Just a need

I was hoping to already have pictures of Connor's 3rd birthday posted, but since I'm not on my home computer which contains those pictures, but my work computer, you'll just have to put up with my rambling.  I really just need to capture some things on my blog before I lose them.

"Things I have noticed lately" - by Jenny Stanfield

1. How much I love summer.  Tonight we went to Tyler's T-ball game, and then played at the park.  After that, we came home, and grilled chicken and baked potatoes and just sat outside.  We came in and all took baths and showers, and it's still 71 degrees in the house.  THAT is why I love summer.  For all of those reasons.  Because we don't sit in front of the mindless TV talking about silly things that TV thinks are important - but are enjoying the moments that really are.
2. Every week I am less and less interested in work.  I used to be Mrs. Career Woman - and no one was going to stand in my way, justwatchmeI'llbesomeonesomeday lady.  Not anymore.  I'm not sure what has changed in me, but it seemed gradual.  It's not like I woke up one day and it was there, but I seem to be making different choices, a little bit easier now.  I go to work later, and leave a little earlier.  Not because I don't like it - but because I know something so much more important is waiting for me at home.  Okay, so somedays the job does consume me, but those are fewer and fewer between now.  I will not answer my cell phone at night if someone calls, and will not work on the weekends.  It's strange, and I don't know what caused it, but I'm kind of liking it. 
3. I am just totally totally totally fascinated with my boys.  I especially love bedtime, when they have calmed down and just want to be with me.  I've realized that sometimes this is just a stalling technique, but it is still so fun to actually talk to them.  People always told me "just wait until they can talk to you", and they weren't kidding.  It's amazing to have your (now) 3 year old say, "I love you Mommy, see you in the morning!", and even more amazing when your 5 year old tells you stories about their day and what they do when you can't be with them.  I absolutely love it, and am brought to tears every night.  I have learned to hide them well, but get big tears in my eyes every time I put those stinkers to bed.  It's just so fun. 
4. Last but not least, Tyler will be graduating from Preschool tomorrow.  (Insert me bawling here...)  I have actually not been looking forward to this because I really don't know how I'm going to hold it together.  I'm an emotional blabber-mess anymore anyway (seriously, not sure what changed, but my hormones are not on my side), and will cry at anything.  (I have had to stop listening to the "LOVE" station on XM Radio on my way into work - just that bad.)  And tomorrow, to see my baby graduate from preschool.  They have gowns and everything.  I have heard a preview of the songs they are going to sing, and Tyler said they have been practicing every day.  I just can't believe that we are already here???  Isn't this the same boy that I just dropped off for his first day of daycare, like, yesterday?  And the little boy that I took to his 1 year, and 2 year and 3 year and etc. etc. appointments.  It's amazaing how fast it goes, especially when you're going through all the motions.  Every day is just another day, until it hits you just what is going on. 

So just what is going on?  My boys are growing up.  I love it, and hate it.  I want to soak in every minute of where they are now, but also can't wait to see what's next.  I want them to stay just who they are and what they are, but also cannot wait to see where their independent hearts take them in life. 

Since I can't freeze time where it is, I think the "what's next" will win, and I'll have to go with that.  I guess that means I will get to see where they go and what they do.  For some reason, it just feels like everything is coming together sometimes.  Especially now.