So, it happened again.

It was a busy weekend, but a good one.  We had a blast.  Tyler's 6th Birthday party was Friday night with his friends.  20 friends exactly.  It was crazy, but it was fun.  This was the first birthday where Tyler actually invited people that he wanted there, and I didn't even realize it.

I sent him to school with a backpack full of invitations for his class, with a few extras, just in case I miscounted.  The night of his party, there were a couple kids there, that I have to admit, I had no idea where they came from.  One of them looked like he was in 3rd grade, and then Kyle told me...

"Yep, that's Ethan.  He goes to Frog Hollow in the Before & After School Program with Tyler and Tyler talks about him every day.  He must've give him an invitation at daycare."

And that's when I realized there's where one of the other boys came from.  Jackson and Tyler have been friends for years in daycare, since they were babies- but I knew he wasn't in his kindergarten class, so I wondered where he got the invitation.  Slyly, Tyler took an extra invitation out of his backpack at daycare and gave them to those two boys, that he likes.  I think that was pretty cool.  He's actually inviting his true friends now.  Not just the people that I think are his friends.

 Tyler in the foam pit.

 Tyler and Connor, with their hair-dos.  I never thought I would have boys that wanted their hair done.  It's mohawks and flohawks everyday in our house.

 The whole party.

Tyler with his friend Thomas.  Tyler and Thomas have been friends since they were infants in daycare.  To this day, they are like brothers.  It's so cute to see them together.  They are like soul-mates as friends.

The party was a blast, and fun was had by all.  I had to keep Tyler awake on the drive home just so I could get him cleaned up and into bed.  (He gets mad if you have to put him in bed on the bottom bunk now, and there is no way possible that we can get him in the top bunk if he's already asleep - unless we were to toss him.  We have decided against that up to this point...)

Anyway...where I was going with the story.... and why it's such a milestone to have a 6th birthday party with his friends...

Tyler and I were outside today while Connor was napping.  I love it when Connor naps and I'm home alone with Tyler, because it's like something happens to us and we just connect.  We can talk, we just laugh, and have so much fun.  It's amazing.

I was sitting in the driveway, and Tyler was talking to me about something - I don't even remember what.  All I remember is at one point he looked up at me with this look in his eyes like he was looking in to my soul, and I was looking into his.  It was amazing.

I love it when that happens.  It's like weeks or months of struggle, and hassle and just getting so frustrated with each other, and in one second, it's like we finally stop.  I wish I had words for it, but I don't.  All I had this afternoon were tears.  I held myself together until he finally ran away pushing a truck, and just let the tears finally fall.  He's just the neatest kid in the world sometimes.

I feel like I ramble a lot about this on my blog, but I do it for me.  Because it's so amazing, because he's Tyler.  He's the kid who spent the first year of his life crying and fussing.  He wouldn't sleep unless you bounced on that frickin' bouncy ball and it was so hard and exhausting, and I secretly hated it, and then hated myself for hating it.  And after that he was just nuts and wouldn't calm down and was a total spaz and was on special diets and I worried.  I worried so much that there was something wrong, and people told me he was way too hyper for a kid his age, and I was just sick sometimes.  And then the notes started coming home from daycare that "Tyler had a rough day" and "Tyler wasn't nice to his friends today" and I hated it.  I didn't know what to do.  What do you tell a 3 year old that hits his friends?  He doesn't understand 5 hours after it happened.  What could I do with this child that seemed to be impossible?

Then he started to grow up, and I started to see that sparkle in his eyes.  The sparkle that told me he was all there, when he wanted to be.  When he wanted me to know that he loved me, and everything would be okay.  And I didn't see it often at first, but that is exactly what I saw today.  It was almost like looking into a mirror of myself.  A very strong, determined, not ever-ever going to give up for anything, and at the same time saying "don't worry about me, Mom, I've got this figured out".

That's all I can say about it.  It was so incredible.  Sometimes I feel with Tyler, that I celebrate those little things, like it's the first time he walked or talked or rode a bike without training wheels.  I've learned though, with Tyler, that's what I have to do - to remind myself of how far we've come, and how especially incredible he is.

On to the next chapter...

This past weekend, Kyle and I cleaned out the garage.  Whenever we clean out the garage, we start making a "dump pile" of things that need to go to our local landfill.  It's kind of fun - because we get crazy (yes, stupid as it sounds) and REALLY start cleaning and throwing things out that we haven't used in years.  It's refreshing to finally make room, especially to park both of our cars in the garage.  Although such a small thing, it was a huge accomplishment for us!

As we were cleaning, I came upon the diaper bag in the garage.  It somehow made it out of my car and never quite made it to the house a while ago, and just was sitting in a corner.  This is the same diaper bag we used when Tyler was just weeks old, and we were making our first ventures to the mall or just for a drive.  If the kids were with me, it was with me.  The horror of being somewhere and not having a diaper if needed, was not fun, so I became a boy scout with that thing.  It had EVERYTHING in it.  It's silly, but it became a part of our lives.  We tried bigger diaper bags, smaller ways to carry stuff, but this one just worked.  It was enough for all we needed.

I picked it up and dug around inside.  It had sunscreen from last summer, some pull-ups that were too small on Connor now, hand sanitizer, some underwear and shorts for Connor (in case of an emergency) and some free samples of baby soap and lotion that I received when Tyler was like a week old, and never needed to use.  It even still had a little zipper pull that I picked up on my first business trip that I ever took after Tyler was born.  It says "Virginia" and also has his name on it.  Tyler was 13 months old when I got that.

I carefully removed everything from the bag, and set the stuff on the dryer.  I wasn't sure what to do with it.  I then looked at the bag. 

I walked out to the garage, held it up and looked at Kyle.  His eyes got big and he looked at me. 

"Are you throwing that away?", he said.... sort of hesitating.

"I don't know," I said, "what do you think?"

We both were quiet, and I'm sure we were thinking the same thing.  Could that be the end of the diaper bag???  Do we seriously have kids that are so grown up, that we don't need to worry about diapers or pull-ups or extra clothes or extra pacifiers or having the right bath soap or an extra bottle or extra onesies or even extra nursing pads "just in case".  My head swam with all of the things that we have had to jam in there over the last almost 6 years. 

I turned, and threw it in the garbage can.  Although we did a little cheer, as I thought about it, it made me a little sad for those times too.  Sometimes it's the silly little things that are so symbolic for me of certain times in the boys lives.  They are now so grown up they dress themselves, tell me what they want to eat, and Tyler named for me the other night the planets, in the order that they appear in space. 

So, we closed a chapter in our lives.  And although the ended with the throwing away of a diaper bag, that bag was a part of so many stories...