Choices

If I think I count correctly, between Kyle and I, we were up with Connor about 6 times last night. (I'm not quite sure about the count, because Kyle told me this morning that I was basically dead between 2 and 5am when he woke up a couple times, and Kyle got up with him. Kyle also has a tend to embellish so that I feel sorry for him, but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt.) So, I planned on not going in to work today. Called my boss at 5am, and told her I would be working from home...

Then 7:30 rolled around, and Connor woke up. He was perfect! Good color, no circles under his eyes (his tell-tale sign that he's sick or tired), and was smiling. The first thought in my mind was "We can't waste a perfectly good 'healthy' day at home! There will be TONS of more sick days!". So, I got ready, got him ready and headed off to daycare.

So, I made a choice - to take my son, that was up approximately 6 times last night, and last had a fever that I knew of at around 5pm the night before, who hadn't eaten from a bottle since 2am because he can't breathe through his nose, to daycare. I used the "you don't have a fever - you go to daycare" philosophy that I developed when Tyler was about 5 months old. If I stay home with them every time they're sick, I'll never go to work.

But, how sick is too sick? At what point do you say "this is my BABY that NEEDS his MOM!", or "suck it up kid, mommy has to make an appearance at work". It's no kidding that I could seriously pound out 2 times as much work while working from home, but in our conservative company, you're not "working" unless you're "at work".

So, these are the choices that no one ever tells you about before you become a parent. I guess you are totally oblivious to reality, and you just think about a healthy baby - because if you thought anything else, you would go crazy.

No one ever tells you that you will have to make a choice to let your baby cry himself to sleep in order to learn to sleep though the night. That thought was ridiculous to me - until Tyler was 8 months old

No one ever tells you that you will have to make a choice to stop breastfeeding when your baby is 4 months old because your schedule at work is too hectic to support it. "Breastfeeding is Best" they all say, but when you're literally interrupted in your office by co-workers and your boss while pumping, you have to make a decision to stop.

No one ever tells you that you will have to make a choice to walk out the door in the morning with both kids crying in order to make it to work on time for a meeting that is completely unnecessary, but you have to be at.

No one ever tells you that you will have to make a choice to leave your child with total strangers at daycare to go back to work, when every ounce of your being tells you that is just wrong.

No one ever tells you that you will have to make a choice between sitting and playing with your kids, or doing the laundry, the dishes, getting clothes ready for tomorrow, picking up toys, or changing your clothes, just so you can have 15 minutes to yourself later that night.

It's amazing the choices we make, as parents, every day. And these choices seem so small, but are actually HUGE life-changing events. But, they have to be made. To me, this is the most stressful part of parenting. Everyone can handle the lack of sleep, the colds, the tantrums, etc., but when you have to balance them with something else, they become so much bigger.

I've been trying really hard lately not too let these choices effect me so much. I've been trying to just take the punches as they comes, and deal with them one at a time. But, I am still constantly making choices for my family. (Continue writing, or go to bed.......................)