Sharing

The most difficult part of parenting for me so far has been sharing. I'm not talking about sharing of duties around the house, or sharing in the joy (ha!), or sharing toys, but sharing of time.

Having both of us that work full time in very demanding jobs, we rarely get any time to ourselves. And by ourselves, I mean, ourselves - me, alone, doing what I want, by myself, with no one with me, not even the man I married, to do whatever I want, for just a little while...

Now, I just crave that time sometimes. I just want to run to the store by myself, I want to read a book by myself, I want to watch tv, by myself, or just take a shower, by myself, without having someone interrupt me every 2 seconds, "Mommy, I can't find my red truck.", "Mommy, I want some corn.", "Mommy, I need to poop." Yea - just 2 minutes to NOT be needed, wanted, crawled on, slobbered on, yelled at, questioned, or asked to be a maid/cook/superhero.

This "need" has also brought me the pleasure of a lot of guilt since having the boys. It used to be easy - get up, do whatever you want to do whenever you want to do it, then go to bed whenever you want while sleeping until whenever you wake up. Now, since I don't see the boys a lot during the week due to the long days at work, I feel like I need to spend every minute with them on the weekend. If I don't, but I'm just being a selfish, bad mom.

This "need" has also brought Kyle and I the joy of many disagreements (knock-down drag-out fights) since we've had the boys as well. He needs his time and I need mine. Both of us want it so bad, we're jealous of the other when they get "their" time. When this happens, we start to keep score, which means both of us lose.

We're still trying to figure out this balance for both of us, but we both know in order to be happy, we both have to be happy. Kyle chooses to spend his time golfing or with friends, I choose to spend my time at work. We both don't understand each other's decisions, but have figured out that that is what drives us. I'm not driven by golf - nor is Kyle truely driven by his job.

I think the guilt is less now, thanks to my sister. I one time heard her explaining to her 3 year old daughter when she wanted to go with Beth and I shopping when I was visiting them...

Carley: "Mommy, but I WANT to go WITH you!"
Beth: "Carley, you stay here with Emily and Daddy, you'll have fun!"
Carley: "But Mommy, I NEED to go with you!"
Beth: "Carley, remember when I told you that Mommy sometimes needs to just go to Mommy stuff by herself, and that makes her a much better Mommy?"
Carley: "Yeah......"
Beth: "Well, that's what I'm going to do. Mommy stuff. It will make me a MUCH better Mommy and a very Happy Mommy. Okay?"
Carley: "Okay, Mommy."

That's all it took. For a 3 year old to understand, and for me to understand too. We ALL need that - whether it's 2 minutes alone to shower, an hour alone to read a book, a day alone to go do a hobby, of a weekend with friends. We'll all end up better parents because of it!