After taking these pictures, I felt as if I needed to share them with someone. Mostly, my family. I e-mailed them and then to all that would care, I texted them, and even posted them on Facebook to the rest.
Then tonight I had the chance to go to dinner with a young lady just a couple years younger than me. As we were eating and sharing stories of our kids and our husbands and our insanity, she asked me...
"So, do you like traveling like you do?". She knows my crazy travel schedule, and has just as equal hard time leaving her home with two young boys.
The first response out of my mouth wanted to be "yes!", because I do love to travel. I love sitting in airports watching people, and finally getting to whatever destination it is that I'm headed to and just enjoying whatever it is. It may be the crisp of the mountains in Colorado, or the humidity of Florida or the trees of the Northeast or the heat of Phoenix. I usually love walking out of an airport to "wherever I am" and just enjoying the fact that I'm there. Then getting in the car an exploring whatever new destination it is I have arrived to.
But then I come back.
As much as I love travel and love the job that I'm doing, I'm realizing more and more that it's just not possible with my boys at their ages. They need their parents. They need the love and the comfort and the softness that mom brings, as well as the love, and the security and the "manliness" (for lack of a better word) that dad brings. But more importantly, I need them. And their dad. I need my family to ground me, to keep me real, to keep me who I am, and keep me going in the direction that I should be going in life. Without them for a few days, it feels as if I'm a top that has begun to spin off track, and I'm going in a direction that doesn't even make sense, for me, or for anything.
I do notice a change when I leave. It's almost as if the boys grow an "awnry streak" while I'm gone, and the longer and longer I'm gone, the worse it gets. They get crazy, and bad, and loud. They drive Kyle crazy, and then when I get home, are just totally out of control until they feel a "balance" in their world. It takes a few days, for all of us, to get our worlds grounded back together. And these are the same children that I tried for years to conceive because I wanted nothing more than to have a family.
They are like bees without the honey, and sun without the sunny when we aren't together. It's almost as if they need to wear the pair of shoes, and one isn't there. I even forget sometimes what our lives together look like, and get so caught up in my own crazy, insane world of selfishness and chaos, to remember the boys that need me at home.
I've met up with too many people in the last couple months that are caught up in their jobs, and are on the road more than they are at home, and they are sad, and sometimes divorced, and then to hear them talk about their kids like they know them, but you can tell they really can't, and probably haven't seen their children in weeks.
So, I'm not sure where to end this, but all I know, is that it's no where near the end. I planned my life so much different..... With the beautiful sunrises and sunsets, but with people to share them with.
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