And then I lost it...

It was, again, one of those weekends. One of those weekends where you feel like you're going in reverse, instead of forward. Everything I did was undone, and everything cleaned, messed up again. There is more laundry now than there was Friday night, and the house is 100 times dirtier than it was Friday night as well. It's not like I sat here eating bon-bons all day either - I'm pretty sure this is the first time I've sat down since 1pm.

I'm not sure what happened this weekend, it seems like it was all a blur. One big accomplishment was finishing Kyle's bathroom that was gutted and redone. Although that is complete, but now for some reason our doorbell doesn't work and our sump pump is broke. Our doorbell probably doesn't work because I ripped the cover off of it at 10am Saturday when someone came to the door and rang the doorbell twice, while I was in the shower - and then it stuck, ringing, and ringing, with Connor sleeping on the other side of the wall. Oh, joy.

It's hard to think about trying to keep up with this pace going forward. I worked for 2 hours today, and got nothing completed that I had hoped. Connor took his last nap at noon and forced himself to stay awake the rest of the day. Tyler also protested his nap for 2 hours before I finally gave up and let him get out of bed in a moment of sheer weakness for me.

As I'm standing in the kitchen at about 5pm trying to make dinner, with Connor whining in his exercauser, and Tyler messing with Connor over and over and over again, and me yelling for the last time "Leave Connor alone!", I just lost it. I screamed out loud just because that's the only thing I could think of doing at that time. It didn't help. It actually made me feel worse, and it scared the crap out of Connor who then went from a whine to a full out cry.

As I've said before, sometimes I amaze myself with how together I think I have it, and then other times I'm certain I can't continue. It was one of those days.

Both boys were asleep by 8pm, and I checked on them both just a couple of minutes ago. They both look so peaceful sleeping. So calm, so relaxed, and just so innocent. It's hard to imagine that those sweet sleeping boys are the same boys that drove me over the edge just hours before.