Me Time

It's Saturday night, about 8:30, both kids are in bed, asleep, and Kyle is down at the neighbors house. Before he went down there, he asked if I'd be coming down - and I told him "maybe". "Maybe" for me, pretty much means "no". Kyle has learned this over the years, but still lets me get away with the answer most times. Tonight, he did too.

He's at the neighbors having a couple drinks, watching Masters recaps, and probably laughing and having a good time. I could grab the electronic babysitter (the baby monitor) and head down there, but I really don't want to. Not because I don't want to really - but because I just need "me time" right now.

I've always been a very independent person. My parents say this started the day I was born, and I can tell you that the independent trait in me continues in full force today. I love to do what I want to do - when I want to do it. Although, having 2 small children puts quite a crimp in that plan most times. Saturdays start at 6:30 whether you like it or not (if you're lucky enough to sleep that late), and there is no stopping. There used to be "naptime" for Tyler where I would get a 2 hour break or so - but with two, good luck getting them to nap at the same time. If they do - I'm in such shock that I don't know WHAT to do, and usually end up cleaning up the disaster that is my house for those 15 minutes until one of them wakes up.

At night though, when they go to sleep, I just want to sit. I want to think. I want it to be quiet. I want to just relect on everything. Even exhaustion cannot keep me from going to bed sometimes because I just savor these moments. The second I got out of bed this morning, I was planning the next period of time I could close my eyes. Now I could close them for hours - but instead sit here.

I love these hours. So peaceful, so soulful. I am able to gather myself back up - that was just tore to pieces during the day. I can be me, I can do what I want, it's almost as if I'm building myself back up for the next day - tomorrow.

It is times like these that make it possible to face the world. Possible to keep going at the pace I try to keep, and possible to keep the smile on my face. It gives me a chance to put everything into perspective, including myself.