Just smile

I have a few friends that are going through some tough times with their kids right now.  It's anywhere from the always being sick phase, to the "do we give up the bottle/pacifier?" phase, to the "what on earth have I done phase?".  I just smile when I hear of their frustrations, because I vividly remember them, and even still feel some of them (especially the "what have we done???").  It really makes me think back and remember...

I remember wondering if Tyler would EVER sleep through the night.  At 8 months, that boy had not given me more than 2 full nights of sleep his whole life (and those were by accident, he was very sick), and I was tired, and exhausted, and frustrated, and just done.  And it finally happened.

I remember the time when Tyler was 10 months old and he was so sick and Kyle called me at work and asked if he should call 911.  I didn't feel like I should be missing so much work, but that call changed it all for me.  I went home, and was lucky enough at that time to have a boss that called me before she went home that night and said these exact words (which I will never forget), "Jenny, take care of your family.  They are your priority right now.  We'll be fine.  Help Tyler get better, and we'll see you when he's healthy.  And please let us know if you need anything"  I literally burst into tears, right while I was on the phone with her. 

I used to hate it when people would tell me "You'll miss it when it's gone." because at that point, there was NOTHING I was going to miss about that time.  I was stressed out, maxed out, and just spent.

Then I look back to that time, and although I know my mind has blocked some of the "bad parts" out, I'm still doing that today.  Our days aren't perfect, and I have a mouthy 6 year old that has a favorite phrase of "that sucks" (which I hate), and a 3 year old that gets mad and likes to hit me.  They both have seen time out more this weekend than I would have preferred.

Just to remind me of how good I have it, I like to look back through pictures.  They make me smile, and just love those crazy little boys more than ever...

 Tyler with Daddy.  I think he was about 4-5 months old here.  He wasn't sleeping at all, and I was insanely jealous that my husband was getting a full night sleep, since I was still nursing.  He was literally sick every week, and was probably sick in this picture too.  It was ridiculous.

 Fast forward a little bit - Tyler had removed the register vent, and climbed into it.  Seriously.  I could not keep up with that kid to save my life.

 Then we added another one.  Connor was 6 days old in this picture.  I love this picture more than any picture we have.

 

 This was Connor in the hospital while having his pictures taken.  They actually captured him giving us a "salute".  So very cute.  He was so little, and was just the cuddliest baby ever.  Even the nurses said he was special.  They did not say that with Tyler.  I have since figured out why.  (No offense, Tyler.  When you are 30 years old I will explain to you what I mean.)

 And then the cuddly baby started to eat food.  He was 11 months old in this picture, and his favorite was lasagna, can you tell?  It drove me crazy that he got so messy.  We went from the high chair to the bath tub.  What a good time that was though.

And my goodness, that kid was addicted to his pacifiers.  If he didn't have one, he had two.  And usually one was in his hand and one in his mouth.  I was so worried that it would be so hard to get rid of them, but didn't actually appreciate the sane-ness they were giving me at the time.  And people told me "don't use them if you don't have to", and "you'll be sorry".  To this day, I love pacifiers, and think they are God's gift to Moms.

 Sometimes I think I don't give Tyler enough credit for teaching Connor things.  This is Tyler teaching his little brother how it's done in the pool.  Connor was a little skeptical, at first, and then jumped right in.  Tyler can be the most awesome big brother at time, and sometimes, the most absolute worst. 

And then, before I knew it, Tyler graduated from Preschool.  Graduated?  From Preschool?  Wait, where did the first 5 years go?  How could they be gone?  Where was I?  How come I don't remember everything?

I use to think to myself "Why is this so difficult?", and "this is crazy - why on EARTH do people have children???".  Those days were the worst.  And then I realized why.  I try to listen more carefully now to these little boys, and just hear what they are saying.  I love their cute voices (Tyler sounds like a little boy, and Connor like a little man), and I even enjoy when they want to snuggle in bed with us in the morning. 

Looking back now, I wish I could've made time slow down a little.  It moved so fast, and though some of the times I wouldn't want to live again for anything, it was the whole package.  It was getting up 15 times at night, but then having them give you a hug in the morning.  It was getting puked on, and then realizing one day that they know your real first name.  I'll never forget the day that Tyler called me "Jenny".  It was almost as if I was finally a person, to him, and to me.  I know that sounds strange, and I can't explain it, but that day brought tears to my eyes. 

It's so easy in retrospect to say what I would have done different (because there are too many things), because as I type this, my 2 young boys are in the living watching Rambo.  Yes, Rambo.  And one is pointing a Nerf gun at me now.  Gotta go.

Where has the time gone?