What has happened to me?

Ever since I became a mom, things changed. Well, I changed.

I looked at the world a bit differently. I watched people with their kids, and how they interact. A crying baby in the store was enough to make me lose my mind, not because it bothered me, but because I just wanted to help.

As I flew to California yesterday, I was sitting in the Bermuda Triangle of crying babies. There were three all around me, and the one behind me - holy cow. She cried and cried and cried. She was about 18 months old (likely) and was going through the "I'm going to do what I want to do when I want to do it I don't care what you say and if you don't let me do what I want I will scream this blood-curdling scream for hours at the top of my lungs" stage. It was beautiful.

I felt so horribly sorry for her parents though, I imagined myself in that situation, and how I would be feeling. I could imagine myself sweating, and at one point considering running up to the pilot and hijacking the plane and landing at the nearest airport.

Last night in my hotel room, I flipped through the channels on TV. I came across the show "Intervention" which has always interested me. (I swear I should've been a counselor to help people deal with addictions, it's a secret passion of mine). This show featured a young man, likely 22 years old or so, who was addicted to heroine and cocaine. His family was in shambles, and his mom was a total wreck.

That brought tears to my eyes.

I've spent so much time thinking of my kids as children, and watching people around me with children, I haven't spent a lot of time thinking about what they will be like as adults. How did he turn out to be a drug addict? What did his parents do wrong? Did they do anything wrong? How can I prevent this from happening to them?

It really did all come back to the boys father as the root of his addiction, but still. The pain that his mother felt for her son was so real, you could see she would've given her own life to see her son well again.

I thought about that a lot as I woke up last night. Can I be more focused on my kids? How can Kyle and I have a better marriage so our kids always feel secure and never have to look elsewhere for contentment?

My thoughts were never this heavy without kids. People say your heart grows ten times bigger when you have children, and that is definitely true. And you start worrying about things you never would've in the past...