Sometimes I completely amaze myself with what I can handle. Everything seems to flow, all under control and completely seemless. Kids get up, hubby takes them to daycare, a normal day of work for me in a job I generally enjoy, come home, pick up kids from daycare, kids usually fussy and tired, but tolerable, feed them, bath them, play, put them to bed. Like a well-oiled machine. Not today.
Today is one of those days where I feel like everything is spiraling out of control, and I can't believe I honestly allowed myself 10 minutes to sit down and blog. My stress level at work is reaching a "danger" level (I should have a gauge installed on my forehead), and home is just completely nuts. Tyler is going through one of his phases where he just DOES NOT LISTEN. I swear to God, after I walked out of his bedroom tonight after throwing him in to bed, I was reduced to tears.
Tyler has also been going through a phase where he needs me in the morning. By needing me, I mean, he asks for me. He cries to Kyle when Kyle tells him I'm not home, and if I do happen to be home, he just wants to sit in the chair and cuddle with me. I absolutely LOVE the cuddling in the chair, but I'm also looking at the clock every 20 seconds thinking "okay, if I leave now, I'll get to work at...". I'm not even thinking about what I'm really doing.
Then at work, by 4:30 I'm in full guilt mode. I need to leave to go get the kids, but I'm going to push every last minute out of myself in order to possibly accomplish something. I've been leaving work at 5pm, which I've decided is my absolulte drop dead time to leave in order to get there a) before daycare closes and b) the kids are so starving for supper that they can't even contain themselves on the way home.
I know it will get better, that this is just a temporary blip on the radar - where everything is happening at once and it will all come under control soon - but it's hard to see that end. I've been thinking for months that it gets better, but so far, it just gets crazier.
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