Leaving a piece of my heart behind

I rarely take the boys to daycare. Luckily. I should probably say I "never" take them, but because I take them about 1 day every two months or so, I'll consider that rarely.

I had a chance to take them today. My first meeting wasn't until 8am, and that NEVER happens, so Kyle took that opportunity to get to work a) on time and b) without snot on his pants. That honor was bestowed to me today. (I did literally have to come home to change after my meeting in Coralville this morning because I had some unidentifiable stain on my shirt that would not come out!)

I got the boys to daycare, and we went in. Because it was later than I had normally taken them in the past, it was pretty busy. We go to a daycare center, and because of that, it means there are dozens and dozens of kids arriving every few minutes in the morning. By 7:30, when I arrived, the place was nearing capacity.

I took the boys to their rooms, and then I felt the guilt. The guilt that I don't have too feel often. For whatever reason, although knowing the boys are at daycare all day doesn't bother me when I'm at work, but leaving them there in the morning seems to hit a nerve that I'd rather not have touched.

We started the routine of hugs and kisses. Connor sat down in his room and got served his breakfast. (After he gets food, he ignores me, so I was okay to leave.) Tyler went to his room, and told me he wanted breakfast too. Although both boys eat at home (Connor had cereal and Tyler had apples and grapes), they always eat at daycare too.

There were three tables to choose from, and he chose one, and his friend Robert quickly sat down next to him. Another girl, Kandelyn, sat at a table by herself, and a couple other kids sat at the 3rd table. It's odd that they don't sit together, but I guess when you're 4/5, you're old enough to decide where you want to sit.

I guess it was seeing Tyler sitting at the table, waiting for his food. He looked at me, and although I would've liked to help him, anyone other than daycare staff are forbidden from getting the food. The staff wears their gloves while they dish up the food, which means one kid gets served at a time, first come, first serve. That meant Tyler had to wait a few minutes.

I don't know why I keep rambling about this, but I can't get that image out of my mind. Tyler sitting there, waiting for his food, patiently, looking up at me, with his big hazel eyes and smirky grin.

Although I know I would go crazy at home with them all day, it's as if I am leaving a part of my heart at daycare everyday.

Probably because I am....