Sharing

It is again this time of the year.  I'm not quite sure if it's my favorite, because I have a lot of favorites in the year.  One that does stick in my mind though is the fresh green grass (when it's so new and soft) and when the sun stays out longer in the evening.  I guess that would be now.

It was such a yucky weekend, so to see the sun finally poke it's head out on Sunday afternoon was wonderful.  We were able to sit outside some, enjoy some beverages with friends, and grill some food.  This picture just says "relaxing" to me.  

We are also fans of sharing things around our house.  One of the things we like to share is pinkeye.  Tyler was home last Tuesday with it, and Connor woke up with a nasty case of it on Sunday.  This is nothing compared to what his eye looked like in the morning.  Poor guy, and he HATES the eye drops we have to give him.  He will fight with every ounce of his strength to just not have those drops put in his eyes.  By the way, I think he is stronger than I am.  (Sorry for the gross picture, but you really get the point).

As he got up this morning, I didn't think I should send him to daycare looking how he did.  Although he had been on the drops for 24 hours (their rule) his eye was still pretty blood shot so he stayed home with me.  I had a day of vacation planned anyway, so it wasn't too bad.  I got some things done, and had a buddy with me who I spoiled all day long. 

Connor knows I'm a total pushover for him when we're alone, so as I stopped at Casey's to get gas, he asked for a donut.  I didn't mind at all, and let him pick out whatever he wanted.  He picked out powdered donuts and we ate them on the deck.  He shared one with me, because he said I was his friend. 

With school being done, I'm really enjoying getting back to life.  I have about 15 pounds to lose that I gained over the 20 months of the program, and a new job to begin pretty soon too that I think will have me really challenged for a while. 

Most of all, I'm enjoying getting back to my family.  I've missed truly enjoying them. 

Finally Back

This is so nice... you have no idea.  I'm sitting on my couch in the evening, just messing around on the computer.  I actually did some work earlier, but am finally able to catch up on my heart and soul (my blog).  This is the place where I dump "it" (my heart and soul), so that is what it might as well be called.

There are so many things to catch us up on.  Too many to count.  So many things I'm worried about, stressed about, proud about, and everything in between, it's just confusing.  I don't even have enough to talk about all of them, so I'll talk about what's most important to me.  My kids...

I've talked many times about Tyler.  Finally, this spring in his school conference with his Kindergarten teacher, I just blurted it out... "Do you think Tyler could have......... issues?"... and then cringed for my answer. 

His teacher is awesome.  She just paused, and thought about her answer and said, "Yes, I think Tyler is definitely a child that could benefit from some testing to see how we could better work with him". 

That moment was life-changing.  I was relieved, and worried, all at the same time.  I knew Tyler was a different child from the moment he was born, and to finally hear someone in the "professional world" acknowledge that for me was incredible. 

I immediately made an appointment for Tyler at the recommendation of his teacher with a psychologist in town.  She's incredible, and Tyler really likes her a lot.  He will only refer to her as "Tricia", and I think she makes him feel really comfortable.  We visited her 4 times, once for Kyle & I to talk to her about what we've seen, and two times to have him tested, and then for our follow up appointment  We didn't get to see the tests, but only heard from Tyler that "they were hard". 

I went to the follow up appointment last week to discuss his test resuts, and Kyle was not able to go due to a work committment he could not get out of.  She talked to me for nearly a half an hour about the results of his tests, that showed he has attention and control issues that are worse that 90% of the kids his age.  It was like looking at an Iowa Test of Basic Skills (something I took as a child that they still administer to kids in school) in reverse.  All of his scores were worse than over 90% of "normal" kids.  She said he really struggled, a lot.  He struggled so much that she ended the last test early because he finally looked at her and said "I have no idea what you just said", when asked to repeat a simple sentence she read. 

I knew this.  None of this surprised me, really.  Or his teacher, or Kyle, or his grandparents, or our friends, or anyone on this earth.  Anyone that had met Tyler knew he was special.

It wasn't until after this that I got the shock.

I had people at work compare it to Down's Syndrome, and told me to not even tell the school because he would be labeled, and put in special classes.  I had people tell me "But it's not like the end of the world, is it?", when they heard.  I had people that told me about the special government programs that he would qualify for...

What what what?  Really?  Honest to God, he qualifies now as a child with a disability.  Seriously.  That about floored me.  I had always heard about ADHD, and what you had to do about it, and the medication might make him not hungry, etc., but I had NEVER heard that he would have to be put on a special government program to ensure he gets the right education, and that we would be in a meeting next week with his teacher, the guidance counselor, his principle and his teacher, all at the same time, to discuss how Tyler can have the "right" education.

Really?

No one wants anything else for their children than for them to be "normal".  And don't get me wrong, this is nothing as far as health issues go, but over the last week, I have learned that our life will be different with him for the next 12 years, and we will have to pick the right teacher, and ask that he sit in front of class, and he will be on medication, and we have to read special government websites and ensure there is a "plan" documented with the school so he gets the right education.  Nothing you would ever expect to have to do with your otherwise totally normal child.

Okay, so maybe I'm making this out to be more than it is, and I've probably talked to more people about it than I should, but I was really confused at first, and now I'm just trying to figure this out. 

So, here we start on this journey, and it worries me.  I worry about that poor guy, because I've seen him struggle, and seen his pain, and seen his HUGE tears.  He really wants what is right, but just can't connect the dots to get there, so that's what we're going to help him to try do.  Pray for us through this journey, because I don't think it will be too hard for him, but it will be extremely hard for me.  He's my boy.  My oldest boy.  The baby I knew first, and I know him like he's a part of my soul.  I've cried more in the last week than I have about much lately, because I want nothing less for Tyler than to be able to achieve the wishes and dreams that everyone has.  And we'll get him there...

Stay Tuned.....

I haven't disappeared, yet....  Just trying to get through the next 5 weeks until Graduation.  I have papers, and work, and kids, and housework, and laundry, and everything else that makes me insane.

Stay tuned...as soon as school is over, I promise to post regularly.  =)

Things I will do when I graduate

Although the last year and a half has gone fast, I simply cannot wait to be done with school.  Our last day of class is on May 6th, and on May 13th I will once again, walk across a stage and receive a diploma.  I am so excited and proud of that, but as I was sitting here tonight, procrastinating a final that I have to do, I just got to thinking.

Here are some things I want on my "Bucket List" for this summer, after I graduate.  Just to have the weight of school off my shoulders will be total freedom, so I want to make sure I remember, and savor every minute of it.

So.... This summer, I will:

1. Not procrastinate any more papers/assignments/finals, etc.  =)
2. Not rush the kids to bed because I have stupid paper/assignment/final to do.
3. I will look in the mirror every morning, and remember that I did it, and how much I was looking forward to being "done".
4. I will exercise regularly - meaning more than 4 times per week.  When we started the program they warned us that we will gain about 10 pounds.  They were right.
5. We will take a family vacation that is farther than the nearby lake.
6. I will lay in the grass in June, when it is the softest, and look at the sky and just.....think.
7. I will clean out my bedroom corner that has been collecting junk for years. 
8. I will have breakfast with my parents at least once a month, and visit them at their house at least once a month too.  (We LOVE to meet for breakfast at the Machine Shed in Davenport.  It's nearly a halfway point for us, and their food is so awesome, I literally won't eat the rest of the day after having breakfast there.)
9. I will go visit my sister and spend a couple days with her, just her and I.  We need to reconnect and just hang out, and rediscover who WE are.
10. I will smile more.

Hold me to these.  I'm going to enjoy my family this summer like never before.

Wow

First, I must suggest you listen to the link below:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9FBKa-bCasY&feature=related

If you don't have time, that's okay.  I think you'll get the point.

That song is the old eToys commercials theme song.  I have loved that song for years, especially after having my boys.  It's so cute, so innocent, and just so...perfect. 

Today, Tyler stayed home sick.  That poor kid had a fever of 104.1 when I left for study group on Monday night.  I felt so bad for him.  He had reached the point where he was sitting in the chair, and looked at me, and just started crying.  I don't think he knew what else to do, he felt so horrible.  I gave him some Children's Motrin, and Daddy sat in the chair to hold him.  He was almost too hot to hold.

I stayed home with him today.  He was so sick that his poor little body slept and slept and slept.  He woke up at 4am to go to the bathroom, and still had a fever.  I gave him more Motrin, and he went back to sleep.  I had to wake him up at 11:45 this morning.  Yes, that would be lunchtime, folks.  My child, that rarely sleeps beyond 7am, EVER.  I finally thought it probably wasn't smart to sleep much longer.  He had to be dehydrated, and if his fever broke (which I knew it did - I was checking on him every half hour) that he would likely be hungry.  He really hadn't eaten since Sunday. 

He was perfect.  He sat up in bed - almost startled that I woke him up.  He then climbed down out of bed and immediately asked where Connor was.  I had to explain to him that it was lunchtime, and Connor was at school.  It was then that I got to hear his squeaky voice.  Although his fever was gone, so was his voice.

Tonight he was tired at bedtime, so it wasn't hard to get him into bed.  He climbed into bed, we read a few books, and then I left their room.

About 20 minutes later, I was sitting at the kitchen table, and Tyler walked out.  He told me he wasn't tired, to which I wasn't surprised.  After sleeping till noon (I'm not sure I remember the last time I slept that late, if I did ever.), I'm sure he wasn't tired.  I wouldn't be either.

I asked him if he wanted to sit in the rocking chair.  That is our routine, when he was a toddler.  Tyler never liked the rocking chair, voluntarily, when he was a baby, but once he reached about two years old, he finally would sit in my lap.  We would read books, relax, and usually both end up falling asleep.  That was awesome.

We sat in the rocking chair in the living room.  This is the same rocking chair that we had in Tyler's room as a baby that we nursed/rocked/soothed in when he was a baby.  There are a lot of memories in that chair.  A lot.  We sat in the chair tonight and I had my Pandora going on my computer in the kitchen.  I had been working when Tyler walked in, and had a perfect channel on to listen to.

As we sat in the chair, I grabbed the Toy Story fleece blanket from the basket, and wrapped up Tyler, and sat down with him.  As we started rocking, a song from the kithcen, "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" started playing.  It was awesome.

We just rocked, and rocked, and he cuddled up to me.  He's so big now.  That boy that was a little over 7 pounds at birth, is up to my chest now, at 6 years old.  By junior high, he'll be taller than me.  I'm going to enjoy every cuddling moment I can with him.  I just relaxed and listened to the music, and rocked, and rocked.  It was hard to even think of stopping.  I remembered the days that I would just fall asleep (work was a bit less hectic those days), and it was beautiful.

Tonight I remembered what is really important.  I worry a lot about what I'm doing, and even more about what I'm not doing.  I'm not doing enough work, enough tasks, enough anything, but what is really important right now?  I found it tonight.   It was right there in my arms.

Really?

Some odd things that happened today (besides generally the whole day, that I really won't bore you with because it would probably contain a whole bunch of whining...)

I pick the kids up from daycare, and go through my normal routine... 

a)  Sign them out
b)  Head to Connor's room
c)  Look for Connor
d)  Have Connor run over to me yelling "MOMMY!" with his arms wide open.  (I love that part!)
e)  Grab stuff out of Connor's cubby

Okay, stop right there.  I still laugh out loud about it.  There was a paper in his cubby that said (and I quote):

"Dear Parents,
   Our records show that your child   EDDIE   was enrolled in gymnastics lessons...."

Okay.  Yea, yea, I forgot to pay Connor's Gymnastics Express tuition for the quarter.  [They have an awesome bus that comes to the daycare center that has been retrofitted to be, basically, a gymnastics gym.  Before you knock it, you should see it.  I didn't believe it either, but it's amazing.  The guy that runs it was in the Iowa Gymnastics program years ago, and just loves little kids.  He also plays Santa Clause during their winter program (for a little added trivia).]

So, how did a paper for Eddie end up in Connor's cubby?  I have no idea...  And who is Eddie?  And did he not pay his tuition either?  Or has there been a big mix-up and Al from the Gymnastics Express has been calling Connor "Eddie" for the last year?  I don't know why it made me laugh so much, but just the different combinations of how that could've happened, I find amusing.

Now I just have to plan to have Tyler picked up directly from school on Friday so he doesn't go back to daycare for his before and after school program.  Why?...

There is a sign on the door announcing their Valentine Party they are having Friday afternoon.  To participate just bring enough valentines to share with 59 STUDENTS?!?!?!?!?!?!?  WHAT?????  I did a triple-take.  59??????  I already bought two boxes of Valentine's for the kids actual school classes, and now they are having a party with the ENTIRE Before and After School program?

No.  Mommy don't play dat.  Sorry, Tyler.  I can do 20 for your class, but 59 is crazy.  Usually everyone includes candy in their Valentine as well, so that would mean about 59 pieces of candy/candy bars/sugar would be coming home and we would then fight about that all weekend.  Nope.  Not gonna do it.  That's insane.

And... since Kyle and I communicate more via text and e-mail anymore, I sent Kyle this e-mail tonight:

Kyle-

Can you pick Tyler up directly from School on Friday? I REALLY REALLY REALLY don't want him to go back to Frog Hollow for their Valentine party, because I'm lazy. LAZY ENOUGH that I don't want do 59 more Valentine's. Are they kidding? 59. No way. He doesn't need to do 59 Valentine's, and certainly doesn't need the candy from 59 of them either.


Let me know if that would work. Otherwise, I need to go buy 4 more boxes of Valentine's at the store.


Crazy at home,

Jenny

So it's been an odd day all around.  Every time stuff like that happens I look at it and go "okay, if that is the worst or craziest thing that has happened to me all day, we're in pretty good shape!"  And at least with the antics that happen with the kids, I can always laugh.

Just smile

I have a few friends that are going through some tough times with their kids right now.  It's anywhere from the always being sick phase, to the "do we give up the bottle/pacifier?" phase, to the "what on earth have I done phase?".  I just smile when I hear of their frustrations, because I vividly remember them, and even still feel some of them (especially the "what have we done???").  It really makes me think back and remember...

I remember wondering if Tyler would EVER sleep through the night.  At 8 months, that boy had not given me more than 2 full nights of sleep his whole life (and those were by accident, he was very sick), and I was tired, and exhausted, and frustrated, and just done.  And it finally happened.

I remember the time when Tyler was 10 months old and he was so sick and Kyle called me at work and asked if he should call 911.  I didn't feel like I should be missing so much work, but that call changed it all for me.  I went home, and was lucky enough at that time to have a boss that called me before she went home that night and said these exact words (which I will never forget), "Jenny, take care of your family.  They are your priority right now.  We'll be fine.  Help Tyler get better, and we'll see you when he's healthy.  And please let us know if you need anything"  I literally burst into tears, right while I was on the phone with her. 

I used to hate it when people would tell me "You'll miss it when it's gone." because at that point, there was NOTHING I was going to miss about that time.  I was stressed out, maxed out, and just spent.

Then I look back to that time, and although I know my mind has blocked some of the "bad parts" out, I'm still doing that today.  Our days aren't perfect, and I have a mouthy 6 year old that has a favorite phrase of "that sucks" (which I hate), and a 3 year old that gets mad and likes to hit me.  They both have seen time out more this weekend than I would have preferred.

Just to remind me of how good I have it, I like to look back through pictures.  They make me smile, and just love those crazy little boys more than ever...

 Tyler with Daddy.  I think he was about 4-5 months old here.  He wasn't sleeping at all, and I was insanely jealous that my husband was getting a full night sleep, since I was still nursing.  He was literally sick every week, and was probably sick in this picture too.  It was ridiculous.

 Fast forward a little bit - Tyler had removed the register vent, and climbed into it.  Seriously.  I could not keep up with that kid to save my life.

 Then we added another one.  Connor was 6 days old in this picture.  I love this picture more than any picture we have.

 

 This was Connor in the hospital while having his pictures taken.  They actually captured him giving us a "salute".  So very cute.  He was so little, and was just the cuddliest baby ever.  Even the nurses said he was special.  They did not say that with Tyler.  I have since figured out why.  (No offense, Tyler.  When you are 30 years old I will explain to you what I mean.)

 And then the cuddly baby started to eat food.  He was 11 months old in this picture, and his favorite was lasagna, can you tell?  It drove me crazy that he got so messy.  We went from the high chair to the bath tub.  What a good time that was though.

And my goodness, that kid was addicted to his pacifiers.  If he didn't have one, he had two.  And usually one was in his hand and one in his mouth.  I was so worried that it would be so hard to get rid of them, but didn't actually appreciate the sane-ness they were giving me at the time.  And people told me "don't use them if you don't have to", and "you'll be sorry".  To this day, I love pacifiers, and think they are God's gift to Moms.

 Sometimes I think I don't give Tyler enough credit for teaching Connor things.  This is Tyler teaching his little brother how it's done in the pool.  Connor was a little skeptical, at first, and then jumped right in.  Tyler can be the most awesome big brother at time, and sometimes, the most absolute worst. 

And then, before I knew it, Tyler graduated from Preschool.  Graduated?  From Preschool?  Wait, where did the first 5 years go?  How could they be gone?  Where was I?  How come I don't remember everything?

I use to think to myself "Why is this so difficult?", and "this is crazy - why on EARTH do people have children???".  Those days were the worst.  And then I realized why.  I try to listen more carefully now to these little boys, and just hear what they are saying.  I love their cute voices (Tyler sounds like a little boy, and Connor like a little man), and I even enjoy when they want to snuggle in bed with us in the morning. 

Looking back now, I wish I could've made time slow down a little.  It moved so fast, and though some of the times I wouldn't want to live again for anything, it was the whole package.  It was getting up 15 times at night, but then having them give you a hug in the morning.  It was getting puked on, and then realizing one day that they know your real first name.  I'll never forget the day that Tyler called me "Jenny".  It was almost as if I was finally a person, to him, and to me.  I know that sounds strange, and I can't explain it, but that day brought tears to my eyes. 

It's so easy in retrospect to say what I would have done different (because there are too many things), because as I type this, my 2 young boys are in the living watching Rambo.  Yes, Rambo.  And one is pointing a Nerf gun at me now.  Gotta go.

Where has the time gone?