Sunday, April 27, 2008


I had a glimpse this weekend of what I will witness for years to come... wrestling. Everyone wrestling. I'm pretty sure someone will end up with a broken bone because of this within the next year, and Connor is not exempt from this activity. He gets in to it too - and loves it! He will laugh and laugh - then crawl away, then come right back for some more! (And stuffed animals are not exempt either!)

How does that happen?

I did something yesterday that I never do. I took both boys shopping, at the same time, by myself. I have no idea what came over me, or maybe I was feeling a sense of "super-hero-ness" at the time - probably from watching Spider Man 100 times in the last week.

I spent a couple of hours shopping yesterday, so Kyle spent a couple hours golfing. Maybe I didn't get all of the shopping jitters out while I went, so I decided I'd attempt a trip with the boys. The new Walgreens opened by our house, so I decided to try it out. I needed nothing from Walgreens, but Walgreens is much easier to navigate with two boys, than say, Wal-Mart.

We made it through the store, pretty much without a tantrum. I did have to talk Tyler out of getting two toys, but caved at one because I a) didn't want a tantrum, and b) he needed another truck with a trailer. (Actually, Kyle said he would kill the next person that brought a truck/trailer into our house for Tyler. Hee Hee!)

After dropping $17 at Walgreens, I decided Wal-Mart would be do-able. I needed diapers for Connor, and WAS NOT going to pay $5 more for them at Walgreens since Wal-Mart is right next door.

We made it through Wal-Mart, only having a tantrum when we got to the register because Tyler found the racks of gum and wanted all of it. I picked him up by his arm and drug him to the register. He had made it for about 30 minutes in the store without an event - so he did pretty good.

I got home and looked at my receipts. I spend $67 at Wal-Mart. That being said, here's are the extras we can home with:

Walgreens: $5.99 on the truck/trailer combo (mini jet skis included with the trailer)
$1.49 huge pack of Extra gum (every day after daycare Tyler asks for gum. It makes his day, and hey - if gum would make my day, I would stock up on it too!)

Wal-Mart: $6.49 Semi Truck with MatchBox car.
$3.49 Large Lightening McQueen ball

So, I'm weak. I'm just thrilled we made it through the store with no one getting lost or taking off in a full sprint. I wonder how that happens - how does Tyler have so many trucks and cars. Now I know. =)

Thursday, April 24, 2008

The Team

With both my husband and I working full-time at pretty hectic jobs, we rarely get time to stop. Okay - so Kyle admitted to me that he had 4 hours of downtime today in between appointments where he said he had never been so bored in his life, but hey, that's part of his job. I would've given my right arm for 4 hours of boredom in order to just attempt to get caught up on something, but he also probably would've been doing something else too - rather than wandering around waiting for an appointment 30 miles away.

When we get home at night, we're exhausted. We've both been going for at least 12 hours, and we'd like to rest, or sit, or just not have to think. To have all three of those would be amazing - we'll take one - just ONE some nights in order to regain some sanity.

Those nights don't exist, at least anymore. Gosh, I remember coming home, casually reading the mail, possibly fixing supper, then sitting down to watch TV. Now, we literally get to sit after both boys are in bed - until that time it's: fix them food, feed them, clean up after them, bath them, get them in their pajamas, play with them for a little bit, read a book/tell a story, off to bed. And some nights are easier than others.

Tyler was having one of his nights. One of those where yipping, screaming and bouncing were the norm. I have no idea what caused it, likely a combination of things (tired, hungry and not getting outside today because of the rain), but whatever it is, it was making Kyle CRAZY!

There are nights when each of us reaches our breaking point earlier than the other. Tonight, Kyle reached his in about 5 minutes. He couldn't stand one more outburst from Tyler, and ironically enough, I was holding together pretty well. I handled most of the night, giving Tyler a bath (and myself and the bathroom in the process), and he sat with me in the chair and ate an apple and we watched SpiderMan, again. I got him to bed, and everyone remained calm.

It takes a team to handle this sometimes. With 2 it does get more difficult - you have to take the "man on man" approach they do in basketball. Overall, it takes a team to help each other remain sane, remain alive and remain happy. It took us quite a while to figure out this team concept, but we're pretty good at it now. I get my time, and Kyle gets his. As the boys get older, it gets easier and easier to accomplish this too. Now, we just need to get the boys to learn this and apply it to their lives. They will also be successful, if they can do it as a team.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

The morning of a normal person

Because I had the pleasure of staying at work last night until after 8pm, I didn't rush too much to get in to work this morning. It was a little bit of a crazy night at our house...

I got up at 3am to use the bathroom. Whenever I get up, I also go in and check on the boys. I've learned lately that I CAN NOT do this with Connor because it wakes him up - every time. I walked in to his room and he heard me - then sat straight up in bed and started crying. I picked him up and tried to rock him for about 15 minutes. He wanted NOTHING to do with that. Okay - I'm exhausted, so is he, and he has no desire for me to hold him - so I put him back in bed.

Commence the screaming! Holy Cow - that boy has some lungs! I know this scream though - it is the "I'm tired and know I should just lay down but I'd really like someone to come play with me" scream. Sorry - not at 3am. He was back asleep in 5 minutes, and so was I.

Fast Forward to 4am - Tyler wakes up and needs to go potty. Cool. Then he wants to get in our bed with us, and I have NO desire to fight this battle right now. I usually try to coax him back to his own bed - but desperately wanting and needing at least an hour more sleep myself, I let him in our bed.

I got up at 5am, got ready, and Connor started waking up at almost 6am. I got him up and got him ready. Kyle got up around 6:30, and then Tyler shortly thereafter. I was so nice - all of us up and talking in the morning - voluntarily. Not like our 6am Saturday wake up calls - but we were up, energized, ready to start the day. I got to say good morning, I got goodbye kisses from everyone, and left for work in an excellent mood!

Funny enough - I arrived at work at only 7:35 - not too late at all. It was so nice. It's morning's like this that make everything seem so much better!

Sunday, April 20, 2008

This weekend

Fairly normal weekend around here. The only thing we really did to switch it up was have Tyler's cousin, Mason, stay here on Saturday night. Mason's brother, Karson, had his tonsils out on Friday, so between my husband's siblings and parents, we kept their other children out of their hair for the weekend so they could help the little guy recover.

Mason was fantastic at our house! He was polite, he listened so well, and played very well, even with Tyler, who took away every toy that Mason so much as looked at, because he couldn't stand the thought of Mason even touching his toys.

With that being said, here's a brief recap of what happened around our house this weekend:

Number of times poop got on the carpet while changing Connor's diaper - 2

Number of times Tyler snuck out of the house in his pajamas - 1

Number of times he snuck out with clothes on - 2

Number of times I told Tyler to get out of the street - 5

Number of times Tyler tried to poke Connor's eye out with his Star Wars Light Saber - 3

Number of times Tyler had a tantrum because Mason was playing with a toy that Tyler had not touched in the last 3 months - 4

Number of toys that got broken this weekend - 1 (The Red Power Ranger - lost his leg poor guy)

Number of times Tyler got out of bed tonight - I think 17 - Kyle is still trying to convince him to go to bed right now.

Number of times Tyler said the "F" word - 1

Number of loads of laundry I did - 8 (how do we even have that many clothes?)

So - all in all - another success. Everyone lived, no one got hurt, and I get to go lay in my bed right now and relax! The end to another good weekend!

Saturday, April 19, 2008

From Babyhood to Toddlerhood

Having your first baby is difficult. Well, not really difficult - but a learning experience. Every day there is a new "thing" to learn. And if you don't have anyone helping you learn, that makes it even harder. Some days it seemed as if I was just dropped into the middle of nowhere and told to find my way home, in the dark, without a flashlight.

One of the greatest things about having my kids at a daycare center, is that there is approximately 20 women there with the full-time job of taking care of children. They've taken care of hundreds of children, if not thousands. When I dropped Tyler off at daycare when he was 14 weeks old, I worried so much if they were going to be able to take care of him as good as I do. Heck - they had him figured out in days, and he was MY BABY and 14 weeks old and I still struggled to figure him out. Today, the same women that took care of Tyler are taking care of Connor. They know us, and boy do they know our kids!

As Tyler, and now Connor, are growing up, those ladies help so much in the transition from stage to stage. I remember the time they ever-so-politely asked me "would you mind if we started feeding Tyler some solid food?". "Solid Food?" I replied. "Really? At this age?" (I believe he was 7 months old). Their response was that he seemed ready for it. If no one would've "coached" me to that, I wouldn't have known. To me, he was still a baby. Don't you feed a baby bottles and baby food? Not forever, I learned. We started small, canned peas and pears, but they both figured that out quickly. There are literally hundreds of foods that can be eaten without teeth - from ravioli and spaghetti to cheese and bananas. Connor stopped baby food at 8 months because he insisted on doing it himself - definitely a personality trait of his that I still have yet to trace back to our genes (ha!).

Our next transition for Connor is out of bottles. By one year old, the formula can be gone, and the bottles get fewer and fewer. I've noticed a few days at daycare where he's only had one bottle. They don't offer it anymore unless he REALLY seems like he needs one. He's getting enough nutrition through the pot roast and potatoes he's eating (his lunch yesterday), so the bottle is just a comfort thing at this point. Transitioning out of the comfort thing is difficult, but those ladies help so well!

It seems to go so quickly, these graduations from stage to stage. I hardly remember Tyler drinking a bottle now, and barely remember him sitting in the high chair and eating. He sits at the table with us now, usually with a random truck around him that he pushes around while eating. And now, Connor is less and less interested in the bottles that I can give him, usually in the morning and at night. The night bottle he is totally uninterested now, and that was our last chance to cuddle. The last time I tried Thursday night to give him a bottle, he drank one sip, spit it out, and wanted down on the floor to play some more.
Everyone told me they would grow up so fast, but you never know what that means, until it's already gone. They are both growing up to be such neat kids, I can't wait to see what happens next!

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Back to Normal - or whatever that is...

Okay - I got everything out of my system yesterday, and although today was just as crazy of a day, I could somehow deal with it. Who knows - hormones, lack of sleep, and general overall looneyness all probaby played their part.

Today as I'm getting ready to leave work, I get my "are you picking up the boys from daycare?", call from Kyle - to which I tell him yes. For God's Sake - I left the house at 5am this morning and hadn't seen since the night before. I was looking forward to the cuteness. He mentioned that the water department was at our house again because they apparently found another leak. Fantastic. No water all evening. I can't wait.

We arrived home to find 3 - count them 3, tractors in our front yard/street. Apparently the city showed up today to finally put some seed or grass down on the part of the yard they had to tear up last September because of a water leak. They said when they put the tiller into the ground, it was just mush. They removed the cover of the (whatever it's called - the thing that sticks out of the ground), and water was literally shooting up. They said the ground was so drenched, it was mush.

So - dig up the front yard of the Stanfield's - take 3. September 2004, September 2007 and today. I think we may have fixed it today. They tore out the entire pipe that led from the street to our house that even could've leaked - it looked like about 12 foot of pipe they removed from the ground and replaced it with some brand new, heavy duty, blue plastic tubing. I guess plumbers and the water department have even reached the 21st century.

Now, we have an even bigger section of yard that will need sod, and will get about 10 feet of a new sidewalk too that they had to dig up.

I tell you what though - you want to make a 3 year olds day, bring him home to a backhoe, and a large and a small front loader, and you are the best parent in the world! Heck - it was like Disney World in our own freaking front yard! He was fascinated, and then they had to fill the hole back up - you should've seen his eyes! I've posted before about how Tyler will put anything in a truck or tractor and push it around the yard and dump it somewhere else! To actually see this being accomplished, he was mesmorized!!!

Tonight I got to tell him stories about the tractors in our front yard, and how the monsters fell out of the trees and then fell in the hole and we filled it up with dirt with the monsters in it... etc. etc. This kid has the best imagination I've ever seen!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Vent Vent Vent

Frustrating day. Everywhere I turned, there was a turd sandwich waiting for me. I can't win for anything. I sometimes wonder, "is this what my life is resigned to? Running so fast at work that when I'm walking behind people they turn around to see who is there because I'm walking so fast".

I sometimes wonder what is normal anymore. Will I ever have a lunch hour again that someone doesn't schedule a meeting over? I don't want to complain, because that gets you nowhere, but this is where I come to vent - so if you choose to read this, you can hear me whine.

I left work today with 100 unread e-mails. Unread. That is on top of the e-mails that I actually had time to read today. I still have the pleasure of logging on tonight to answer them, and then get up before dawn to be at our 6:30 Team Building Event (total sarcasm - our "You suck and so does your Inventory and you'll never amount to anything - and let me prove that to you" event hosted by my boss.) Try explaining that to your husband, exactly why you have to be there before normal people even get up, and that he has to get the kids ready in the morning by himself, again. And you likely won't see your kids until about 5:30 that night - not a good morning, not a good bye kiss, nothing.

I never envisioned this. I never envisioned wondering when the kids would both be asleep so I could log on to work at night. I never envisioned wondering what block of time would be "rewarded" to be on the weekend so I could work. I never envisoned staying at work so late that I actually had to worry if I would get to daycare before they closed. I never envisioned putting my family last.

But that is what they are right now. Last. Dead last to this rat race that is running me ragged. They deal with my crabby moods at night, and my husband deals with being ignored every night after the kids go to bed. Tyler actually told me today when I picked him up from daycare "Mommy, I really missed you today at daycare". Having that come out of a 3 year old mouth is heartbreaking. I know I'm missed, but to hear it vocalized is something else. He realizes I'm not there, he realizes that I'm not even there when I am there.

I'm not sure how this whole thing will turn out. Will things even out and stabalize, or will I resign to giving up - which is not me at all.

I'm strong. I will figure this out. What worries me sometimes is the 17 people that work for me. Do they have these same feelings at home? Are they doing the same things - for me - because that is what is demanded of them during the day? That is also heartbreaking. That people refer to me as "the hag" because I demand production out of them - I demand results.

I can just sit here and sigh - and whine - or do something about it.

Monday, April 14, 2008

My totally irrational fear

As I mentioned a couple of days ago, I had the pleasure of staying home by myself Saturday night. That means I can do what I want - when I want - and have the TV remote ALL TO MYSELF! (whoo-hoo!!!)

As I was in bed flipping random channels, I came across Forrest Gump - one of the best movies of all time in my opinion. Okay - how can you not just love this guy, and just get warm fuzzies every five minutes with the whole theme of the movie? But being who I am, I couldn't stop flipping. I noticed that The Grudge 2 was on HBO. And that's when it started...

I have always had an irrational fear of monsters. Well, scarey stuff, I guess. The first time I can remember is in the house that I pretty much grew up in. We had a banister that wrapped around a flight of stairs that led to the basement. Every time I approached that banister, I imagined a hand coming up from down below and grabbing my ankles. I usually sprinted by the stairs, or made a bee-line through the kitchen to avoid walking by them. That fear never subsided, it just seemed to morph into different fears. Something under the bed, something behind the shower curtain, someone in the back seat of my car. I've lived without medication, believe it or not, and have just come to grips with the fact that I'm a wimp.

So when I was on maternity leave with Tyler back in 2004, I was re-introduced to my fears. The movie "The Grudge" was coming out in theatres, and EVERYONE was talking about it. They had preview after preview on TV - they showcased it on Good Morning America, they talked about it on Oprah, they had articles about it in the newspaper - it almost seemed as if I could not get away from it - from those images. But they also peaked my curiousity. If everyone was talking about this movie - it must be pretty good. I must see this...

Kyle soon thereafter went to rent a movie. It must've been a good night to rent movies because there was nothing decent left, so instead he bought 3 from the movie store - I believe it was buy 3 for $20 or so. The Grudge was one of those he purchased and we watched it that night. Well, I watched as much of it as I could from behind my hands and also the blanket I kept putting in front of my face. I remember also plugging my ears at one point because I didn't even want to hear what was about to happen.

The movie terrified me - and I know what you're going to say "Why did you watch it, moron?". I have no idea! Why? What was I hoping to gain? It's almost like when you're on a diet and know you shouldn't have that last dessert, but have one more piece of cheesecacke because "it won't matter", then you need to spend the next 4 weeks on the treadmill working it off. Yea, that was me, except the treadmill is my brain trying to get horrible images of this disgusting ghost/monster/girl out of my head! And then try getting up in the middle of the night with a baby and sitting in the dark in the living room nursing him while the whole house is completely still and you can hear every crack and the ticking clock. HORRIFYING! It was rediculous what I did to myself by just watching that movie.

So - WHY. ON. EARTH. DID. I. DO. IT. AGAIN????? I watched the first 10 minutes of the movie and made myself turn it off. It's so tempting to just "see" what happens, and I saw enough. Enough to renew some of those horrifying images in my brain.

Then this happens...

I'm up with Connor at 2am last night. I get him back to sleep and quietly walk into the hall, making a glance to my left just to see if "anything" is that way (totally irrational thoughts going on), and then walk into Tyler's room to check on him. Usually this results in me covering him up, or unburying him, but not tonight....

I try to focus - the room is almost pitch dark and I was just sitting in a room that has a much brighter night light in it. I must've stood there for a few seconds trying to put my mind around what was going on...

Tyler is SITTING UP in bed! Kneeling! Looking at his headboard! His pants are around his knees, and he is asleep! THIS FREAKS THE SHIT OUT OF ME! After I figured out what was going on, and figured out that I wasn't dreaming and this wasn't a nightmare, I lept on to his bed (so whatever monster that was under his bed couldn't grab my ankles!), got his pants back on, and laid him down and covered him up. He never budged. It's almost as if he woke up earlier and needed to go to the bathroom, but only got 25% of the way there. He didn't even wet in his bed, which is what I also expected. It was the first night he went to bed without a pull-up on (he actually wore his big boy underwear), so maybe that had something to do with it, but I was FREAKED OUT. Did I mention that I was freaked out? Holy shit - it took me almost an hour to get calmed back down to go back to sleep.

So that is IT! I'm breaking up with these horror movies. No More! I actually threw away our copy of The Grudge a couple of years ago, because I didn't even want the reminder of that in my house.

We'll see - I know the next time it's on I will be like a crack addict that receives a free sample in the mail. (Hey - it was just on HBO - I just wanted to see what part it was, for the last 10 minutes), so I can totally renew my irrational fear again.

And for the record - the house we have no has no stairs, and I'm prefectly happy with that!

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Today's Pictures

Studious Connor

Stylish Tyler

Hercules Connor

Bully Connor

Sportsman Tyler

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Me Time

It's Saturday night, about 8:30, both kids are in bed, asleep, and Kyle is down at the neighbors house. Before he went down there, he asked if I'd be coming down - and I told him "maybe". "Maybe" for me, pretty much means "no". Kyle has learned this over the years, but still lets me get away with the answer most times. Tonight, he did too.

He's at the neighbors having a couple drinks, watching Masters recaps, and probably laughing and having a good time. I could grab the electronic babysitter (the baby monitor) and head down there, but I really don't want to. Not because I don't want to really - but because I just need "me time" right now.

I've always been a very independent person. My parents say this started the day I was born, and I can tell you that the independent trait in me continues in full force today. I love to do what I want to do - when I want to do it. Although, having 2 small children puts quite a crimp in that plan most times. Saturdays start at 6:30 whether you like it or not (if you're lucky enough to sleep that late), and there is no stopping. There used to be "naptime" for Tyler where I would get a 2 hour break or so - but with two, good luck getting them to nap at the same time. If they do - I'm in such shock that I don't know WHAT to do, and usually end up cleaning up the disaster that is my house for those 15 minutes until one of them wakes up.

At night though, when they go to sleep, I just want to sit. I want to think. I want it to be quiet. I want to just relect on everything. Even exhaustion cannot keep me from going to bed sometimes because I just savor these moments. The second I got out of bed this morning, I was planning the next period of time I could close my eyes. Now I could close them for hours - but instead sit here.

I love these hours. So peaceful, so soulful. I am able to gather myself back up - that was just tore to pieces during the day. I can be me, I can do what I want, it's almost as if I'm building myself back up for the next day - tomorrow.

It is times like these that make it possible to face the world. Possible to keep going at the pace I try to keep, and possible to keep the smile on my face. It gives me a chance to put everything into perspective, including myself.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Livestrong Jack

A friend of mine sent this to me this morning ... and it was something that I wanted to share with all of you. Even though I don't know this little boy and have never met his family ... I have fallen in love.

Jack made this YouTube video to raise cancer awareness and they were hoping to get 10,000 hits. Please watch it and help them make their goal.

Holding On

Tonight I was walking down the hall at about 8pm and I heard a noise coming from Connor's room. This puzzled me because he went to bed just after 7pm, and I didn't think I had heard any noises from his room since then.

I walked in to his room, and Connor wasn't asleep, but he wasn't awake. It's almost as if he had a bad dream or something, something that just made him unsettled. I walked in to his room and he rustled around in his bed, whimpering a little, not noticing that I was standing there. Eventually, he must've turned just right, and saw me standing there, so he sat up and reached his arms out to me. I picked him up and sat down in the chair with him. I think he was back asleep before I even sat down, but I just sat with him for a while.

I try to push my boys to be independent, letting them figure things out on their own, and watching them get hurt so many times, but also telling them "it'll be okay" when they get a bump or bruise - hopefully teaching them to be tough boys, deal with the blows, but when you need someone to pick you up, I'll be there...

I sat in the chair with Connor for about 5 minutes, maybe more. I just totally lose track of time when I do that. Just rocking in the chair - me and him, breathing in his calm and listening to his small snores. Soaking in every minute of this connection that he isn't even aware that we have at that moment - as he's off in dreamland. If I could do this every night, I would, but I also have learned my lesson.

When I was pregnant with Connor, I was exhausted. I would get Tyler ready for bed, take him to his room, we would read a couple books, and then he would ask me to "sit in the chair". He would grab his blanket, point at the chair, and that meant he wanted me to hold him. I LOVED this as it was an awesome time for us to bond, a perfect time for me to wind down - and I would usually end up falling asleep. Kyle would come in later and wake me up, sometimes an hour after we started rocking.

Although this was such a special time for us, I knew it would have to end, because I wouldn't be able to do that with a little baby at the same time. I knew if Connor ate anything like Tyler, that I would shortly become a human milk-machine - and assume my seat in the living room nursing a baby 24 hours a day. Definitely didn't leave time for much else, especially cuddling with Tyler in the rocking chair - and daddy couldn't assume this role. Tyler didn't want to rock with Daddy, just me.

It was rough - I started by shortening the times we rocked, finally getting to the point where I had to tell him "no, I can't rock tonight, I'll see you in the morning", which was not met with much cooperation. This ensued Tyler's routine to get out of bed 500 times in order to come see what we were doing because he was so afraid he was going to miss something.

So, I have my struggle. Encourage independent boys that don't need someone to help them fall asleep, or risk needing to do something every night by rocking Connor every once in a while if he needs it. I wish I could do it every night, but I also know that those times you would need to rock become longer and longer, as they figure out that you will eventaully put them down - and start fighting sleep even harder.

I'll get my fix when I can for now. I can even get my fix with Tyler sometimes - when we cuddle in the chair while watching a show - tonight it was Spiderman. I know my boys won't want to do this forever either - so I will take every minute I can.

Speaking of Connor - I think he has a new favorite food. LASAGNA! He's had it 3 times in the last week, and every time he eats it, he cannot eat it fast enough or get enough of it. And by the way, it's fairly difficult to get spaghetti sauce off of your skin without a little scrubbing!

Monday, April 7, 2008

An Actual Conversation with Tyler...

Tyler has all of his toy tools out, and he's playing with the one that looks like a 2-way radio that construction workers would use. I was reaching that point in the evening where you are crossing the line from exhausted/frustrated, to delirious.

Tyler: "Mommy!"

Me: "Hum?"

Tyler: "Mommmyyyyy!"

Me: "What, Buddy?"

Tyler: "Mommy!"

Me: "Yes, Tyler?"

Tyler: "Mommy, look!"

Me (sitting right next to him): "What Tyler?"

Tyler: "Mommy, look at this!"

Me: "Tyler, what do you want?!"

Tyler: "Mommy, (handing me his radio), talk to the pizza guy."

Sunday, April 6, 2008

And then I lost it...

It was, again, one of those weekends. One of those weekends where you feel like you're going in reverse, instead of forward. Everything I did was undone, and everything cleaned, messed up again. There is more laundry now than there was Friday night, and the house is 100 times dirtier than it was Friday night as well. It's not like I sat here eating bon-bons all day either - I'm pretty sure this is the first time I've sat down since 1pm.

I'm not sure what happened this weekend, it seems like it was all a blur. One big accomplishment was finishing Kyle's bathroom that was gutted and redone. Although that is complete, but now for some reason our doorbell doesn't work and our sump pump is broke. Our doorbell probably doesn't work because I ripped the cover off of it at 10am Saturday when someone came to the door and rang the doorbell twice, while I was in the shower - and then it stuck, ringing, and ringing, with Connor sleeping on the other side of the wall. Oh, joy.

It's hard to think about trying to keep up with this pace going forward. I worked for 2 hours today, and got nothing completed that I had hoped. Connor took his last nap at noon and forced himself to stay awake the rest of the day. Tyler also protested his nap for 2 hours before I finally gave up and let him get out of bed in a moment of sheer weakness for me.

As I'm standing in the kitchen at about 5pm trying to make dinner, with Connor whining in his exercauser, and Tyler messing with Connor over and over and over again, and me yelling for the last time "Leave Connor alone!", I just lost it. I screamed out loud just because that's the only thing I could think of doing at that time. It didn't help. It actually made me feel worse, and it scared the crap out of Connor who then went from a whine to a full out cry.

As I've said before, sometimes I amaze myself with how together I think I have it, and then other times I'm certain I can't continue. It was one of those days.

Both boys were asleep by 8pm, and I checked on them both just a couple of minutes ago. They both look so peaceful sleeping. So calm, so relaxed, and just so innocent. It's hard to imagine that those sweet sleeping boys are the same boys that drove me over the edge just hours before.

Friday, April 4, 2008

I almost had to call Spider-Man

So, how do you convince a totally out of control 3 year old that if he gets out of bed one more time that something bad will happen? Tell him you're going to call Spider-Man.

Tyler's been going through another one of his "phases". My "phase", I mean - horrible. He's been an absolute pill, about 80% of the time. When I picked him up from daycare today I barely made it through the door before the teacher told me "Tyler's had a very rough afternoon...." That's so hard to swallow. Say you've had a long day at work - dealing with issue after issue, and you can't wait to get to the kids because they are your lifeline to sanity. They are the reason you make it through the day, the reason you smile, and the reason you can simply do it all. Then you hear that...

It's my fault. I didn't push the Feingold Diet we had been doing because it was difficult. It took time, annd sometimes time I just didn't have. I was rooting around the kitching at 10pm or 5am trying to find food for Tyler to eat that day. It was just crazy.

So this is what we have, again. A totally out of control 3 year old that can't even contain his emotions, his actions, or his words.

We're back on the Feingold diet tomorrow. The remainder of the Easter candy will be thrown away, and I'll buy Tyler his special candy tomorrow. Only gum with no artificial flavors and no artificial colors. No cheating, no more.

So tonight, Tyler was tired. After being a total pill all day - he even looked exhausted at 7pm. I think that was also part of his problem today. I got him into the bath right after Connor at 6:30 and threw him in bed at 7:30 after he threw a ball at my head for about the 7th time. He didn't want to go to bed, and kept getting out of bed - time after time after time.

He asked me if I could tell him a story. So - I did.

If he gets out of bed one more time, I have to call Spider-Man and have him come to our house and take Tyler's toys and sell them or give them to other boys and girls. So far, I haven't had to call him, but I'll keep him on speed dial. You should've seen his eyes when I told him that. He really believed me...

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

I made a mistake today....

I stayed home with Connor because he woke up with a fever this morning. Poor guy - at 6:30am it was 100.5. Still legal at daycare, but I knew he just needed to stay home and rest. Good thing - because Kyle got him back to sleep at 6:50am and he slept until 10am. Likely some of what he needed. His fever has continued on and off throughout the day - just at 101 as I was putting him to bed. He is still such a good boy though even with a fever that would make me the most pitiful person in the world.

That wasn't my mistake though. My mistake started at around noon. Connor and I were sitting in the rocking chair, and Connor was starting to drift back off to sleep. I was flipping through the shows I had recorded on the DVR, and came across The DaVinci Code. I had taped it a couple of weeks ago, and decided to start watching it - thus the problem.

I seriously think that was one of the best movies I have ever seen - and the last half of it I literally watched in 10 minute increments because I had both boys in the living room while I was trying to finish it. It was: watch 10 minutes - go back 2 minutes, watch 7 minutes - go back 1 minute, etc.

In my opinion, absolutely incredible movie - but I've always liked Tom Hanks, I like drama/mystery/action movies, and love anything where I think I might've actually learned something while being entertained. A bonus!

I'm glad I started watching it - though it was almost difficult to finish my evening with the boys while knowing I only had 30 minutes left, 20 minutes left, 15 minutes left. I literally sat there with my hands over my mouth waiting for the next scene....

And Connor - I hope he's getting better. Aunt Kimmy will be spending the day with him at home tomorrow if he's still sick. Kyle has 9 appointments and I only have 1/2 hour free since I rescheduled all of today's meeetings to tomorrow. I will be SO glad to finally get out of "sick" season!

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Breakfast with Tyler

Tyler seems to be going through a phase, but I hope he doesn't grow out of it too fast. I'm not sure if he's becoming more aware the fact that I'm gone during the day and he needs to savor every moment, or if he's just a little boy that needs his mom.

Tyler LOVES it when Connor goes to bed or is otherwise out of the picture. I think if Tyler was completely honest with us, he would tell us that Connor is okay - but Tyler likes to have us to himself. Tyler has always been very demanding of our time, since the day he was born, and it's just morphed into different sorts of "needs" throughout the years.

After Connor goes to bed at night, Tyler "wants" me. Usually it starts out with a "Mommy, Hold Me", and as he gets tired, he wants to sit on my lap on the chair and cuddle with a blanket. I LOVE it! I try to spend as much time sitting with him and just taking in his being-ness. I sit with him on my lap, this same boy that was my 7 pound 2 ounce baby and taught me how to be a mom.

In the morning, I'm usually up before the birds. Sometimes Tyler will wake up early and in the morning wants to be held as well. It's almost like he needs these minutes with me to transition into the day. On days when we unfortunately have to be out the door sooner than later, this lack of "transition" into the day leaves Tyler frustrated and usually crying. I HATE that.

After a couple minutes of cuddling, he's ready for the day, and in the picture above, he's having breakfast with me. We talk about our days, he asks me what I'm going to do that day, and he tells me the funniest stories. He wanted to sit on the counter this day, and I let him. Our special time together is worth whatever happens, even if it means the cereal will get spilled, like on this day.