Finally Back

This is so nice... you have no idea.  I'm sitting on my couch in the evening, just messing around on the computer.  I actually did some work earlier, but am finally able to catch up on my heart and soul (my blog).  This is the place where I dump "it" (my heart and soul), so that is what it might as well be called.

There are so many things to catch us up on.  Too many to count.  So many things I'm worried about, stressed about, proud about, and everything in between, it's just confusing.  I don't even have enough to talk about all of them, so I'll talk about what's most important to me.  My kids...

I've talked many times about Tyler.  Finally, this spring in his school conference with his Kindergarten teacher, I just blurted it out... "Do you think Tyler could have......... issues?"... and then cringed for my answer. 

His teacher is awesome.  She just paused, and thought about her answer and said, "Yes, I think Tyler is definitely a child that could benefit from some testing to see how we could better work with him". 

That moment was life-changing.  I was relieved, and worried, all at the same time.  I knew Tyler was a different child from the moment he was born, and to finally hear someone in the "professional world" acknowledge that for me was incredible. 

I immediately made an appointment for Tyler at the recommendation of his teacher with a psychologist in town.  She's incredible, and Tyler really likes her a lot.  He will only refer to her as "Tricia", and I think she makes him feel really comfortable.  We visited her 4 times, once for Kyle & I to talk to her about what we've seen, and two times to have him tested, and then for our follow up appointment  We didn't get to see the tests, but only heard from Tyler that "they were hard". 

I went to the follow up appointment last week to discuss his test resuts, and Kyle was not able to go due to a work committment he could not get out of.  She talked to me for nearly a half an hour about the results of his tests, that showed he has attention and control issues that are worse that 90% of the kids his age.  It was like looking at an Iowa Test of Basic Skills (something I took as a child that they still administer to kids in school) in reverse.  All of his scores were worse than over 90% of "normal" kids.  She said he really struggled, a lot.  He struggled so much that she ended the last test early because he finally looked at her and said "I have no idea what you just said", when asked to repeat a simple sentence she read. 

I knew this.  None of this surprised me, really.  Or his teacher, or Kyle, or his grandparents, or our friends, or anyone on this earth.  Anyone that had met Tyler knew he was special.

It wasn't until after this that I got the shock.

I had people at work compare it to Down's Syndrome, and told me to not even tell the school because he would be labeled, and put in special classes.  I had people tell me "But it's not like the end of the world, is it?", when they heard.  I had people that told me about the special government programs that he would qualify for...

What what what?  Really?  Honest to God, he qualifies now as a child with a disability.  Seriously.  That about floored me.  I had always heard about ADHD, and what you had to do about it, and the medication might make him not hungry, etc., but I had NEVER heard that he would have to be put on a special government program to ensure he gets the right education, and that we would be in a meeting next week with his teacher, the guidance counselor, his principle and his teacher, all at the same time, to discuss how Tyler can have the "right" education.

Really?

No one wants anything else for their children than for them to be "normal".  And don't get me wrong, this is nothing as far as health issues go, but over the last week, I have learned that our life will be different with him for the next 12 years, and we will have to pick the right teacher, and ask that he sit in front of class, and he will be on medication, and we have to read special government websites and ensure there is a "plan" documented with the school so he gets the right education.  Nothing you would ever expect to have to do with your otherwise totally normal child.

Okay, so maybe I'm making this out to be more than it is, and I've probably talked to more people about it than I should, but I was really confused at first, and now I'm just trying to figure this out. 

So, here we start on this journey, and it worries me.  I worry about that poor guy, because I've seen him struggle, and seen his pain, and seen his HUGE tears.  He really wants what is right, but just can't connect the dots to get there, so that's what we're going to help him to try do.  Pray for us through this journey, because I don't think it will be too hard for him, but it will be extremely hard for me.  He's my boy.  My oldest boy.  The baby I knew first, and I know him like he's a part of my soul.  I've cried more in the last week than I have about much lately, because I want nothing less for Tyler than to be able to achieve the wishes and dreams that everyone has.  And we'll get him there...