "suit" or if he thinks the correct term is "soup". Either way - it cracks me up every time.

They have slept in the costumes, gone outside in the costumes, and even tried to wear them to daycare and into the bathtub. These simple, cheap, spandex costumes that were purchased about 4 months ago, still bring total entertainment every day.

The amazing fun...

2009-12-31T13:56:00.003-06:00

That the "Johnson's Buddies" soap can bring to the boys. Looks gross to me, but it provides almost a half hour of entertainment every night!!!

They love it!

For those of you that say Connor looks like me...

2009-12-30T15:36:00.005-06:00

you are so wrong! I came across this picture today in our files. OMG is all I have to say.

Connor must be reading my blog

2009-12-30T10:44:00.003-06:00

Okay, for those of you that are disgusted when people post about their children's bathroom habits, please ignore this post.

CONNOR POOPED ON THE POTTY LAST NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was the happiest moment of my day! Tyler wanted nothing to do with pooping on the potty for such a long time. Now that Connor gets to watch Tyler, I think it was a little incentive. (That, and the toy train I bribed him with!)

Connor, if you're reading this, I am SO proud of you! I will be so thrilled if I have thrown away my last pair of poopy underwear! =)

Okay, this will be my last post about my children's bathroom habits for a while...

My coffee and my blog

2009-12-29T07:43:00.003-06:00

Aaaahhhhh...... finally. I get to blog and just....sit. I almost couldn't believe it, but I did actually read some blogs last night, catching up on blogs I haven't looked at in a month. It was nice to read something other than "Good Night Gorilla" and the daily sheets from daycare. Kyle and the kids left for daycare, and the house is all mine!

It's been crazy lately. This week is what I refer to as "decompression week". It's a week off of work (with the whole plant shut down) which means no e-mails are coming in, very few phone calls, and I can pretty much stop thinking about that crazy place that I call work. We are on a break from school, so I don't have to read finance books that read like radio instructions or write 12 page papers for things I could say in 4. This is nice...

Christmas was great with the kids. They scored big with gifts! So much so that I put about half of them in a secret hiding place, and I will pull them out randomly throughout the year when we're in a desperate situation. Last year, I pulled the last one out on a rainy day in August. That was nice.

Some interesting things that have happened over the last month:

Tyler started drawing anatomically correct people at daycare. Yeeeeaaaa. His teacher sent two of the pictures home so we could talk to him. My favorite is "Mr. Anatomically Correct Snowman". The funny thing is that Tyler doesn't see the issue. I couldn't help but laugh (silently to myself, of course), and we talked about why that isn't good to do.

Connor will not poop on the toilet to save his life. He's got the peeing down, and will go by himself now. I always just pray that he poops when he wakes up with a pull-up on, or you never know what you will have throughout the day. Put it this way, we borrowed the carpet shampooer from the neighbors twice now. The finally told us to just keep it here and they will borrow it from us.

I have so much I want to do this week - I'm wondering how much I will actually get done. I always have high aspirations, but usually only accomplish half. I need to clean out our sunroom, or better know as the "just throw it in the sunroom" room. It is our "junk collecting" room in the house. I am going to sort that out if it kills me.

Okay, off to get some work done, but my goal is to blog more. I wanted to start documenting our life to keep for my kids later, and for myself. I find myself going back to read blogs that I just wrote 6 months ago, and it's amazing that I don't remember any of that happening.

See you soon!

Sorry to have been MIA...

2009-12-08T21:42:00.002-06:00

...but we were on vacation! A night in Miami, followed by a four day cruise to the Bahamas!

I won't bore you with the details, but will bore you with some pictures! =)

a picture of the Bahamas from the top of our Partyboat Shore Excursion

Kyle and I enjoying our vacation

Our cruise ship - the Carnival Imagination

I will post more later about our adventures!!!! Back to my 84 loads of laundry!

Knuffle Bunny

2009-12-02T11:01:00.005-06:00

Since I someday want to turn this blog into a book for my kids, I wanted to capture their favorite book for them. This was Tyler's favorite book a few years ago, and now Connor wants to read it every night. We've actually got to the point when I'm rocking him to sleep, that I can recite it word for word, without the book. Here's from memory...

Not so long ago, before she could even speak words, Trixie went on an errand with her daddy.

Trixie and her daddy went down the block, through the park

past the school, and into the laundromat.

Trixie helped her daddy put the laundry into the machine,

She even got to the money into the machine.

Then they left.

About a block or so later, Trixie realized something.

"Aggle Flaggle Klabble" said Trixie.

"That's right," replied her daddy, "We're going home"

"Aggle Flaggle Klabble" said Trixie again. "Blabble Plabble. Wumby Flappy. Snurp."

"Now, please don't get fussy," said her daddy.

Trixie had no choice. She bawled. She went boneless. She did everything she could to show how unhappy she was. By the time they got home, her daddy was unhappy too.

When Trixie's mommy opened the door she said, "Where's Knufflebunny?"

The whole family ran down the black, through the park,

they zoomed past the school, and into the laundromat.

Trixie's daddy looked for Knufflebunny and looked and looked and looked.

Knufflebunny was no where to be found.

Trixie's daddy decided to look harder, until, "KNUFFLEBUNNY!!!!"

And those were the first words Trixie ever said.

I love you Tyler and Connor. Every minute that I spent ready that book to you was pure joy.

2009-11-21T15:44:00.001-06:00

Well, here's the result. I couldn't keep Tyler to keep his sweater zipped, but I think we did okay. Now, we finally have some pictures to put up in our house!!!

"Mommy, Mommy, Wipe my Butt"....

2009-11-15T20:55:00.002-06:00

Kyle and I had decided about a week ago that we were going to have a "Thanksgiving" dinner at our house tonight. We invited the Ney's (our virtual family!) and cooked turkey, stuffing, corn casserole, rolls, mashed potatoes and gravy, and all the fixin's! It was awesome! (Mom...you would've been proud! I used your gravy recipe!!!)

Kyle went to cut wood today with Tyler, Mike and Mike's kids. While he was gone, Connor and I had to go to the store to make sure we had everything we needed for this feast we were having tonight.

Connor and I went to Hy-Vee, and not only did we get what we needed, we got just about everything else.... or so I thought, until we got to the car. I forgot Turkey bags.

Connor had been SO good in the store. I bought him a cookie in the store (as I usually do at Hy-Vee - but usually they have the jar of free cookies there. Today the jar was empty, so we had to buy a "Herky" cookie - which was totally worth the $2.50 it cost!). And we even got one of those car carts to ride around in - which is even better - he can pretend he is a race car driver as we drive around!

When we went back in the store, I decided to just keep him in a regular cart. I just forgot turkey bags, so the trip would take about 2 minutes. He stood up in the cart, and laughed as I moved faster and faster.

As we entered the store, he started the familiar chorus that is sung in my house...

"Mommy, Mommy, wipe my butt"......

Strangely enough, this song is sung with a definite rhythm, and smile. He sung it at the top of his lungs. For whatever sick reason, Tyler started this song about 6 months ago - as his "signal" when he's done pooping and needs his but wiped in the bathroom. Nice, right?

I kept trying to cover his mouth, and everytime I did that, he laughed hysterically. We even had the people in the aisles laughing. It was really cute, in a strange sort of way.

We got what we needed, and I eventually bought Connor a chocolate milk (something I am very opposed to) to get him to STOP signing. It worked, although I'm not sure Hy-Vee will ever be the same.

Thanks Connor. Ironically enough, I still wipe your butt, frequently. =)

The Family Picture

2009-11-09T06:12:00.003-06:00

(In order to get the full effect of this story, you must read it like you are moving in fast motion - which is what I was doing during this whole episode...)

We decided to finally take our first family picture. Our first family picture with the four of us, and actually, the first "professional" picture I've had taken since 2006, and that one was by accident. (I took Tyler to get his pictures taken, and they got me in a few.)

I was so proud of myself. I had actually planned ahead. We were all wearing sweaters of some kind, mine and Ty's was green, Connor had Navy Blue, and Kyle had brown. Since we were taking these pictures outside, I was going for solid colors, that look more natural. I had purchased the boys sweaters for their school pictures, Kyle already had his, and mine I bought Thursday night - nearly 48 hours before pictures were to be taken! I was on top of it, or so I thought....

Saturday morning Kyle asked what we were all wearing (I thought we had this conversation already!). As I told him, he looked at me and said "No, no, no.... we have to all wear the same color - if you walk into anyone's house with a family picture, if they have on different colored clothes is just looks funny!". And I believe him. He spends all day, every day, in other people's houses helping them get prepared to move - so he knows what he's talking about there.

I quickly throw on a sweatshirt and hat (not having showered) and head to the store. As I'm leaving, Kyle asks "Which one are you taking with you?", which means, which kid... This frustrates me because I can move 5 times faster by myself, but I ask Tyler and he declines me. Connor wants to go. Fantastic.

We head to the mall. If I'm going to find matching clothes for the boys, of course Old Navy would have that. We arrive at the mall at 9:15 to find it.... closed. The only store open was JC Penny, which had nothing. We wasted time around the mall until 10am (even wasting time in Barnes & Noble playing with their Thomas the Train set), because I knew Old Navy would have what we need. Nope. Nada. Zilch. Nothing that I would even have my boys photographed in. Dang it.

We then head to Kohl's. Time check - it's 10:30, pictures are at 1:30 in Cedar Rapids. I have to move quick, but things should be okay..... until.... I find nothing. I find a sweater in Tyler's size, but they don't have it in Connor's size. All sorts of red and green sweaters (we're wearing brown), but I couldn't find a darn thing. Nothing for me, or the boys. By this time, Connor is done shopping. By done, I mean literally, done. Crying and whining and just exhausted/hungry/bored. I leave a cart with things that might work towards the front of the store. "I'll be back...." I said to myself.

I drive home, like a maniac. I literally skid into the driveway, hop out of the car, and literally throw Connor at Kyle.

"I'VE GOT TO GO - BE HOME SOON!", and I jetted off to the store. By this time, I would've paid $100 for a good sweater, and heck - even $500 for a set.

I did end up finding a sweater for Connor and myself at one store, then headed back to Kohl's again to find the pants that would match a sweater for Tyler, and guess what?!?! They were gone. The cart that I had left at the front of the store was gone, along with the clothes. They must've put them in the stack of "to be put away" clothes, because I never did see them. I ended up finding something similar, and sprinting to the front of the store.

We got home, got dressed and headed to the park in the car. The whole picture taking event took about 20 minutes. Neither boy had napped, and was only in the mood to climb in the trees/leaves, and was not interested at all in stopping to smile at a camera.

I hope to God those pictures turn out okay. With my luck, I'll have a leaf stuck in my hair, or a big booger hanging from the boy's nose. I'll post them when I can - and you'd better like brown!

Sunday Craziness

2009-11-01T20:06:00.003-06:00

4:15 am. Yes, that is when Connor woke up this morning. 4:15 A. M. Holy. Lord. Kyle and I took turns trying to rock him back to sleep, but we didn't get much other than a doze from him, and if you tried to lay him back down, he sat straight up. We were in the living room at 6am.

I remembered it was picture day tomorrow at daycare for the boys this morning. That wouldn't have been much of a problem since I so, proactively, did some shopping yesterday. I got Tyler a cool Polo sweater that is red and navy blue striped. Apparently, that is also the same sweater that Freddy Krueger wore (or Jason, I can't remember), that my neighbor so nicely reminded me, as she was drunk. I'm sure she didn't mean anything by it - but the sweater will be returned. I don't think I could look at Tyler's school pictures thinking Freddy or Jason forever.

So, I went to Kohl's at 9am today to "reshop" for pictures. Came out with some nice stuff, and hopefully no evil villains wear those same clothes.

I took the boys to my parents, and since the boys will usually sleep on the way there if they have a full stomach - I went to the Steak & Shake drive through. At 10:30 in the morning. I probably looked like I had a problem, by ordering a child's grilled cheese meal, and extra order of fries, a strawberry shake, a coffee and a Red Bull. Yes - by 10:30 I was running out of steam.

All of that great nutrition came to $10.56. I think the boys ate 3 french fries, total, and Connor would not eat his grilled cheese ("I don't WANT it..."), and when Tyler was "done" with his, it looked like a mouse had nibbled on it. So - a strawberry shake, coffee and Red Bull cost me $10.56.

At my parents, the boys had a blast! They threw rocks in the river with grandpa, Tyler told all sorts of crazy stories, and both had lots of suckers. We all had a great time, and my parents got to experience the boys on ice cream. Yes, ice cream is the new "crack" in our house.

I couldn't decide what time to put the boys to bed tonight. This whole time change thing screws me up for weeks. I will walk around saying "It's 7pm but it's really 8", for weeks. Constantly comparing the new time to the old time. So, I'm unsure of what to do with the boys. We need to start transitioning to the new bedtime - but after the early start this morning, they need their sleep.

Say a prayer that tomorrow is a bit later than it was today. People assure me that the boys will grow out of this eventually. It's been 5 years and 2 months........ it's not looking like anytime soon!

Happy Transplant Day Jason!

2009-10-30T21:12:00.003-05:00

Today, Jason had his Bone Marrow Transplant. The next step, in a hopeful recovery to this agressive leukemia that invaded his body just under a year ago. Jason's parents had hoped that the 6 months of chemo they did earlier in the year did the trick - but he only remained in remission for about 2 months.

After a couple weeks of chemo this month, it's FINALLY transplant day! From the pictures I've seen, it looks like the hospital went all out for the event. The Child Life group brought lots of presents, he had a huge cookie, a sign, and they even sang for him!

Say a prayer for Jason. The worst of his fight is yet to come, as his body tries to figure out what to do with this new cells. And if anyone knows anyone that donated bone marrow yesterday, thank them for possibly saving this little boys life.

It's hard to believe that that little bag, could save his life...

Where the garbage goes

2009-10-26T06:18:00.002-05:00

It's 6:18am by the time on my computer, and the house is quiet. Everyone is still asleep, and that is pissing me off.

Connor has had a sleep aversion lately. I'm not sure if the potty training is confusing him (if he needs to go in the middle of the night) or if he's just decided to become a 2 year old insomniac. Whatever the case, our nights have been pretty short around here lately. Connor has been up at least 2 times in the middle of the night lately, as many as 4 last week once. I'm not ready to have an infant again.

Saturday and Sunday morning were much of the same. I think he was up at 5am Saturday, and it was a glorious 4:50am Sunday. Saturday I got him back to sleep, but had to hop in the shower myself so I could get to school. Sunday morning, he was NOT interested at all in going back to sleep. He finally sat straight up in the rocking chair, where I was trying to lull him back to sleep, and said "Watch Garbage 'gain?"

Connor's new favorite DVD is one we have called "Where the Garbage goes". I must admit, it is pretty educational, and if that doesn't want to make you become a hard-core recycler, I don't know what will. The video covers garbage men picking up your garbage, to sorting stuff at the recyling center, to making compost, to scrap-metal recycling - smashing cars and all. The video is wrapped up by "George" (the host) telling us how the garbage is eventually deposited into pods in the landfill. I know WAY to much about this show now. I've only watched it 842 times.

Regardless, Sunday morning started at 4:50 for me, and this morning is work. I finally reluctantly crawled out of bed at 5:15 just so I could possibly be halfway done getting ready by the time children started popping their heads out of their bedroom doors.

Here I sit. In silence. It's now 6:24 am. AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

I love this picture

2009-10-24T21:35:00.004-05:00

Just looking through some random pictures, I came across this one. It's one of my favorites. (Please pay no attention to the crappy front door that I've been complaining for years that needs to be replaced....)

This picture is the kind of stuff that makes me get the biggest smile on my face, that no one could take off....

If I remember right, the boys were sitting outside on the front porch eating a snack. I think Tyler was telling Connor a story. It was so cute....

Tucking in Tyler

2009-10-21T21:02:00.002-05:00

Tonight the boys were wound up. Wow. It was a circus from the minute we pulled into the garage (when Tyler tried to exit my car, NASCAR style, through his window), until the time we went to bed. So entirely crazy, it was exhausting.

Being as wound up as they were, I knew bedtime would be almost impossible. I tried letting them get some of their energy out early by running laps around a local pond (which is sometimes scary because instead of running around it, they want to run up to it - sometimes six inches from it!), and we tried dancing in the living room. With our satellite dish, we get the Sirius/XM channels. I put on one of the dance channels, and let the boys go to town.

(By the way, Tyler totally inherited my dance moves. For those of you that know me, instead of dancing, he could possibly be an extra on the moving "Breakin'", if you know what I mean...).

Bedtime was the circus I expected. Two boys that were not eager for sleep, and so wound up from an awesome day. Tyler especially.

That boy is in overdrive right now. He is learning so much, and his mind is a total sponge. He is spelling everything he can see, and asks questions about everything. Tonight I explained everything from why goose poop exists, to why butter melts in the microwave. Seriously - at 7pm, I don't have that much brainpower left. At one point, I remember telling him to ask his chemistry teacher in high school.

After reading our books, and doing our bedtime routine, Tyler was out of his bed about five times, with every excuse in the book. "I need a drink.", "I need to potty", "You forgot to say goodnight", "I hear a noise in my room", etc. The last time he got up, I followed him back to his room and got an idea.

I remember being a young kid, and having my dad put me to bed. He always came into our room, and tucked us in really good. The blankets were tucked under every bit of you, so it felt like a cocoon. Then we started our routine:

"Sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite!" he would say...

"See you later, Alligator!", I would yell, as he walked out of the room.

"After awhile, Crocodile!", he would yell back from the hallway.

It was so routine, yet so.....necessary. It was the closing of my day. It put my mind at ease, and made me go to sleep, smiling.

I took Tyler back to his bed, and tucked him in, especially tight. Of course, I had to explain to him that there are no bugs in his bed, and why we were talking about alligators and crocodiles, but he liked it. When I left his room, he was smiling.

And he didn't get back out of his bed again. I think we have a new bedtime tradition to start.......

Is the end in sight?

2009-10-14T21:09:00.002-05:00

The end of diapers, that is...

Connor had his first "accident free" day at daycare today. We started sending him to daycare in underwear last week. The first day he had 3 accidents, the next day 2, and up to yesterday, had only 1. Today....NONE!!!!!

I forgot how much fun and rewarding potty training could be, but also how gross. We haven't had our first "poopy underwear" yet, but I vividly remember that with Tyler. Holy Gross Out.

Cross your fingers that Connor will have that figured out faster than Tyler did. I'm not ready to scoop poop out of undwear for the next 6 months!!!

I love this kid

2009-10-07T23:07:00.002-05:00

I was sure the minute that he was born, that he was different. I have been right ever since.

I'm certain that Connor was put on this earth, specifically, to make me laugh. He started smiling when he was 2 weeks old (really, I'm not making that up!), and hasn't stopped. He smiles at everything, and always smiles at me.

Okay, so being two, he does have his moments, but he is such a neat kid.

Our nighttime routine is just that - quite routine. We usually all read books in Tyler's room, then go to Connor's room where I sit with him in the rocking chair just long enough for him to start rubbing his eyes (succumbing to his drowsiness), and I then put him in bed.

Tonight, as we were sitting in the rocking chair, saying our last good nights ("Mommy nite-nite too?", he always asks. It always makes me giggle.), he all of a sudden, took his finger and started tracing all around my face. He first traced the outline of my face, then my nose, and tried to do my eyes, but his fingers kept tripping over my glasses. I took my glasses off my face and closed my eyes. He kept tracing all around my eyes, my mouth, my nose, ever so gently. It was almost as if he was saying, "Mom, I know you're totally stressed out, how can I help?", without saying any words.

I closed my eyes, and enjoyed every second of that. He was so calm and completely and totally relaxed, and I sat there and just let all of the stress of everything melt off of my body. It was absolutely incredible.

He finally closed his eyes a bit, so I put him down in bed. I walked out of his room, still thinking about what he did. Although it seems so small, I'm wondering what made him do that?

Sometimes I think he knows my soul so well, he knows exactly what it needs.

It's going to be a long winter...

2009-10-03T21:43:00.003-05:00

Although it has only been about 15 hours since our house has been "awake" today, I'm surprised everyone is still alive.

Holy Lord.

If today was any indication of to what we have to look forward to this winter, kill me now.

Tyler and Connor fought so much, and then Tyler and Kyle would fight. Then Connor would go outside, without shoes on, then Tyler and Connor would fight some more. Then I would yell at Kyle, and then Kyle would yell at the kids. Then the kids would run around in the mud, and then track that into the house, and then get yelled at some more.

Oh my gosh, it was ridiculous.

I'm not sure what we're going to do this winter, but it's not going to be whatever we did today, because that didn't work. At all.

Spring.... I cannot wait for your arrival!

Perfect

2009-09-30T22:11:00.002-05:00

I found a plaque today that simply said:

"If you think my hands are full....you should see my heart"

I thought it was the most absolutely, perfect saying I had ever heard.

Sometimes I get so caught up in how busy I am, how crazy the kids are, how messy the house is, etc., and forget to take time to be thankful for what I am blessed with.

I am the luckiest person alive...

You want a what???

2009-09-28T19:47:00.003-05:00

Tonight I picked up a VERY excited Tyler from Daycare. He was so proud to show me the "prize" he won today at the School Store. They have special "store" at the daycare that they stash with goodies and prizes, and when kids are really, really good, they get to go to the store and pick out whatever they want.

Tyler was so excited to show me his magic wand.

First, I thought this was hilarious! I, myself, had bought myself a magic wand last year, just to keep at work to make sure everything was done, and done perfectly. (HA! I haven't got it to work, quiet yet!)

Then, I thought this was very cute. A little boy picked out a sparkly magic princess wand that has a star on the top. He likes to take it and put it on your head and say "ding!", just like they do in cartoons or movies.

While we were on our way home, I asked him what he was going to do with his magic wand. He didn't understand what I meant, so I tried to explain it to him...

"Well, a magic wand grants wishes..." I told him. "Like if someone wants a lot of money, they wish for that, then you say 'ding' and they get the money they want."

"Or, what else?", he asked.

"Or, if someone wants to be very happy for the rest of their lives, they make that wish, and then you say 'ding' and it comes true for them! That would be a very special wish!" I thought he would catch on to this one, and think that was a very special wish.

"Oh, I get it!", he said.

"So, what are you going to wish for, for yourself?", I asked him.

"I want a monkey." He said.

Nice.

Parent out of Love

2009-09-22T17:40:00.006-05:00

I have a friend that is going through a very difficult time with his two year old right now. She is challenging them with every ounce of her being, and from the way it sounds, she is quite a determined child.

I've seen him on days where he hasn't slept, because she's not slept. I've seen him so frustrated and down on himself, that I've actually worried about him. And I've also listened to him as he's vented and tried to figure out what to do to fix the situation, and actually even questioned himself as a parent. He's wrong. He's a wonderful parent that is going through what we all go through...

As my friend has gone through his trials, it brought me back to when Tyler was two. It almost felt like I was sucked through a tunnel back in time to that year, 2006.

I remember the frustration. I remember the despair. I remember actually crying on the way home from work on Friday night because I knew I had the whole weekend ahead of me where I had to figure out "what to do" with this crazy two-year-old that wouldn't listen to anything I said, and would push every button I have. It was not a good time for me. Kyle and I fought constantly, and I actually thought that if this is what parenting is all about, then there is something wrong me me, because I hated it. Then I hated myself, because I hated being a parent.

It hit me one night as I was watching a SuperNanny show that I had DVR'd. Yes, of all people, the SuperNanny. She was in a house with three or four kids, if I remember right, that were driving their parents literally insane. The whole house was filled with screaming, mostly from the parents, and punishment after punishment after punishment. She sat back and watched as chaos ensued in this house, which had no love what-so-ever. By the time the parents put the kids to bed, they could've literally tied them down, because they were so spent, and frustrated, and beyond words. That was me.

Now - I knew this was a total extreme. My brain had just made a connection with something that I couldn't even relate to - but in his two year old brain, could he? I spent more time yelling and getting frustrated, putting him in time out and taking him to his room, than I spent actually trying to love him. When I finally figured out that he needed almost constant direction and attention (with help from the SuperNanny), it made sense. When I tried to ignore him, and go about my business, he would get in trouble - or I found that he just wanted to be with me. Get my attention in any way he could - either positive or negative. At that age, usually negative.

I got frustrated when he woke up at night, instead of trying to figure out why. I let him cry, and scream at times (when he was still in his crib), until I figured out that he was having nightmares. Then my heart almost broke. His vivid imagination had followed him into his bedroom, and when I picked him up one night and he literally clung to me in terror, we both cried. I rocked him back to sleep, and sometimes still have to do that to this day. Not really for a 5 year old (sometimes with Connor), but sometimes at night, he just needs a little bit more attention than I want to give him. I stop myself now, and realize what is really going on.

I need to remind myself every day, sometimes every hour, and sometimes on the weekends, every minute, that this child (and now Connor) is not trying to totally piss me off like he is, but just wants my attention, my direction, and most of all, my love.

Have patience. These times shall also pass. Keep in mind the big picture, the light at the end of the tunnel, and what you are really trying to accomplish. That slows me down almost every time...

Happy 5th Birthday Tyler!!!

2009-09-20T21:19:00.003-05:00

You are such a big guy now. You're dad and I were just talking, and we don't even describe you as a boy anymore... You're such a little man. Instead of playing with kid toys and watching kid shows, you would rather do anything that the adults are doing.

You are so awesome, Tyler, and you've come such a long way. You're an awesome older brother, and such a fun kid to be around. If you're not making someone laugh, you're asking such inquisitive questions. Happy 5th birthday, Buster!

2009-09-16T19:46:00.005-05:00

Since I'm posting a lot of videos now, this one HAD to be posted.

After being in the Marching Band in 1992-1995, this video brings me back to those moments. The memories that I will have for a lifetime as one of the happiest, most carefree times of my life. Although the video is from just a couple weeks ago, it brought me back to 1995 in an instant. Goosebumps and all....

Go Hawks - and I love you Chuck Ford!

For Tyler...

2009-09-10T20:16:00.001-05:00

Your dad wanted me to post this because he does this to you when you're out golfing with him.... =)

My biggest mistake as a parent, so far...

2009-09-09T21:55:00.002-05:00

"Mommycanwegotonightandgetmyblackspidermansuitpleasepleasepleasepleaseplease!", is what I was met with when I picked Tyler up from daycare on Friday night.

For whatever reason, he had in his mind that he was going to get a Black Spiderman Costume that he wanted to wear for Halloween. He then proceeded to melt onto the floor into a pile of tears and basically a big blubbering mess. I literally had to pick him up off the floor and agree to whatever he asked for at that time, in order to prevent the most massive tantrum I had ever seen, which I knew was right around the corner.

The whole way home Tyler asked for his "Black Spiderman Suit", and insisted we go get it right then. I dodged that as long as I could, and we arrived at home, where the whiny tantrum continued. Tyler obviously hadn't taken a nap that day, and has been not taking naps more often than he does taken them now. Tyler without a nap is okay, until about 5pm. You have a 1.5 hour window between 4:30 and 6pm that you pay for every minute that he didn't nap.

I looked at Kyle and said "What do we do?"

This is when we had the decision of our lives to make. Do we cave and go get the costume? Make a special trip into town on a Friday night, or do we tell him no, and make him deal with it. Does he get a reward for being an awesome kid at daycare all week - a reward that he chose himself. Although, this really isn't a reward - it's he just wants something... (You get the picture of the conflict in my head...)

After about 5 more minutes of whining, I caved. We got in the car and drove to Target to get him his Halloween costume. Right at that moment, because he wanted to.

I'm certain that this was only the first of many times we have to make that decision. Do we cave in and get our kids what they ask for, on a whim, or do we hold our ground and tell them no, they have to be reasonable to wait.

We set a precedent that night that I'm sure Tyler will remember - and that is that if he whines enough, he will get what he wants. A precedent that I said I would NEVER set with my kids. They were NOT going to be spoiled, and I would NOT give them everything they asked for. There's nothing wrong with "wanting" something - it's when you get "everything" that it becomes a problem. (or so I believe)

Oh - and did I mention this stupid costume scares the living HELL out of Connor. Seriously, Connor was basically attached to me all weekend, scared to death because he was afraid. "Tyler is going to get me!", he would say. And then he would ask to "Put the mask away!" I do have to admit. When Tyler has the full costume on, it is scary!!!

So, I've completely failed as a parent by getting Tyler what he had a tantrum for, and in the meantime, scared my younger son so much that he will probably be in therapy for the rest of his life. The poor guy even woke up crying - not a cry, cry, but a scared, cry...

Currently, my savior of a neighbor Vicki has the costume hidden at her house. Tyler thinks it's at the "Fixers" because it had a hole in it. I think the "Fixer" will have it until Halloween.

I can't wait to see how I'll screw them up next.

Saturday Trivia - you never knew...

2009-09-05T07:11:00.002-05:00

In the days before cameras, one's image was either sculpted or painted. Some paintings of George Washington showed him standing behind a desk with one arm behind his back while others showed both legs and both arms. Prices charged by painters were not based on how many people were to be painted, but by how many limbs were to be painted, since limbs are more difficult to paint. Hence the expression, 'Okay, but it'll cost you an arm and a leg'.

As incredible as it sounds, men and women took baths only twice a year (May and October) Women kept their hair covered, while men shaved their heads (because of lice and bugs) and wore wigs. Wealthy men could afford good wigs made from wool. They couldn't wash the wigs, so to clean them they would carve out a loaf of bread, put the wig in the shell, and bake it for 30 minutes. The heat would make the wig big and fluffy, hence the term 'big wig.' Today we often use the term 'here comes the Big Wig' because someone appears to be or is powerful and wealthy.

In the late 1700's, many houses consisted of a large room with only one chair. Commonly, a long wide board folded down from the wall, and was used for dining. The 'head of the household' always sat in the chair while everyone else ate sitting on the floor. Occasionally a guest, who was usually a man, would be invited to sit in this chair during a meal. To sit in the chair meant you were important and in charge. They called the one sitting in the chair the 'chair man.' Today in business, we use the expression or title 'Chairman' or 'Chairman of the Board.'

Ladies wore corsets, which would lace up in the front. A proper and dignified woman, as in 'straight laced'. . Wore a tightly tied lace.

Common entertainment included playing cards. However, there was a tax levied when purchasing playing cards but only applicable to the 'Ace of Spades.' To avoid paying the tax, people would purchase 51 cards instead. Yet, since most games require 52 cards, these people were thought to be stupid or dumb because they weren't 'playing with a full deck.'

At local taverns, pubs, and bars, people drank from pint and quart-sized containers. A bar maid's job was to keep an eye on the customers and keep the drinks coming. She had to pay close attention and remember who was drinking in 'pints' and who was drinking in 'quarts,' hence the term 'minding your'P's and Q's'

One more and betting you didn't know this!

In the heyday of sailing ships, all war ships and many freighters carried iron cannons. Those cannons fired round iron cannon balls. It was necessary to keep a good supply near the cannon. However, how to prevent them from rolling about the deck? The best storage method devised was a square-based pyramid with one ball on top, resting on four resting on nine, which rested on sixteen. Thus, a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon. There was only one problem...how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding or rolling from under the others.

The solution was a metal plate called a 'Monkey' with 16 round indentations.However, if this plate were made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make 'Brass Monkeys.' Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts much more and much faster than iron when chilled.Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannonballs would come right off the monkey. Thus, it was quite literally, 'Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey.' (All this time, you thought that was an improper expression, didn't you.)

Tyler & the Gum Factory

2009-09-01T21:32:00.003-05:00

I haven't had much to say lately... Probably because I'm busy enough that I just don't have time for a whole lot of much, and because I've been busy helping Tyler find a job.

Yes, Tyler informed me on Sunday night that he wasn't interested in going back to daycare anymore, and would like to get a job.

"Do they have any jobs where you work, Mommy?", he asked me.

I almost jumped on this idea, thinking that I'm sure I could find some farm or carnival somewhere that would love a strong 4, almost 5 year old boy to help them... but then (what's left of) my better judgement kicked in, and unless I wanted him to be the "winner" that was running the run-down motorcycle ride at the Johnson County Fair, it would be best for him to stay in school.

And maybe it's also a good idea because he thinks we just make gum at the place where I work.

Sometimes I'll stop at the vending machine on the way out and spend 40 cents on a pack of gum for the boys. This brings them ultimate joy when I pick them up, and always makes for a wonderful ride home. Because Tyler knows I get this gum at work, he thinks we also make it there.

As we continued our conversation, I encouraged Tyler to stay in Preschool, because we a) don't get recess at work, b) they don't give us enough time to color (unless you're in a really boring meeting), and c) we don't get field trips, unless they are to visit extremely difficult suppliers.

He was okay with that response, and actually went to daycare without tears this week - especially when he found that some of his favorite teachers from Lit'l Russellers were going to be at his new daycare. I almost cried when I saw Amber and Roly myself. They have been awesome with our kids - and now get to continue!

So, unfortunately I will not be breaking any child labor laws anytime soon. Although, if the craziness in the evenings (since it is getting darker earlier) is any indication of what we will be getting this winter with the boys, I will GIVE them both to the carnival!

That totally pissed me off - my very long vent

2009-08-26T21:02:00.004-05:00

While driving the boys to their new daycare on Monday morning, I received a text message from a friend. It simply said, "Good thing you are starting your new Daycare, your old one closed."

"What?", I thought to myself as I read it, and then typed back, "ha ha, thanks!". I thought she was just trying to make me feel better. From my previous post, you know about the enormous amount of guilt I carried around with me all weekend for switching daycare centers.

But, the unbelievable had happened on Saturday. Our Daycare, that we purposely left on Friday as our last day, just shut their doors, and called all 95 remaining families and let them know that they wouldn't have a daycare center on Monday.

Holy Hell.

I was dumbfounded. I knew they were having financial issues - that was obvious, and why we left. But how this was handled, just infuriates me to NO END, and I'm having a VERY hard time getting over it.

I've cried more this week than I have in months. I've cried at home, in the car, and best of all, at work. It makes me SO MAD that this woman that ran this daycare for 9 years could be so entirely IRRESPONSIBLE with all of our money, and literally drove the place into the ground - and without telling ANYONE (including ANY of the staff!), just up and closed the doors.

What breaks my heart the most is knowing that the staff didn't get to say goodbye. Like I said in my previous post - they said goodbye to Tyler and Connor. Tyler got a card, and Connor got some cars. Those ladies had no idea that after that day, would they not only not see Tyler and Connor anymore -but they wouldn't see any of "their" kids.

It pissed me off that the owner would not call anyone and explain, and simply put an 8 1/2 x 11 piece of paper on the door apologizing for what happened. Then had all of the STAFF (that had no idea hours previous) call the parents, and from what I heard from most, the staff were in tears as they tried to explain the unexplainable to the parents. Some of those parents had entrusted the center to take care of their kids for years, some of them having been there for 11 years- before it was even owned by this owner, with all of their children.

It then got better when it was announced that parents could pick up their kids belongings from 7-10am on Monday, and then weren't let in the center - but were just met by volunteers (that no one knew - we assume they were her friends), and the volunteers sifted through the stuff inside that we also assume the caring staff had to pack up over the weekend.

It infuriated me to find the DHS report that was posted on the internet, that no one knew about. Numerous complaints were filed with DHS in July, and they made a surprise visit to the center in mid-August. My kids were napping there that day, as the DHS agent walked around and noted more than 10 violations. Nice. Everything from broken toilets, to carpets that hadn't been cleaned in 7-9 months. Yes, I said months. Imagine over 100 kids tromping around on a carpet for months without cleaning it. Because of the color - it didn't look dirty on the surface to us, but if you wiped a white cloth along the top, black stuff came off. Oh - and a toilet overflowed in May and soaked the carpet. It never got cleaned. That is disgusting. I have since viewed DHS's website and their 208 page document that outlines all of the daycare rules. I recommend anyone that uses a sitter/daycare to read it. Very interesting. I didn't even know some of those rules, WERE rules...

It infuriates me that we supported this center for over four and a half years, participating in their fundraisers, and attending their socials. Buying books from their bookfair, and giving them toys that were didn't use anymore. What made me totally burst into tears was during one of the newscasts on TV they showed a little red "Cozy Coupe" car sitting on the deserted playground. We gave them that car last summer because the boys never played with it at our house.

It infuriates me that we cared for that center so much. We loved those women more than family, and our kids knew them better than they knew us - and then this had to happen because of the stupid owner. Because of her inability to be honest with anyone, both of my kids lives were turned upside down by being put into a new center where they know no one. Because of her inability to be honest with anyone, 95 ADDITIONAL FAMILIES had their lives totally turned upside down. Because of her inability to be honest with anyone, approximately 25 staff members lives were turned upside down.

I know, this too, shall pass. People have referred to me as the "lucky one" by getting out when we did - just in time. We didn't have to be one of the parents that were crying in the lobby of our new daycare center because they had no place to go, and still couldn't even comprehend what happened.

The boys are settling into their new daycare now, but it hasn't been as easy as I thought. LOTS of tears during "drop-off" in the morning, and Connor's teachers have said his mornings have been "kind-of rough". Connor NEVER had rough mornings - ever. I thought Connor would be the resilient one - but I guess when you're 2, having a change like that and being left with strangers, must be scary. Tyler gets it - but Connor has no idea. Their teachers are awesome though, and Tyler has even started learning Spanish. (Hola Mommy!)

Someday this will be behind us, but it will never be the same. Any memory that I have from Lit'l Russellers going forward, will be jaded. Any good memory that I have, will have this haze of sorrow around it, because of how it all had to end.

(Here is the link to one of the newscasts...)

http://www.kcrg.com/news/local/54587587.html

Yep, it was as hard as I thought it would be

2009-08-21T20:39:00.002-05:00

I jetted out of class early today so I could meet Kyle and we could go pick up the boys. Today was going to be their last day of daycare, so we wanted to pick them up and take them immediately to Frog Hollow - so they could meet their new daycare classrooms.

All day long I thought about it - actually about how I could get out of it. I was pretty sure I wouldn't be able to do it - because as I sat in class all day, every time I thought about it, my eyes welled up with tears.

Once we reached daycare, I moved fast. I hadn't seen the boys since Monday morning because of school, so I kept my mind focused on getting them. I moved directly to Tyler's room, and Kyle went to Connor's room.

Tyler met me quickly, actually with disappointment. He was hoping to go to Frog Hollow with Daddy, and didn't understand that I was there to go there with as well. Because that conversation involved me assuring him 500 times that we were going, and that kept me even more distracted.

I then moved to their cubbys - which is when I really had to hold back the tears. There were their tiny lockers that they had throughout their time at daycare - where they kept their spare clothes, their blankets, their toys for sharing day, had time out, and hung their coats. They are simple, wooden, open lockers that are just big enough to hold their whole lives.

As I grabbed all of the items out of their cubbys, I just shoved them in bags as fast as I could. I caught glimpses of the notes that teachers had left in there, telling them, and us, goodbye. Connor's teacher even got him a present of Matchbox cars. There were more clothes than I ever remember bringing, just because I never brought them all at once - it was a collection of the years. Water bottles, sunscreen, and even diaper cream that I brought years ago. All there for us to take home.

All of their artwork had been taken down off the walls for us to take home, and Tyler's class all signed a card for him. A going away card from 4 year olds. They had a party for them today too.

Luckily Tyler ran out of the daycare, as he usually does, which meant I had to chase him out into the parking lot so I didn't have to say goodbye to anyone. I'm horrible at goodbyes, and usually end up avoiding them at all costs. I know I shouldn't - but I turn into a big blubbery mess when I have to tell someone goodbye, which actually even surprises me sometimes since I try to be this iron constitution of a personality.

We finally left, and I didn't look back, because I couldn't. I didn't even unpack their bags until just a few minutes ago and found this card...

Staci took care of Tyler for a little while, but spent most of her time with Connor. She had Connor the day he started, and they immediately bonded. "Staci" was one of the first names he learned to say after Mommy and Daddy, and for what I know, he could've said her name first. He sat on her lap during the day, and would also go to her when he wasn't feeling well. She was his mom at daycare.

Although I know Frog Hollow will be beautiful, and a much better Preschool opportunity for them, saying goodbye just breaks my heart.

Lit'l Russellers, you will forever be remembered by us. Your kind hearts, and taking care of our children when they were having good days, or driving you crazy, will never be forgotten.

Back to School

2009-08-17T06:26:00.003-05:00

When I graduated from the University of Iowa in 1997 I said I would never, ever go back to school. Now, 21 months from today, I will have my MBA and I can officially say, I will never go back to school!!!

Starting the Executive MBA program today at the University of Iowa is kind of exciting for me...I have my "backpack" (computer bag) and "lunch box", (purse), and I'll be ready to go!!!

They are definitely brothers...

2009-08-12T20:36:00.002-05:00

I took this picture a week or so ago while everyone was getting ready in the morning. The boys were laying on the floor watching Playhouse Disney. It wasn't until I looked closely at the picture later, that I noticed just how much my boys look like brothers.

I guess since I have always known them to be so different personality wise, that it is difficult to see just how similar they are too.

Holy Cow. Frozen waffles and all....

I'm getting a divorce......from my daycare

2009-08-06T19:03:00.005-05:00

I knew this wouldn't be easy, but I didn't realize it would be this difficult..... we're leaving our daycare after being there for over 4.5 years.

I remember the day...we started on January 2, 2005. Kyle brought Tyler to his first day of daycare because I knew I wouldn't be able to do it. Tyler had a difficult time at first, because he wasn't the easiest baby. Holy Lord - that kid wanted one on one attention, and wanted it constantly. The ladies at daycare figured out how to work with Tyler, hold him, feed him, play with him, etc., and helped mold him into the person he is today...

That brings us to now. I think our daycare is having financial issues. There have been so many red flags, and things that make you go "hmmmm?", if you know what I mean. This includes, but is not limited to:

1) The computer at the front door being "temporarily out of service" for the last 2 months. This computer controls the security door which has been overridden (which means the front door is open to anyone) for the last two months also.

2) Me asking for our flex spending statement a few weeks ago and getting told, "Um, okay, I'll see what I can do.", then getting a note the next day saying she was 'trying' to recreate it, and would have to call the owner. A week later it appeared in Tyler's cubby with a note saying "I tried to recreate this with what I had, I hope it's correct because I couldn't get ahold of the owner. Let me know if anything is wrong." It was wrong. The lady that is currently the Director of the Center, doesn't know what she's charging me for daycare, and couldn't get ahold of the owner.

3) The true owner stepped down about three months ago to spend more time with her girls (she has 5 girls under 12), but would still remain around in an "advisory mode". Don't know what this means, but we haven't seen her all summer.

4) A bake sale a few weeks ago to buy new toys for the kids to play with outside. Talk about break my heart. I have to buy baked goods in order for my kids to have decent toys to play with outside?

5) I heard, second hand, that one of the vans broke down when bringing the kids home from a baseball game field trip. Since no one told the parents or bothered to notify anyone, one of the parents called DHS. They have been all over our daycare checking to see if there is reliable transportation for the kids.

There have been other things, but they are minor if you look at each thing individually. Look at them all together, and a story starts to come together.

Although I know we need to do this, it's REALLY hard. I've known these women since Tyler started, and they practically raised our children. Spending 50 hours a week with them, when I see them for a couple hours at night, and the weekends. They taught Tyler how to write his name and the alphabet, and pretty much potty trained him.

I feel like this is a divorce. We know we have to part ways because we just don't work together, but we still have many good memories together. And it hurts.

We've found a great new daycare. Beautiful facility that is clean, certified teachers, doesn't close on snow days (TOTAL BONUS!), and has a large gym for the kids to play in when the weather isn't nice outside. This daycare is definitely run like a successful business.

I have a feeling there is going to be a lot more tears about this decision, and those would be mine. I have boxes and boxes of crafts and artwork that the boys have done while in this daycare. I have pictures that the ladies sent home that they took of the boys playing with friends, or the time Tyler fell asleep in his highchair. I think I will cry every time I look in that box from now on.

Those women that have taken care of our kids are amazing. I would like to bring every one of them with we, but I just can't stay there because I like the staff - there has to be some safety and security, and knowing that when I drive up tomorrow there won't be a "closed" sign on the door.

I know this is the right decision that needs to be made now, but it still is breaking my heart.

I was meant to have boys

2009-08-02T20:49:00.003-05:00

This weekend was one of the weekends that could easily become a test of my sanity, or my insanity. Kyle golfed in the local City Amateur tournament, which meant he was gone more than he was home. It actually turned out to be a wonderful weekend, because what I've found after "needing" to spend time with my boys, that I get a much better glimpse into their life, and into their souls.

While at my parents yesterday, I was scolding them because they were getting to close to the river. (The Mississippi will just sweep you away!) Instead of continuing to yell, I took them down to the river to appeal to their curiosity. We watched the water, looked at dead fish (yuck!) and picked up shells. It was beautiful.

Today we spent almost every waking moment outside. I have always loved the outside, so as they laughed and played in their pool, I sat in the sun in a lounge chair, and soaked it all in - both their happiness and the sun.

I hate bugs, but today we found some cicada that were barely alive. We caught them in a bucket, and watched their huge bodies climb around. Tyler is almost as scared of them as I am, but he has such a curiosity for everything, it's fun to watch his face. I wish I always carried a camera with me.

Tyler asked me to swim with him in his pool. Keep in mind, I haven't worn a swimsuit since last summer, but I did. I got on my new swimsuit that I bought this summer, ripped the tags off, and jumped in the freezing cold pool. We played, splashed, and I finally got out when I was turning blue. Tyler had such a blast with both of us in the pool.

We played in the dirt today. I pulled weeds, and Tyler helped water my flowers. Connor followed us around and mostly observed. He is as fascinated with Tyler, as I am sometimes.

I love to spend the day watching them work. And by work, I mean think. Their reaction to the world, and their happiness with every minute of me.

And at night - the rougher we play the better. They love the "tickle monster" the best. Their giggles just pierce through your heart, and will sit in my memory of these happy times, forever.